(no subject)
Title: Keep Coming Around
Author: Miss Kitty E.
Fandom: SPN RPS
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: 90% PG-13 for occasional language, with NC-17 in the last part.
Word Count: 26,403
Disclaimer: I did not dream Jared and Jensen into existence, but I would have had they not already been running around being real people.
1-2-3-4-5
At the office, the whole week geared up towards Saturday. Mondays were slow, short days for the appointments that just couldn't wait until Tuesday. The middle of the week was just routine, with a few surprises thrown in, by Friday you got as many as three people in the waiting room, and Saturday generally had people waiting outside the door in the morning to be let in. Jensen dreaded Saturdays, they were loud and fast paced and filled with a hundred different names and faces. By the end of the day he was snappish and zoned and not exactly firing on all cylinders.
He dug his fists into his poor, abused back and groaned. "God, Kristen, what else today?"
"Just one more appointment. Someone's bringing in a dog they found."
Jensen sighed sourly. "He can't just take it the Humane Society himself? I'm going to have to make a special trip tomorrow."
Kristen shrugged. "No good deed goes unpunished."
He eyed her. She seemed perky and that was generally never a good thing. She stared coolly back at him but her scrubs, bunnies, hearts, and possibly rainbows, were sort of ruining her attempt to look tough.
Jensen just rolled his eyes. "Whatever, tell me when the good Samaritan gets here."
He started towards the back room but the bell jingled at the door. He sighed, squared his shoulders, and tried to look less cranky.
It was Jared. Jensen's heart did a full-on lurch because it couldn't be. Why would it be? But it was Jared, standing at the door in jeans and a white button down. His big shoulders were hunched awkwardly as if he felt uncomfortable at the bluntness of Jensen's shocked stare. He kind of looked like he was going to be sick but was trying to smile anyway.
A chocolate lab-mix pup a few months old was at his side, straining on a leash. Jensen looked down at it and then over at Kristen. She did not seem nearly surprised enough. Jensen shook his head in disbelief. He'd been set up.
"I uh-" Jared said, ducking his head down. The puppy at his feet started barking, startling them both. Jensen looked down at it and it barked again, oblivious and friendly, excited to be in a new place.
"Hey there, precious!" Kristen cooed. She took the lead from Jared and the dog stood on his hind legs to greet her. "Come on fella, let's get you something to eat and leave these two to talk. Does that sound like fun? Yes, it does!"
She disappeared into the back room.
Jared coughed. "Jensen, I-"
"What are you doing here?" He didn't want some polite apology, some awkward let's be friends. It wasn't fair that Jared got to keep doing this to him, coming into his life and screwing everything up.
"I was driving home from work and I saw him in the street, and-"
Jensen shook his head. "I'm not talking about the fucking dog. You could have taken him anywhere. What do you want?"
Jared scrunched his nose in that way he did when he found something difficult to say. "Actually, I've been trying to figure that out," he said, voice soft after Jensen's own half-frantic bellowing.
"God." Jensen groaned. Hadn't he done this enough in college? "You want absolution? Want me to tell you that lots of guys get confused and think they want to experiment only to find out that they're really, actually a hundred percent straight?"
"You're being mean," Jared told him, quiet and gentle, the kind of voice you use on a scared animal and Jensen did not feel like being patronized.
"Well, I am mean."
"No, you're not." He shook his head. "You think you're this person. You think you're unhappy and a failure, but you're not."
"I'm not unhappy?" Jensen asked, hardly believing Jared had said it. "Do you have any freaking idea how miserable I've been since-" Shit. He'd meant that to be more of an argument, but the second it left his mouth he realized it was too much, too honest. He snapped his mouth shut and turned his face from Jared.
"I'm sorry. Jensen, really I’m sorry."
"Fine." Jensen didn't look at him. "I forgive you. Will you go now?"
Jared didn't go. In fact he took a few steps toward him. Jensen's whole body tensed at his approach, stopping Jared in his tracks. He sighed. "This isn't going how I planned."
Jensen gave Jared a look meant to express just how little sympathy he felt for him. "And what did you plan?"
Jared shrugged and made a face. "Sweeping music? A show-stopping kiss?"
Jensen could hear the words clearly enough but couldn't make sense of them. "What?"
"I came here to tell you I'm in love with you."
"You did not," Jensen breathed. None of this made a damn bit of sense. Any moment Jared would be saying "Gotcha!" and running away, laughing.
Jared laughed and came closer. "I did."
Jensen shook his head, "What about the dog?"
Jared shrugged. "Fate telling me it was time to get over here? I was... having a hard time psyching myself up for it, honestly."
Jensen shook his head again, he'd had a minute to live with the concept that Jared came to say 'I love you,' but it still didn't make any sense. "I don't understand. What about-" he really should just shut up, but he couldn't. "What about Sandy?"
Jared took a deep breath, "We broke up."
"You..." Jensen sighed. Jensen had made the mistake of fooling around with a straight guy or two before but none of them had ever thought it reason enough to do something like that. "You didn't have to do that. It was just-"
"No, you don't get it." Jared came closer and Jensen looked up at him. "Ever since I got back from California, I've let people tell me how things were going to be. I didn't know what I wanted to do, but my parents told me, 'go to UT.' I didn't know what I wanted to study, but my advisor told me, 'study Engineering.' Everything was like that. Grad school, my job, everything."
"What? Even Sandy?"
"No," Jared said. His eyes dropped down to the floor. "No. I was in love with her, but... I guess I stopped and didn't realize it. Or people told me I'd get over it and started asking me when we would set the date and I went along with it, like everything else. And it was easy," Jared shrugged. "I got the grades and got the job and stayed with Sandy and because it was all so easy I thought it was right. That it was what I should be doing, just like everybody said. But." He smiled softly to himself. Jensen hadn't ever seen him smile like that, and in spite of himself, he took in its every detail.
"I met you," Jared went on. "And I didn't want to do it anymore. All the things I was supposed to be doing, supposed to be wanting, just became stuff that kept me from seeing you. I didn't want to study, I didn't want to graduate, and-" He exhaled a long, tired breath, and looked up at Jensen. "I didn't want to get engaged. For a few months there, all I ever did was look for an excuse to talk to you, to see you."
It had been his anger keeping him together and suddenly it was gone. He felt weak, any minute now he was going to have to sit down. "Then why did you-" He looked Jared in the eye, "Why did you leave that night? Why didn't you come talk to me?"
Jared shifted on his feet, uncomfortable again. "You don't know?"
Jensen could easily guess and had been coming up with various scenarios since the morning after. Jared was young, he was scared, he was in a relationship, but Jensen wanted to her Jared say it. "You tell me."
"I couldn't-" Jared huffed, wearily. "I couldn't cheat on Sandy. It was... I wanted it so bad but it wasn't right."
"And it took you more than a month break things off?"
