Werk :/
I am over at jennerose's house while she and her family are in Dallas. Call me the Nana-Whisperer because their dog, Nana, doesn't like anyone and I totally got her out from under the bed, outside, and then SHE EVEN ATE SOMETHING after that which believe me is worth a major set of Paul Gross arms. So \o/
Now. In other news: My stupid job.
I don't think I've been very quiet about my general ennui when it comes to certain aspects of my life, work and money being chiefest among them. I understand that I got a degree in English instead of say, Pharmacy Tech. I understand that I have not sent out a resume in a year. I understand that I work for a non-profit and there are certain limitations there-in. I'm not a competitive person in the larger game of life. Scrabble, sure I want to win. Studying/working/crying 60 hours a week to get through med school. Nope. In college, I never wanted or cared about getting the top grade in the class on a test. I never wanted to think of other things I could be researching, other ways I could be kissing ass, other ways I could be getting noticed.
In the end, work is very, very low on my totem poll. And I'm working to resign myself to the type of life this will yield me. So please don't think that the ensuing post has anything to do with me having unrealistic expectations.
At the beginning of the year, I and several other people were told that we were asking to assume "leadership" positions as opposed to "management" positions. I, in particular, was told that if I met a certain amount of goals, I would be "rewarded." I balked HARD at doing work I wouldn't be paid for. I looked both my manager and my vice president in the face and made it clear that I was reluctant to be tricked into doing work for nothing. They assured me a reward would come eventually.
So I hit the numbers the first month, the second, and when I did it again on the third, I asked to talk about the reward. I was told that I had done well, could improve, but that it would be discussed in further detail in April.
Cue April: I am on track to hitting the numbers again, but I'm becomingly increasingly more depressed and unfocused. The person I'm supervising has crappy morale, the department as a whole has crappy morale, and there's a departmental war going on. A raise, or even the clear and definite promise of a raise in the future, would really, really help to feel better about having busted my ass off for the past three months, for little praise and NO monetary gain.
Cue Today: This morning I receive an email stating that we're shifting three people's positions around. One of them has been named a Coordinator. The ranking system of my job is Specialist, Coordinator, Manager, Vice President. BASICALLY, someone got a promotion in April and it wasn't fucking me.
Nor did they announce that the position was open for application. Nor did they allow anyone to apply for it.
Basically, I got this email, shot my manager a wildly offended look, and went to take my morning 10 minute break in the car where I could shout obscenities into my phone. Later I was told that everyone in the department was having their positions re-branded, and that I would now be a "Business Review Specialist" just like everyone else in the department.
So in essence I not only got passed over for a promotion, I was then stripped of my "leadership" position and put into the same ranks as everyone else. This is the point where I had to fight back tears.
My manager and I spent an hour talking about this in the afternoon and he said that he doesn't believe the Coordinator position holds the same weight that it used to, that he doesn't believe the new Coordinator is in an authority position, and that he found out about her new title in the same email I did.
He also stated that the BBB is not making budget and that the raise is simply not on the table right now.
I just.
What do I even fucking do? Way to give me the OPPOSITE of any motivation to keep hitting numbers. I've already done this for FOUR goddamned months almost, it's now routine, expected. If I don't make the numbers... then what? No raise ever? How do I know that it's any different from now? I was told my work could be of a greater quality, but WHY WOULD I FUCKING CARE?
In other news, the seven hours of sleep I got last night, Stephane Lambiel, listening to Nina Simone, and practicing French vocabulary is pretty much the only thing that got me through today with no tears. I'm going to down a hefty part of the bottle of wine in my fridge and try to write and sleep for thirteen hours. Saturday better fucking represent. I have a haircut and a dinner date tomorrow (with the Boy that Needs a Nickname). BOTH MUST GO FLAWLESSLY OR I WILL PROBABLY GIVE UP AND CRY FOR DAYS.
Now. In other news: My stupid job.
I don't think I've been very quiet about my general ennui when it comes to certain aspects of my life, work and money being chiefest among them. I understand that I got a degree in English instead of say, Pharmacy Tech. I understand that I have not sent out a resume in a year. I understand that I work for a non-profit and there are certain limitations there-in. I'm not a competitive person in the larger game of life. Scrabble, sure I want to win. Studying/working/crying 60 hours a week to get through med school. Nope. In college, I never wanted or cared about getting the top grade in the class on a test. I never wanted to think of other things I could be researching, other ways I could be kissing ass, other ways I could be getting noticed.
In the end, work is very, very low on my totem poll. And I'm working to resign myself to the type of life this will yield me. So please don't think that the ensuing post has anything to do with me having unrealistic expectations.
At the beginning of the year, I and several other people were told that we were asking to assume "leadership" positions as opposed to "management" positions. I, in particular, was told that if I met a certain amount of goals, I would be "rewarded." I balked HARD at doing work I wouldn't be paid for. I looked both my manager and my vice president in the face and made it clear that I was reluctant to be tricked into doing work for nothing. They assured me a reward would come eventually.
So I hit the numbers the first month, the second, and when I did it again on the third, I asked to talk about the reward. I was told that I had done well, could improve, but that it would be discussed in further detail in April.
Cue April: I am on track to hitting the numbers again, but I'm becomingly increasingly more depressed and unfocused. The person I'm supervising has crappy morale, the department as a whole has crappy morale, and there's a departmental war going on. A raise, or even the clear and definite promise of a raise in the future, would really, really help to feel better about having busted my ass off for the past three months, for little praise and NO monetary gain.
Cue Today: This morning I receive an email stating that we're shifting three people's positions around. One of them has been named a Coordinator. The ranking system of my job is Specialist, Coordinator, Manager, Vice President. BASICALLY, someone got a promotion in April and it wasn't fucking me.
Nor did they announce that the position was open for application. Nor did they allow anyone to apply for it.
Basically, I got this email, shot my manager a wildly offended look, and went to take my morning 10 minute break in the car where I could shout obscenities into my phone. Later I was told that everyone in the department was having their positions re-branded, and that I would now be a "Business Review Specialist" just like everyone else in the department.
So in essence I not only got passed over for a promotion, I was then stripped of my "leadership" position and put into the same ranks as everyone else. This is the point where I had to fight back tears.
My manager and I spent an hour talking about this in the afternoon and he said that he doesn't believe the Coordinator position holds the same weight that it used to, that he doesn't believe the new Coordinator is in an authority position, and that he found out about her new title in the same email I did.
He also stated that the BBB is not making budget and that the raise is simply not on the table right now.
I just.
What do I even fucking do? Way to give me the OPPOSITE of any motivation to keep hitting numbers. I've already done this for FOUR goddamned months almost, it's now routine, expected. If I don't make the numbers... then what? No raise ever? How do I know that it's any different from now? I was told my work could be of a greater quality, but WHY WOULD I FUCKING CARE?
In other news, the seven hours of sleep I got last night, Stephane Lambiel, listening to Nina Simone, and practicing French vocabulary is pretty much the only thing that got me through today with no tears. I'm going to down a hefty part of the bottle of wine in my fridge and try to write and sleep for thirteen hours. Saturday better fucking represent. I have a haircut and a dinner date tomorrow (with the Boy that Needs a Nickname). BOTH MUST GO FLAWLESSLY OR I WILL PROBABLY GIVE UP AND CRY FOR DAYS.