Bedtime conversations with the Lynxcub
1. Oddly Specific
"Muime, I think Spiral Bear is hurt." (Spiral Bear is a stuffed animal given to him by my friend Monique when he was a baby)
"Really? What's wrong with her?"
"She fell off her bike and did a face-plant on the pavement."
2. Unexpected Bedtime Hazards
Just when I almost had him asleep, he suddenly sat up and tried to get out of bed. "Muime, I need the laundry basket! The not-full one!"
"No, you need to go to sleep, honey."
"But I can't go to sleep! Not without the laundry basket!" (tries to climb over me to get it)
"Why? What's so important about the laundry basket?"
"I need my own little bedroom to sleep in, so I can be safe." (He actually did this once before - dragged the laundry basket up onto the bed and crawled inside it to sleep. But this is not a habit I want to encourage.)
"You're safe right here, sweetie. What are you afraid of that the laundry basket would protect you from?"
"SHARKS!"
"You're afraid sharks will eat you unless you sleep in the laundry basket?"
"Yes!"
"Are you a little fish?"
"Yes!"
"Well, come back here, little fish, and I'll snuggle you down in a warm bed of seaweed where no shark will ever find you." (switching to soothing, hypnotic, go-to-sleep tones) "We'll be safe and warm, by a lovely coral reef, and the waves will rock us to sleep, and..."
"Oh! That's why Spiral Bear is sick!"
"Er... Because of sharks?"
"No! She was trying to eat the algae off a coral reef, because she's an angelfish, but she accidentally ate the coral instead."
"Ah, I see. That can happen sometimes. But the coral will recover, and so will she. Her tummy will feel fine in the morning. But right now, it's bedtime, and angelfish are going to sleep. Catfish and dogfish are going to sleep, starfish and jellyfish are going to sleep, clams and oysters and scallops are going to sleep, salmon and tuna and whitefish are going to sleep, whales and dolphins are going to sleep.."
"And sharks?"
"Especially sharks. All the sharks are going to sleep. Barracudas and killer whales are going to sleep, eels and sea snakes are going to sleep, even octopuses and giant squid are going to sleep..."
He nestles into bed between me and Spiral Bear, and eventually falls asleep. Which is a good thing, because I was running out of sea creatures...