"No, there was other stuff I had to do. Move out of our apartment, tell my parents-"
"You told your parents?" Jensen was really going to have to sit down. This was the very definition of too much to take in.
Jared nodded, laughing a bit humorlessly. "Yeah. They think I've gone insane, or that I'm playing some elaborate prank of them, but they'll come around."
Jensen shook his head. "I can't believe you told your parents. Even I haven't done that."
Jared smiled and finally reached out to him. He took the sleeve of Jensen's lab coat in his fingers but he didn't pull. He just held onto it and Jensen let him. "Do we have to keep talking or can I kiss you now?"
Jensen felt like he couldn't breathe. Or maybe it was that he was breathing too fast. At any rate there was definitely a problem with the amount of oxygen his brain was getting because all he could do was stare up at Jared's face.
Jared bent down, just an inch, bringing their mouths closer to each other. Both their lips parted and their breath mingled hotly between them. "Jensen?"
Jensen didn't answer but he did put his put his hands on Jared's face and pull him down those last two inches. Jared exhaled a long, satisfied breath through his nose and wrapped his arms around the small of Jensen's back. Jensen could only imagine how cheap Hollywood rom-com they looked, Jensen with his arms thrown around Jared's neck, his head bent back so that Jared could kiss him without having to bend his knees. He could feel the extreme curve of his spine as Jared pulled Jensen flush against him.
It was cheesy. Unforgivably so. Kisses were never like this. Not once in his entire life had Jensen ever been kissed like this, and but Jared kept on doing it and Jensen was perfectly fine with that. Jared broke away eventually and laughed, shaky and happy, when Jensen chased his mouth. He visited two more brief pecks down on Jensen's lips and Jensen surged against them, shamelessly trying to drag Jared back into another deep kiss.
It was Kristen clearing her throat that finally reminded Jensen that there were other things in the world than Jared's mouth. He turned his head to look at her but his body refused to move away from Jared and one hand stayed curled against the back of Jared's neck.
"You guys can totally make out here if you want," she said, grinning so big it looked like her face hurt. "But if you want to, you know, take this elsewhere, I can lock up."
Jared looked at Jensen for the answer Jensen thought was pretty damn obvious. He took one of Jared's broad hands in his and pulled him right out the front door.
He looked for Jared's truck in the parking lot but didn't see it.
"Where's-"
"Sold it," Jared answered before Jensen could even finish asking.
"Sold it? Why?"
Jared shook his head. "I'll tell you later. I just- can we get out of here?" He leveled a look at Jensen that somehow gave him goosebumps even in the hot, dry air of summer.
"Yeah," Jensen said, breathless like he'd just run a mile. They went to his car and he drove them to his place, hardly aware that there were even other cars on the road. When Jared put a hand on his knee, cupping the ball of it in his palm, he couldn't hide what that did to him at all. It wasn't in Jared's nature to just let it slide, once he figured out how to get a rise out of someone (so to speak) he was going to push the limit until something happened.
Jared started sliding his hand up just a little, rubbing it up Jensen's thigh and down again. Jensen stared straight ahead and concentrated on not swallowing his tongue.
"The light's green."
"Huh?" he asked, looking over at Jared in the passengers seat.
Jared nodded at something ahead of them. "The light. It's green."
Jensen looked up and when the car behind him honked he realized that meant he was supposed to be accelerating. He did so with sudden gusto and Jared laughed, leaning into Jensen's wild, hurried turns.
He felt a brief flash back to the night of Jared's graduation as they thundered up the metal stairs to his door, feet falling flat against the steps in their haste. It shook him, thinking about that night, but he reminded himself instead of all the ways this was different. Broad daylight, for one, both of them stone cold sober, for another. There was more to it though, like their fingers laced together in full view of the neighbor smoking outside on her balcony and pretending not to watch and Jared pressing up against his back as he fumbled with the keys. Little things that kept signifying again and again that this was a choice, a plan, this was what Jared really wanted.
Dinah greeted them with the usual expectant whining for food but Jensen couldn't really pay her any attention, not with Jared coming at him, smile soft and intimate. He moved down for a kiss and Jensen's only thought was, irrationally, 'I'm not going to survive this.' He could see that plain as day, if Jared left him again, he'd be finished.
It scared the shit out of him and he hid from Jared's kiss.
"What is it?" Jared asked him, not moving away or pulling back at all. He was solid and warm and persistent against Jensen and all he wanted to do was melt into him.
"I don't know if I can get over you again," Jensen said, quiet and ashamed. He was going to screw this up before it even got started.
Jared just smiled at that, a 'gosh, isn't that sweet' smile. He bent down again for that interrupted kiss and Jensen shook his head.
"I'm serious." He tried to pull away but Jared took his hips in his hands and held him.
"What do you want me to do, Jensen? I already broke up with Sandy and told everybody why. I already told you that I love you, which you didn't say back by the way."
Jensen shot him a look that said just how pointless that particular guilt trip was. He was so in love with Jared he couldn't even breathe, but- "You didn't tell me, though. For weeks I thought you-" He took a deep breath, "I called you and you didn't answer."
"I didn't know what to say yet."
"I thought you didn't want me."
"I'm sorry." Jared pressed his lips to Jensen's temple and Jensen couldn't stop his eyes from shutting, his shoulders from just barely relaxing. "I can't help it. I only know how to do one thing at a time and there was a lot I had to do. I had to know. I didn't want to ask you for this and then fuck everything up by being wrong." He pulled back and looked Jensen in the eye, "If I ever do it again, you have permission now to hunt me down and beat some sense in me."
Jensen smiled but it was weak and unsure. "And if I don't?"
"Then you'll have to put up with me howling like a dog at your front step when I come to my senses."
Jensen laughed, meaning it this time, but still distracted. He felt like a house of cards, one wrong move, one wrong word, hell even a wrong breath would utterly destroy him. Jared pulled Jensen close and rubbed their lips together, just a whisper, the barest touch of skin to skin, allowing all those sparks and electricity to pass between them along with one timid question.
Jensen sealed their mouths together and answered it. He felt surer on his feet than anytime they'd kissed before, like he finally believed that this was really happening. Jared relinquished control freely, let Jensen set their pace. He started them at a slow, stop and smell the roses amble, kissing Jared like he had all the time in the world. Jensen could feel Jared smile against his lips at odd times, like he couldn't help but be amused by some stray thought in his inner monologue, and it almost bothered him. This was very serious business, he wanted to say. He was going to be doing this, kissing Jared, for the rest of his life. But Jared's smiles were always contagious and he found himself doing it, too.
He pressed his lips harder against Jared's to hide it, worked his tongue deeper into Jared's mouth. He broke away, panting, and realized their gentle stroll had become an all out run, which reminded Jensen that he'd never really been the type to take it slow. He'd heard it mentioned that the third date was supposed to be some sort of agreed upon start, but if he squinted he could three or four times he and Jared hung out that could retroactively count as dates.
