So tired but it's a new day
Definitely had a night like I usually do on days when I work at Frito after not having worked. Went to bed early, about 9:30, slept until about 12:45 in one hour increment wake ups. After that, I got up, added some money to my transport card and did some anxiety pacing before returning to laying down again.
Did I sleep? I don't think so but I laid there a lot tossing and turning, being too hot, being wide-awake just drowning in thoughts of everything and nothing.
I decided to take the bus this morning, the train will be another day. But I might take the train home, we'll see how tired I am. I might have time for a coffee before I start but we'll see.
Never heard back from Daniel at Terra about what to wear so hopefully I picked correctly.
So far the bus isn't too bad, there's many busses that go straight to Seattle with no stops, same amount of time approximately as the Sounder as well. Not nearly as charming as the train but not bad.
Not feeling nervous or anxious for this job, which I'm finding surprising other than just being anxious for showing up late because of transportation issues. I think knowing I'm not just going to be tossed to the wolves or there even being the potential for that to happen is nice. Serving there the risk for that and it's just so intense.
Definitely wish I could have a nap while we ride but I think the bus is too wiggly. What a shame.
I definitely have been feeling anxious about things with Kevin for sure and how he has been doing. I feel helpless, a little useless. Did I do something? Or is it all work-related? I can't help but to think about him having said he wanted to think about dating again before we decided to try this again and what he was thinking with that with how little time he has and how his weekends are him just being on WoW. Like when will I get to see him and will we even ever do anything outside of just hanging out at his house?
Not just for me and what I will want to do but I hope for his sake after the end of this month his workload will lessen and he won't be so stressed and so bombarded with his time. Or maybe it's always just going to be this way? Hm.
So many unanswered questions and so many that will likely never be answered.
I'll just have to focus on me and my things for a while I think. But self-care is just so much less interesting than caring for another person.
What a year so far. Cheers to a new me, I guess.