Conversations with the Lynxcub
These are all from today:
- Lynxcub (while sitting on my desk chair and dangling a small wrench from a bungie cord): I'm fissin'!
Me: You're fixing something? (It was a wrench, after all...)
Lynxcub: No, FISSIN'!
Me: Oh, fishing! What are you fishing for?
Lynxcub (looking at me like I'm clearly a slow learner): FISH!
Me: What are you going to do with the fish?
Lynxcub: I'm goin' to make dem into sushi! Cats dem an' cook dem an' kill dem and make sushi!
Me (partly amused and partly a little disturbed - I've never heard him mention killing anything before, and didn't even know he knew the word): Ah, I see. What kind of fish are you going to catch?
Lynxcub (again with the "What are you, new?" look): SUSHI fish!
- Lynxcub (holding squeegee and looking up at the ceiling thoughtfully): Can I hammer on the ceiling?
Me: No, I don't think that's a good idea, sweetie. First of all, it's too high up to reach...
Aidan: Stepladder! (starts to run off in search of it)
Me: No no, the stepladder's not high enough - and also, usually when people hammer on the ceiling it's because the people above them are making a lot of noise and they want them to stop. The people above me aren't doing anything wrong, and if we hammered on the ceiling anyway, they might feel bad and think we were mad at them.
Lynxcub (thoughtfully): Oh....
A few seconds later, he climbs up onto the window sill and yells something I can't quite make out, while brandishing the squeegee menacingly.
Me (a little alarmed): Aidan, what are you doing?!
Lynxcub: I'm tellin' the neighbours to STOP!
Me: To stop what?
Lynxcub (pointing out the window at the traffic on St. Clair): Stop drivin' dose CARS!
Me (amused): Do you want all of them to stop driving, or just some cars in particular?
Lynxcub: ALL of dem!
Me: Why?
Lynxcub: Because... because it's DANGEROUS! An' 'cause people shouldn't ride on the sidewalk!
Me (trying to put it all together, and highly amused): Um... so you want everyone to stop driving cars, because it's too dangerous, and because that way there will be more room for bikes and people won't try and ride bikes on the sidewalk? Is that right?
Lynxcub (emphatically): Yes! (yelling out window) HEY YOU PEOPLE, STOP DRIVIN' DOSE CARS!
I am by this point nearly dead from laughter. Also, wondering if we are guilty of brainwashing our child...
Lynxcub (in a sing-song, telling-a-story voice): I told the p'lice to stop drivin' the p'lice cars with the sirens and stuff, an' they all stopped drivin' 'cause I told them to...
- Lynxcub (picks up my plush Cthulhu while I am trying to herd him toward the door to go back to kettunainen and optimystik's place): Can I bring Catutu?
Me: Don't mama and daddy have a Cthulhu of their own?
Lynxcub: But I want DIS one!
Me: OK, I suppose so.
Lynxcub: AN' de Si'mese cat!
Me: Only one toy from here goes there at a time. Cthulhu OR Tailong (my old stuffed Siamese cat from childhood), not both. Which one do you want to bring?
Lynxcub (thinking for a minute): Catutu!
Me: OK, bring him along and let's go.
Then, when going down the stairs:
Lynxcub: What IS Catutu?
Me: Cthulhu is a monster that lives under the ocean. Well, mostly he sleeps there, really.
Lynxcub (thoughtfully): Oh...
And when trying to get him in the stroller:
Lynxcub: Walk! WALK!
Me: Aidan, it's raining outside. If you walk you'll get soaking wet. You need to be in the stroller, with the rain cover on.
Lynxcub: But I WANT to be soaking wet!!!
Me (struck by a sudden burst of inspiration): YOU may want to get soaking wet, but Cthulhu doesn't! Think about it - he was under the ocean for years and years and years! Now he's FINALLY out of there, because the stars are right, and it would be really mean to carry him in the rain so that he got wet. He'd be very sad. You need to keep Cthulhu warm and dry in the stroller so that he'll be happy.
Lynxcub: Oh! (climbs into stroller right away, and then as I'm fastening the straps) You need to strap Catutu in too!
Me: Strap Cthulhu in?
Lynxcub: Yes! So he can be warm and dry and happy!
Me: OK... I'll tuck him in here, and put his legs behind these straps, and his wings behind those straps. And his tentacles can hang out over the buckle, like this. Are you both comfy now?
Lynxcub (looking down at plush Cthulhu and beaming contentedly): Yes!