"Come on," he said, pulling Jared back towards the bedroom.
Dinah thought this might be a good time to do some more insistent begging but Jensen just tripped on her, nearly stepping on her tail and sending her streaking off into a corner.
They were still laughing when they stepped past the threshold, out of the hallway and into Jensen's bedroom. It died away when Jensen shut the door, leaving them in silence and three feet apart.
It seemed so hard to reach out and touch Jared when just a moment ago they'd been wrapped up in each other, woven together tight like a knot. Jensen could see some faltering or hesitation on Jared's face and wondered if maybe he was pushing Jared too fast.
He was just about to say something about there being no pressure where Jared took two big strides across the room and kissed him again. From zero to sixty in no time flat and Jensen stopped worrying about going too fast. He moved them back towards the bed, kissed and pushed and shoved at Jared till he half fell on it, sitting down hard enough to make the springs pop.
Jensen knelt on the floor at the end of the bed before Jared could start scooting back toward the headboard. He pressed his face into Jared's neck, licked and sucked at the skin there and found it so delicious he couldn't stop himself from nipping it at it, sharp, with his teeth. Jared's head fell back and his knees opened. Jensen settled himself between them and started opening Jared's shirt. He came down with a temporary ADD, jumping randomly from one task to another, mouthing Jared's neck, kissing his mouth red, fighting with the small, stubborn buttons of his shirt, and touching every new inch of Jared's body that he exposed.
It wasn't until his hands came to Jared's belt buckle that he felt everything come into focus. He looked up at Jared's face again and saw nothing but wanting. He smoothed his hand up Jared's stomach, pushing him down on his back gently, and wolfed down the sight with lidded, hungry eyes. The clink of the belt buckle rang over the sound of their rough breathing and he could see the outline of Jared's cock, straining up against heavy denim.
He hooked his fingers into the waistband of Jared's boxers and pulled them off along with the jeans. He wasn't going to do any of this in half steps. Couldn't really, he wanted this so bad he couldn't see straight. Jared lifted his hips and his erection popped free of his clothes, curved up long and thick onto his belly. Jensen hadn't doubted for a second that it would be perfect and it was.
He rubbed his palm flat against the underside. "Beautiful," he said, taking it in hand. "Fucking gorgeous." Half pillow talk and half honest appreciation for the weight and thickness of it, the velvety skin on the head, the veins all along the shaft, and the solid hardness beneath them.
Jared was decent enough to play bashful but Jensen didn't really care if Jared was coy or not. He could be as arrogant as he wanted to be about this, tell Jensen anything and everything about how he was going to give it to him, how Jensen was going to take it and Jensen would just nod his head and say, "please, yes."
As it was, it was sweet when Jared gasped, tight and surprised, when Jensen curved his whole body down to take it in his mouth. He'd do the full performance later, complete with warm up, magic show, and intermission, but now, now he just wanted this, rubbing his mouth raw on Jared's magnificent cock. He held Jared's hips still while he remembered all the finer points of breathing his throat full and open. Jared groaned, the sound low and reverberant in his chest, when Jensen set an enthusiastic rhythm, fist pulling at the base in a counterpoint to the slide of his mouth.
Jared slid his palm over the short buzz of hair on the back of Jensen's neck. "Fuck, Jensen." His hips stuttered, thrust forward and shied back. His hands moved to Jensen's shoulders, made like to push him off.
It was all Jensen could do not to roll his eyes. He took his hand off Jared's cock, slid his mouth down easy and then up, long, hard and slow, milking a whine right out of Jared's throat. Then he did it again, because this, Jared coming apart in his mouth, was exactly what he pushing for. He wanted it so bad he had to press the heel of his hand down hard on his zipper to keep his cock from leaking any harder.
Jared's stomach curled up a bit and his hips moved enough that Jensen had to change his position. He glanced up to see Jared braced up on one elbow, thighs spread wide to fit Jensen between them. His eyes were on Jensen, taking in the wicked, sexy picture they made: him on his knees and fully clothed, Jared spread out with one big hand spread on the back of Jensen's head. Jensen put his palms flat on the bed on either side of Jared's hips and opened his throat as far as it would let him.
Jared thrust forward, slow and careful, feeling out the limits of Jensen's mouth. "Jesus," he gasped, doing it again. Jensen could only moan blissfully in response to the sour-sweet taste of precome spreading on his tongue.
It wasn't very long after that, Jared had been holding himself too tight and the moment he let himself go, it just went off. Three or four desperate snaps of his hips and Jensen was swallowing, over and over, while Jared shook and spent himself. He didn't pull off until Jared was completely still beneath him and when he did it was another long drag up that had Jared bucking up weakly and honest to god whimpering.
Jensen wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and felt supremely, marvelously satisfied. He stood up to go his bathroom, grab a glass of water but Jared caught his wrist and pulled him down to the bed so quickly he let out a "whumph!" of surprise. Half-sprawled across Jared, he found himself being thoroughly, vigorously kissed. He balked, trying to pull away, but Jared held him firm and they kissed until Jared's taste lingered only in the very back of his throat.
Jared broke away and stared down at Jensen with a blissed out smile and half-lidded eyes. "Dude," he said, suddenly laughing and looking down between them. "You didn't even get my socks off."
He sat up to tug his jeans all the way off and peeled off his socks. Jensen refrained from making the really obvious, 'Because I was too busy getting your rocks off' joke and he was very proud of himself for it.
"Why are you still wearing clothes?" Jared rolled over, heavy body coming down on Jensen and Jensen pressed up against the weight, testing. He could no more throw Jared off than he could bench two-fifty but it wasn't fear at all that he felt when Jared cast a shadow over him and said, "get them off," in a tone that made it plain he meant now.
He slid his hands up Jared's back and thrilled to the feel of muscle beneath them. Jared was huge and strong and when he looked down at Jensen the lust-clouded look on his face broke into something like barely restrained glee. Jensen couldn't think of anything he wanted more than that body and that face put to work on him.
Luckily, Jared didn't have to be asked. He pushed his hands up Jensen's scrubs and dragged them up and up and until Jensen sat up a little, crossed his arms over his chest and took them off. He was still tugging when Jared tucked his fingers under Jensen's waistband, and cupped his hipbone. Jensen paused, momentarily derailed, before coming back to himself and shrugging his shirt off completely.
Jared rocked back onto his ankles, put his hands on Jensen's sides, and slid them down. Jensen wasn't usually self-conscious about being undressed, well usually he was drunk, but most of the time he just never gave it much thought. But this was Jared and he hadn't been looked at this carefully in a long time. Jared's gaze swept down his body and up again, and Jensen kicked his scrubs off the rest of the way, feeling completely ungainly and not at all sexy as he did it. He moved to slide up the bed towards the pillows, put his hands behind him and arched his back, and Jared was suddenly on him again.
