blahh
is there something wrong with me that when people advertise how happy they are i want to vomit all over the floor infront of me and then take it and throw it at people. when i'm happy i'm happy but i don't feel this need to tell the whole world. i sometimes see myself as a pessamist but i feel like i'm just fucking moderate. when i'm sad i'm sad when i'm happy i'm happy. i mean i'm not going to advertise to the world how i want to go float on a fucking love boat in the sky and sprinkle confetti on everyone near me. fuck these people. I do not know what world anyone lives in but i know i live in one that is fucking continous bull shit and when i have a good day its like i like to hold onto it inside and not let anyone into my happy circle. fuck i dont know..i feel like everyone just all the sudden got fake happy. its like people lives are so shitty and its so apparent but they feel as though they need to fucking lie out their asshole and act like everything is okay. and for some maybe there life is as great as they portray and i highly doubt that. if someone asks me how i'm doing i say fucking alright man. its like goddamn do we need to really be that fake and force ourselves in a world that doesnt exist. mother fuck. go fuck a dog. and kiss my mother fucking boot in your face. blahhhhhhhhhh such anger and hostility towards everything eh?? well until things work out in my head i will continue to be one cynical fuck. and i like to be this way sometimes...it is a lot harder to be happy then sad but fuck..i'm young and happiness takes time to achieve. to me happiness is about trial and error. you fucking try and whatever feels right is happiness but how many times in life does something feel right vs. feels okay at the moment. i have a lot of at the moment fits. but is that true happiness. probably not.