It was like being feasted upon, devoured. Jared's mouth took his and his hands covered wide swaths of Jensen's body before he could really process what was happening. The hot, thin skin stretched across Jared's hip bone brushed against his cock and reminded Jensen pretty quickly of just how bad he wanted to come. He thrust up against Jared's long thigh, once hard to take the edge off and then again more gently. He dragged the head of his cock in the sweat-damp groove where Jared's hip met his torso and moaned.
Jared pulled away, obviously startled. Jensen's stomach clenched, so fucking scared that the fall out was going to happen now, that everything up until this point was just a good show of Jared trying to handle it. Jensen sat up on his elbows, ready to say anything to soothe him. It was scary, it was new, and Jensen wasn't going to make him do anything he couldn't handle. He opened his mouth to say things all that and anything else, when Jared put his palm right in the center of Jensen's chest. Jensen blinked down at it, confused but when he looked up the anxious expression on Jared's face was gone, replaced with bald-faced affection and desire.
The hand on his chest, Jensen realized, was Jared trying to soothe him. Jared moved his hand, slid it low over Jensen's belly, down his hip, up his thigh everywhere except where Jensen wanted it most. He stared down at Jensen, so hard his gaze was almost as tactile as his fingers, watching his hands moving across Jensen's body until he was trembling with the effort not to push, not to demand. Jensen was ready to scream in frustration, or at the very least take matters in his own hand, when finally, finally, Jared bit his lip bashfully and wrapped his fingers around Jensen's dick.
"Shit," Jensen hissed, hips jumping up into that touch. "God-damned fuck." He couldn't talk dirty, not really, couldn't think of anything when he was hot except a long string of nonsensical curse words. It was kind of embarrassing.
Jared laughed at him, real quiet. He tucked his face against Jensen's shoulder and pulled more profanity from his lips with the movement of his fist. He wasn't exactly a pro at this but he worked at Jensen with a dogged tenacity until he was gasping, mouth open against Jared's, hips moving up to meet Jared's strokes down.
"Jared. Fuck, oh god, fuck," Jensen moaned. His climax rose up fast, faster than he could even try to cope with. He thumped Jared's shoulder but Jared only picked up the pace. Jensen fisted his hand in Jared's hair, recklessly, and the only rebuff he got was Jared's hand going tight enough to wring the orgasm right out of him in two, three strokes.
He shuddered and Jared cupped his palm over to catch it, kissing happily at Jensen's slack mouth. Jensen used the very last of his strength to kiss him back fiercely, one more deep, wet kiss that was all teeth and tongue before he collapsed, deliciously exhausted, to the bed. Jared reached back with one long arm to the corner of the bed of wiped his hand, a habit Jensen would have to break him of quick. Right now, though, it didn't seem to matter much, because Jared laid back down beside him, pulling Jensen resolutely against his chest. Jensen hid his face for a while, cheek pressed flat against Jared's broad, smooth shoulder, breathing deep as he came down.
When he finally did dare to look up, Jared beamed at him. His hair was wild, damp and messy from sweat and Jensen's fingers. Jensen laughed fondly, and tried to smooth it, but Jared just kissed him again.
"That was fucking awesome," he said after, as if Jensen didn't already know.
---
They dozed, never really sleeping, but not talking either. Sometimes they shut their eyes, sometimes they stared off into some undefined space and sometimes they looked, wonderingly, at each other. Jensen couldn't help but keep reaching out, his fingertips on Jared's skin reverent and only occasionally mischievous. He held out as long as he could before giving into his bladder's increasingly urgent demands, knowing that once he disappeared into the bathroom and came out again the spell of comfortable silence would be broken and they would have to talk.
Not like he had any other options, though. He did just that and before getting back in bed he found his boxers and pulled them on. He hated talking about important stuff while naked. It felt so ridiculous.
Jared seemed to have no such qualms. He looked Jensen in the eye, not a stitch of clothing on him and told him, "you still haven't said it."
Jensen couldn't help but play dumb. "Said what?"
Jared pursed his lips like he tasted something sour. Jensen sighed and sat down cross-legged on the bed, as close as he could be to Jared without touching him. "Can you really blame me for being gun shy?"
Jared took a breath in and let it out in a huff. "It's not that, I guess. I just. I want to know what you're scared of. I want to know what I'm dealing with."
He put his hand on Jensen's thigh, just placed it there over his knee when he tried to look away. "What if all this isn't as good as what you had?" Jensen finally asked.
Jared's shoulders dropped. "That's what this is about?"
"What would you think if you were me? You had this perfect life, this perfect plan and I'm glad, amazed really, you chose me, but I still kind of feel like a bastard for fucking it up. I don't want you to regret this but I can't see how you won't when you start to see your friends with all the things you could have had."
"And what is it I'm giving up?"
"Everything? The wife, the house, the two point five kids." He was sort of horrified at himself for going on about it. The last thing he wanted was for Jared to decide that this, them, wasn't worth giving it all up and here Jensen was telling basically telling him exactly that.
"I told you I don't want that."
Jensen rolled his eyes, angry with Jared for being so obtuse. "Really? That's all I ever wanted."
"You know, I don't think really you did."
It almost made him angry, that Jared thought he could make such sweeping statements about who Jensen was and what he wanted. He opened his mouth to say so but Jared just kept right on talking. "You bitch and moan about being a vet, but you're good at it. You act like all you want is to live the American dream, but why? You really think that'll make you happy?"
Jensen refused to answer him.
Jared sighed. "You act like you never wanted any of this, like something was taken away from you, but you never say that anyone made you do it. To hear you tell it, Jensen, it just... didn't happen."
"What are you trying to say?"
"I'm trying to say that maybe you'd be happy if you just tried being happy."
Jensen groaned. "You are too young and too naked to be acting like my therapist."
Jared laughed and flopped back down on the bed. "Shut up. I’m still right."
Maybe he was, and maybe he wasn't, but either way Jensen wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of admitting it.
"So?" Jared asked.
"So?" Jensen asked back.
"So what now?"
Jensen thought about that and while he thought his hand rubbed down Jared's stomach. "I don't know. I want you. I want this to be permanent and exclusive and I don't think I want to take it slow."
Jared smiled. "I think I'm fine with that."
"I... I don't think I want to live in San Antonio anymore." It was scarier to admit that, even worse than coming out and saying that he wanted to jump head first into a serious relationship.
Jared stuck his lips out like a duck, his default face for when he was pretending to seriously consider something. "Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah," Jared said, shrugging. "Wait, you didn't want to move back to Dallas, did you?"
Jensen blinked. He hadn't really thought about where but Dallas was a definite no and he told Jared as much.
"Good, because Dallas sucks."
"Jared," Jokes were all well and good, but it wasn't going to be funny for very long.
"It does!"
"You can't just move because I want to. What about your job and everything?" Jesus. He was going to have to stop this, he realized, this arguing against himself.
Some secret smile quirked Jared's lips. "Dude, why do you think I sold my truck?"
"Huh?" He hadn't thought about Jared's truck once since they got into Jensen's car and drove away from the office.
"I quit," Jared said, as gleefully as if he'd just admitted to dropping a cherry bomb in a public toilet. "Before I even started. I didn't work one single day as an engineer. In fact, I think I want to try acting again."
"Oh." Jensen thought about that for a while, too. "I wish you'd told me that before."
"Why?"
"It would have been nice to know the guy I'm in love with was an out of work actor that doesn't have a car."
Jared saw right through to the confession hidden in the joke. Jensen felt a flush creep up his neck but he met Jared's eyes evenly and didn't deny it.
Jared smiled and moved his hand up Jensen's thigh. "Yeah, well, sucks to be you."
It didn't though. Jensen laced his fingers into Jared's, and Jared pulled him firmly down. He stretched his body over Jared's and kissed him until two long arms locked around his waist, and that was a damn sight better than a white picket fence, than anything really.
1-2-3-4-5
If you're not satisfied with the ending, never fear, I wasn't either and I wrote another a sort of coda. Just this Good
Author: Miss Kitty E.
Fandom: SPN RPS
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: 90% PG-13 for occasional language, with NC-17 in the last part.
Word Count: 26,403
Disclaimer: I did not dream Jared and Jensen into existence, but I would have had they not already been running around being real people.
1-2-3-4-5
At the office, the whole week geared up towards Saturday. Mondays were slow, short days for the appointments that just couldn't wait until Tuesday. The middle of the week was just routine, with a few surprises thrown in, by Friday you got as many as three people in the waiting room, and Saturday generally had people waiting outside the door in the morning to be let in. Jensen dreaded Saturdays, they were loud and fast paced and filled with a hundred different names and faces. By the end of the day he was snappish and zoned and not exactly firing on all cylinders.
He dug his fists into his poor, abused back and groaned. "God, Kristen, what else today?"
"Just one more appointment. Someone's bringing in a dog they found."
Jensen sighed sourly. "He can't just take it the Humane Society himself? I'm going to have to make a special trip tomorrow."
Kristen shrugged. "No good deed goes unpunished."
He eyed her. She seemed perky and that was generally never a good thing. She stared coolly back at him but her scrubs, bunnies, hearts, and possibly rainbows, were sort of ruining her attempt to look tough.
Jensen just rolled his eyes. "Whatever, tell me when the good Samaritan gets here."
He started towards the back room but the bell jingled at the door. He sighed, squared his shoulders, and tried to look less cranky.
It was Jared. Jensen's heart did a full-on lurch because it couldn't be. Why would it be? But it was Jared, standing at the door in jeans and a white button down. His big shoulders were hunched awkwardly as if he felt uncomfortable at the bluntness of Jensen's shocked stare. He kind of looked like he was going to be sick but was trying to smile anyway.
A chocolate lab-mix pup a few months old was at his side, straining on a leash. Jensen looked down at it and then over at Kristen. She did not seem nearly surprised enough. Jensen shook his head in disbelief. He'd been set up.
"I uh-" Jared said, ducking his head down. The puppy at his feet started barking, startling them both. Jensen looked down at it and it barked again, oblivious and friendly, excited to be in a new place.
"Hey there, precious!" Kristen cooed. She took the lead from Jared and the dog stood on his hind legs to greet her. "Come on fella, let's get you something to eat and leave these two to talk. Does that sound like fun? Yes, it does!"
She disappeared into the back room.
Jared coughed. "Jensen, I-"
"What are you doing here?" He didn't want some polite apology, some awkward let's be friends. It wasn't fair that Jared got to keep doing this to him, coming into his life and screwing everything up.
"I was driving home from work and I saw him in the street, and-"
Jensen shook his head. "I'm not talking about the fucking dog. You could have taken him anywhere. What do you want?"
Jared scrunched his nose in that way he did when he found something difficult to say. "Actually, I've been trying to figure that out," he said, voice soft after Jensen's own half-frantic bellowing.
"God." Jensen groaned. Hadn't he done this enough in college? "You want absolution? Want me to tell you that lots of guys get confused and think they want to experiment only to find out that they're really, actually a hundred percent straight?"
"You're being mean," Jared told him, quiet and gentle, the kind of voice you use on a scared animal and Jensen did not feel like being patronized.
"Well, I am mean."
"No, you're not." He shook his head. "You think you're this person. You think you're unhappy and a failure, but you're not."
"I'm not unhappy?" Jensen asked, hardly believing Jared had said it. "Do you have any freaking idea how miserable I've been since-" Shit. He'd meant that to be more of an argument, but the second it left his mouth he realized it was too much, too honest. He snapped his mouth shut and turned his face from Jared.
"I'm sorry. Jensen, really I’m sorry."
"Fine." Jensen didn't look at him. "I forgive you. Will you go now?"
Jared didn't go. In fact he took a few steps toward him. Jensen's whole body tensed at his approach, stopping Jared in his tracks. He sighed. "This isn't going how I planned."
Jensen gave Jared a look meant to express just how little sympathy he felt for him. "And what did you plan?"
Jared shrugged and made a face. "Sweeping music? A show-stopping kiss?"
Jensen could hear the words clearly enough but couldn't make sense of them. "What?"
"I came here to tell you I'm in love with you."
"You did not," Jensen breathed. None of this made a damn bit of sense. Any moment Jared would be saying "Gotcha!" and running away, laughing.
Jared laughed and came closer. "I did."
Jensen shook his head, "What about the dog?"
Jared shrugged. "Fate telling me it was time to get over here? I was... having a hard time psyching myself up for it, honestly."
Jensen shook his head again, he'd had a minute to live with the concept that Jared came to say 'I love you,' but it still didn't make any sense. "I don't understand. What about-" he really should just shut up, but he couldn't. "What about Sandy?"
Jared took a deep breath, "We broke up."
"You..." Jensen sighed. Jensen had made the mistake of fooling around with a straight guy or two before but none of them had ever thought it reason enough to do something like that. "You didn't have to do that. It was just-"
"No, you don't get it." Jared came closer and Jensen looked up at him. "Ever since I got back from California, I've let people tell me how things were going to be. I didn't know what I wanted to do, but my parents told me, 'go to UT.' I didn't know what I wanted to study, but my advisor told me, 'study Engineering.' Everything was like that. Grad school, my job, everything."
"What? Even Sandy?"
"No," Jared said. His eyes dropped down to the floor. "No. I was in love with her, but... I guess I stopped and didn't realize it. Or people told me I'd get over it and started asking me when we would set the date and I went along with it, like everything else. And it was easy," Jared shrugged. "I got the grades and got the job and stayed with Sandy and because it was all so easy I thought it was right. That it was what I should be doing, just like everybody said. But." He smiled softly to himself. Jensen hadn't ever seen him smile like that, and in spite of himself, he took in its every detail.
"I met you," Jared went on. "And I didn't want to do it anymore. All the things I was supposed to be doing, supposed to be wanting, just became stuff that kept me from seeing you. I didn't want to study, I didn't want to graduate, and-" He exhaled a long, tired breath, and looked up at Jensen. "I didn't want to get engaged. For a few months there, all I ever did was look for an excuse to talk to you, to see you."
It had been his anger keeping him together and suddenly it was gone. He felt weak, any minute now he was going to have to sit down. "Then why did you-" He looked Jared in the eye, "Why did you leave that night? Why didn't you come talk to me?"
Jared shifted on his feet, uncomfortable again. "You don't know?"
Jensen could easily guess and had been coming up with various scenarios since the morning after. Jared was young, he was scared, he was in a relationship, but Jensen wanted to her Jared say it. "You tell me."
"I couldn't-" Jared huffed, wearily. "I couldn't cheat on Sandy. It was... I wanted it so bad but it wasn't right."
"And it took you more than a month break things off?"
"No, there was other stuff I had to do. Move out of our apartment, tell my parents-"
"You told your parents?" Jensen was really going to have to sit down. This was the very definition of too much to take in.
Jared nodded, laughing a bit humorlessly. "Yeah. They think I've gone insane, or that I'm playing some elaborate prank of them, but they'll come around."
Jensen shook his head. "I can't believe you told your parents. Even I haven't done that."
Jared smiled and finally reached out to him. He took the sleeve of Jensen's lab coat in his fingers but he didn't pull. He just held onto it and Jensen let him. "Do we have to keep talking or can I kiss you now?"
Jensen felt like he couldn't breathe. Or maybe it was that he was breathing too fast. At any rate there was definitely a problem with the amount of oxygen his brain was getting because all he could do was stare up at Jared's face.
Jared bent down, just an inch, bringing their mouths closer to each other. Both their lips parted and their breath mingled hotly between them. "Jensen?"
Jensen didn't answer but he did put his put his hands on Jared's face and pull him down those last two inches. Jared exhaled a long, satisfied breath through his nose and wrapped his arms around the small of Jensen's back. Jensen could only imagine how cheap Hollywood rom-com they looked, Jensen with his arms thrown around Jared's neck, his head bent back so that Jared could kiss him without having to bend his knees. He could feel the extreme curve of his spine as Jared pulled Jensen flush against him.
It was cheesy. Unforgivably so. Kisses were never like this. Not once in his entire life had Jensen ever been kissed like this, and but Jared kept on doing it and Jensen was perfectly fine with that. Jared broke away eventually and laughed, shaky and happy, when Jensen chased his mouth. He visited two more brief pecks down on Jensen's lips and Jensen surged against them, shamelessly trying to drag Jared back into another deep kiss.
It was Kristen clearing her throat that finally reminded Jensen that there were other things in the world than Jared's mouth. He turned his head to look at her but his body refused to move away from Jared and one hand stayed curled against the back of Jared's neck.
"You guys can totally make out here if you want," she said, grinning so big it looked like her face hurt. "But if you want to, you know, take this elsewhere, I can lock up."
Jared looked at Jensen for the answer Jensen thought was pretty damn obvious. He took one of Jared's broad hands in his and pulled him right out the front door.
He looked for Jared's truck in the parking lot but didn't see it.
"Where's-"
"Sold it," Jared answered before Jensen could even finish asking.
"Sold it? Why?"
Jared shook his head. "I'll tell you later. I just- can we get out of here?" He leveled a look at Jensen that somehow gave him goosebumps even in the hot, dry air of summer.
"Yeah," Jensen said, breathless like he'd just run a mile. They went to his car and he drove them to his place, hardly aware that there were even other cars on the road. When Jared put a hand on his knee, cupping the ball of it in his palm, he couldn't hide what that did to him at all. It wasn't in Jared's nature to just let it slide, once he figured out how to get a rise out of someone (so to speak) he was going to push the limit until something happened.
Jared started sliding his hand up just a little, rubbing it up Jensen's thigh and down again. Jensen stared straight ahead and concentrated on not swallowing his tongue.
"The light's green."
"Huh?" he asked, looking over at Jared in the passengers seat.
Jared nodded at something ahead of them. "The light. It's green."
Jensen looked up and when the car behind him honked he realized that meant he was supposed to be accelerating. He did so with sudden gusto and Jared laughed, leaning into Jensen's wild, hurried turns.
He felt a brief flash back to the night of Jared's graduation as they thundered up the metal stairs to his door, feet falling flat against the steps in their haste. It shook him, thinking about that night, but he reminded himself instead of all the ways this was different. Broad daylight, for one, both of them stone cold sober, for another. There was more to it though, like their fingers laced together in full view of the neighbor smoking outside on her balcony and pretending not to watch and Jared pressing up against his back as he fumbled with the keys. Little things that kept signifying again and again that this was a choice, a plan, this was what Jared really wanted.
Dinah greeted them with the usual expectant whining for food but Jensen couldn't really pay her any attention, not with Jared coming at him, smile soft and intimate. He moved down for a kiss and Jensen's only thought was, irrationally, 'I'm not going to survive this.' He could see that plain as day, if Jared left him again, he'd be finished.
It scared the shit out of him and he hid from Jared's kiss.
"What is it?" Jared asked him, not moving away or pulling back at all. He was solid and warm and persistent against Jensen and all he wanted to do was melt into him.
"I don't know if I can get over you again," Jensen said, quiet and ashamed. He was going to screw this up before it even got started.
Jared just smiled at that, a 'gosh, isn't that sweet' smile. He bent down again for that interrupted kiss and Jensen shook his head.
"I'm serious." He tried to pull away but Jared took his hips in his hands and held him.
"What do you want me to do, Jensen? I already broke up with Sandy and told everybody why. I already told you that I love you, which you didn't say back by the way."
Jensen shot him a look that said just how pointless that particular guilt trip was. He was so in love with Jared he couldn't even breathe, but- "You didn't tell me, though. For weeks I thought you-" He took a deep breath, "I called you and you didn't answer."
"I didn't know what to say yet."
"I thought you didn't want me."
"I'm sorry." Jared pressed his lips to Jensen's temple and Jensen couldn't stop his eyes from shutting, his shoulders from just barely relaxing. "I can't help it. I only know how to do one thing at a time and there was a lot I had to do. I had to know. I didn't want to ask you for this and then fuck everything up by being wrong." He pulled back and looked Jensen in the eye, "If I ever do it again, you have permission now to hunt me down and beat some sense in me."
Jensen smiled but it was weak and unsure. "And if I don't?"
"Then you'll have to put up with me howling like a dog at your front step when I come to my senses."
Jensen laughed, meaning it this time, but still distracted. He felt like a house of cards, one wrong move, one wrong word, hell even a wrong breath would utterly destroy him. Jared pulled Jensen close and rubbed their lips together, just a whisper, the barest touch of skin to skin, allowing all those sparks and electricity to pass between them along with one timid question.
Jensen sealed their mouths together and answered it. He felt surer on his feet than anytime they'd kissed before, like he finally believed that this was really happening. Jared relinquished control freely, let Jensen set their pace. He started them at a slow, stop and smell the roses amble, kissing Jared like he had all the time in the world. Jensen could feel Jared smile against his lips at odd times, like he couldn't help but be amused by some stray thought in his inner monologue, and it almost bothered him. This was very serious business, he wanted to say. He was going to be doing this, kissing Jared, for the rest of his life. But Jared's smiles were always contagious and he found himself doing it, too.
He pressed his lips harder against Jared's to hide it, worked his tongue deeper into Jared's mouth. He broke away, panting, and realized their gentle stroll had become an all out run, which reminded Jensen that he'd never really been the type to take it slow. He'd heard it mentioned that the third date was supposed to be some sort of agreed upon start, but if he squinted he could three or four times he and Jared hung out that could retroactively count as dates.
"Come on," he said, pulling Jared back towards the bedroom.
Dinah thought this might be a good time to do some more insistent begging but Jensen just tripped on her, nearly stepping on her tail and sending her streaking off into a corner.
They were still laughing when they stepped past the threshold, out of the hallway and into Jensen's bedroom. It died away when Jensen shut the door, leaving them in silence and three feet apart.
It seemed so hard to reach out and touch Jared when just a moment ago they'd been wrapped up in each other, woven together tight like a knot. Jensen could see some faltering or hesitation on Jared's face and wondered if maybe he was pushing Jared too fast.
He was just about to say something about there being no pressure where Jared took two big strides across the room and kissed him again. From zero to sixty in no time flat and Jensen stopped worrying about going too fast. He moved them back towards the bed, kissed and pushed and shoved at Jared till he half fell on it, sitting down hard enough to make the springs pop.
Jensen knelt on the floor at the end of the bed before Jared could start scooting back toward the headboard. He pressed his face into Jared's neck, licked and sucked at the skin there and found it so delicious he couldn't stop himself from nipping it at it, sharp, with his teeth. Jared's head fell back and his knees opened. Jensen settled himself between them and started opening Jared's shirt. He came down with a temporary ADD, jumping randomly from one task to another, mouthing Jared's neck, kissing his mouth red, fighting with the small, stubborn buttons of his shirt, and touching every new inch of Jared's body that he exposed.
It wasn't until his hands came to Jared's belt buckle that he felt everything come into focus. He looked up at Jared's face again and saw nothing but wanting. He smoothed his hand up Jared's stomach, pushing him down on his back gently, and wolfed down the sight with lidded, hungry eyes. The clink of the belt buckle rang over the sound of their rough breathing and he could see the outline of Jared's cock, straining up against heavy denim.
He hooked his fingers into the waistband of Jared's boxers and pulled them off along with the jeans. He wasn't going to do any of this in half steps. Couldn't really, he wanted this so bad he couldn't see straight. Jared lifted his hips and his erection popped free of his clothes, curved up long and thick onto his belly. Jensen hadn't doubted for a second that it would be perfect and it was.
He rubbed his palm flat against the underside. "Beautiful," he said, taking it in hand. "Fucking gorgeous." Half pillow talk and half honest appreciation for the weight and thickness of it, the velvety skin on the head, the veins all along the shaft, and the solid hardness beneath them.
Jared was decent enough to play bashful but Jensen didn't really care if Jared was coy or not. He could be as arrogant as he wanted to be about this, tell Jensen anything and everything about how he was going to give it to him, how Jensen was going to take it and Jensen would just nod his head and say, "please, yes."
As it was, it was sweet when Jared gasped, tight and surprised, when Jensen curved his whole body down to take it in his mouth. He'd do the full performance later, complete with warm up, magic show, and intermission, but now, now he just wanted this, rubbing his mouth raw on Jared's magnificent cock. He held Jared's hips still while he remembered all the finer points of breathing his throat full and open. Jared groaned, the sound low and reverberant in his chest, when Jensen set an enthusiastic rhythm, fist pulling at the base in a counterpoint to the slide of his mouth.
Jared slid his palm over the short buzz of hair on the back of Jensen's neck. "Fuck, Jensen." His hips stuttered, thrust forward and shied back. His hands moved to Jensen's shoulders, made like to push him off.
It was all Jensen could do not to roll his eyes. He took his hand off Jared's cock, slid his mouth down easy and then up, long, hard and slow, milking a whine right out of Jared's throat. Then he did it again, because this, Jared coming apart in his mouth, was exactly what he pushing for. He wanted it so bad he had to press the heel of his hand down hard on his zipper to keep his cock from leaking any harder.
Jared's stomach curled up a bit and his hips moved enough that Jensen had to change his position. He glanced up to see Jared braced up on one elbow, thighs spread wide to fit Jensen between them. His eyes were on Jensen, taking in the wicked, sexy picture they made: him on his knees and fully clothed, Jared spread out with one big hand spread on the back of Jensen's head. Jensen put his palms flat on the bed on either side of Jared's hips and opened his throat as far as it would let him.
Jared thrust forward, slow and careful, feeling out the limits of Jensen's mouth. "Jesus," he gasped, doing it again. Jensen could only moan blissfully in response to the sour-sweet taste of precome spreading on his tongue.
It wasn't very long after that, Jared had been holding himself too tight and the moment he let himself go, it just went off. Three or four desperate snaps of his hips and Jensen was swallowing, over and over, while Jared shook and spent himself. He didn't pull off until Jared was completely still beneath him and when he did it was another long drag up that had Jared bucking up weakly and honest to god whimpering.
Jensen wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and felt supremely, marvelously satisfied. He stood up to go his bathroom, grab a glass of water but Jared caught his wrist and pulled him down to the bed so quickly he let out a "whumph!" of surprise. Half-sprawled across Jared, he found himself being thoroughly, vigorously kissed. He balked, trying to pull away, but Jared held him firm and they kissed until Jared's taste lingered only in the very back of his throat.
Jared broke away and stared down at Jensen with a blissed out smile and half-lidded eyes. "Dude," he said, suddenly laughing and looking down between them. "You didn't even get my socks off."
He sat up to tug his jeans all the way off and peeled off his socks. Jensen refrained from making the really obvious, 'Because I was too busy getting your rocks off' joke and he was very proud of himself for it.
"Why are you still wearing clothes?" Jared rolled over, heavy body coming down on Jensen and Jensen pressed up against the weight, testing. He could no more throw Jared off than he could bench two-fifty but it wasn't fear at all that he felt when Jared cast a shadow over him and said, "get them off," in a tone that made it plain he meant now.
He slid his hands up Jared's back and thrilled to the feel of muscle beneath them. Jared was huge and strong and when he looked down at Jensen the lust-clouded look on his face broke into something like barely restrained glee. Jensen couldn't think of anything he wanted more than that body and that face put to work on him.
Luckily, Jared didn't have to be asked. He pushed his hands up Jensen's scrubs and dragged them up and up and until Jensen sat up a little, crossed his arms over his chest and took them off. He was still tugging when Jared tucked his fingers under Jensen's waistband, and cupped his hipbone. Jensen paused, momentarily derailed, before coming back to himself and shrugging his shirt off completely.
Jared rocked back onto his ankles, put his hands on Jensen's sides, and slid them down. Jensen wasn't usually self-conscious about being undressed, well usually he was drunk, but most of the time he just never gave it much thought. But this was Jared and he hadn't been looked at this carefully in a long time. Jared's gaze swept down his body and up again, and Jensen kicked his scrubs off the rest of the way, feeling completely ungainly and not at all sexy as he did it. He moved to slide up the bed towards the pillows, put his hands behind him and arched his back, and Jared was suddenly on him again.
It was like being feasted upon, devoured. Jared's mouth took his and his hands covered wide swaths of Jensen's body before he could really process what was happening. The hot, thin skin stretched across Jared's hip bone brushed against his cock and reminded Jensen pretty quickly of just how bad he wanted to come. He thrust up against Jared's long thigh, once hard to take the edge off and then again more gently. He dragged the head of his cock in the sweat-damp groove where Jared's hip met his torso and moaned.
Jared pulled away, obviously startled. Jensen's stomach clenched, so fucking scared that the fall out was going to happen now, that everything up until this point was just a good show of Jared trying to handle it. Jensen sat up on his elbows, ready to say anything to soothe him. It was scary, it was new, and Jensen wasn't going to make him do anything he couldn't handle. He opened his mouth to say things all that and anything else, when Jared put his palm right in the center of Jensen's chest. Jensen blinked down at it, confused but when he looked up the anxious expression on Jared's face was gone, replaced with bald-faced affection and desire.
The hand on his chest, Jensen realized, was Jared trying to soothe him. Jared moved his hand, slid it low over Jensen's belly, down his hip, up his thigh everywhere except where Jensen wanted it most. He stared down at Jensen, so hard his gaze was almost as tactile as his fingers, watching his hands moving across Jensen's body until he was trembling with the effort not to push, not to demand. Jensen was ready to scream in frustration, or at the very least take matters in his own hand, when finally, finally, Jared bit his lip bashfully and wrapped his fingers around Jensen's dick.
"Shit," Jensen hissed, hips jumping up into that touch. "God-damned fuck." He couldn't talk dirty, not really, couldn't think of anything when he was hot except a long string of nonsensical curse words. It was kind of embarrassing.
Jared laughed at him, real quiet. He tucked his face against Jensen's shoulder and pulled more profanity from his lips with the movement of his fist. He wasn't exactly a pro at this but he worked at Jensen with a dogged tenacity until he was gasping, mouth open against Jared's, hips moving up to meet Jared's strokes down.
"Jared. Fuck, oh god, fuck," Jensen moaned. His climax rose up fast, faster than he could even try to cope with. He thumped Jared's shoulder but Jared only picked up the pace. Jensen fisted his hand in Jared's hair, recklessly, and the only rebuff he got was Jared's hand going tight enough to wring the orgasm right out of him in two, three strokes.
He shuddered and Jared cupped his palm over to catch it, kissing happily at Jensen's slack mouth. Jensen used the very last of his strength to kiss him back fiercely, one more deep, wet kiss that was all teeth and tongue before he collapsed, deliciously exhausted, to the bed. Jared reached back with one long arm to the corner of the bed of wiped his hand, a habit Jensen would have to break him of quick. Right now, though, it didn't seem to matter much, because Jared laid back down beside him, pulling Jensen resolutely against his chest. Jensen hid his face for a while, cheek pressed flat against Jared's broad, smooth shoulder, breathing deep as he came down.
When he finally did dare to look up, Jared beamed at him. His hair was wild, damp and messy from sweat and Jensen's fingers. Jensen laughed fondly, and tried to smooth it, but Jared just kissed him again.
"That was fucking awesome," he said after, as if Jensen didn't already know.
---
They dozed, never really sleeping, but not talking either. Sometimes they shut their eyes, sometimes they stared off into some undefined space and sometimes they looked, wonderingly, at each other. Jensen couldn't help but keep reaching out, his fingertips on Jared's skin reverent and only occasionally mischievous. He held out as long as he could before giving into his bladder's increasingly urgent demands, knowing that once he disappeared into the bathroom and came out again the spell of comfortable silence would be broken and they would have to talk.
Not like he had any other options, though. He did just that and before getting back in bed he found his boxers and pulled them on. He hated talking about important stuff while naked. It felt so ridiculous.
Jared seemed to have no such qualms. He looked Jensen in the eye, not a stitch of clothing on him and told him, "you still haven't said it."
Jensen couldn't help but play dumb. "Said what?"
Jared pursed his lips like he tasted something sour. Jensen sighed and sat down cross-legged on the bed, as close as he could be to Jared without touching him. "Can you really blame me for being gun shy?"
Jared took a breath in and let it out in a huff. "It's not that, I guess. I just. I want to know what you're scared of. I want to know what I'm dealing with."
He put his hand on Jensen's thigh, just placed it there over his knee when he tried to look away. "What if all this isn't as good as what you had?" Jensen finally asked.
Jared's shoulders dropped. "That's what this is about?"
"What would you think if you were me? You had this perfect life, this perfect plan and I'm glad, amazed really, you chose me, but I still kind of feel like a bastard for fucking it up. I don't want you to regret this but I can't see how you won't when you start to see your friends with all the things you could have had."
"And what is it I'm giving up?"
"Everything? The wife, the house, the two point five kids." He was sort of horrified at himself for going on about it. The last thing he wanted was for Jared to decide that this, them, wasn't worth giving it all up and here Jensen was telling basically telling him exactly that.
"I told you I don't want that."
Jensen rolled his eyes, angry with Jared for being so obtuse. "Really? That's all I ever wanted."
"You know, I don't think really you did."
It almost made him angry, that Jared thought he could make such sweeping statements about who Jensen was and what he wanted. He opened his mouth to say so but Jared just kept right on talking. "You bitch and moan about being a vet, but you're good at it. You act like all you want is to live the American dream, but why? You really think that'll make you happy?"
Jensen refused to answer him.
Jared sighed. "You act like you never wanted any of this, like something was taken away from you, but you never say that anyone made you do it. To hear you tell it, Jensen, it just... didn't happen."
"What are you trying to say?"
"I'm trying to say that maybe you'd be happy if you just tried being happy."
Jensen groaned. "You are too young and too naked to be acting like my therapist."
Jared laughed and flopped back down on the bed. "Shut up. I’m still right."
Maybe he was, and maybe he wasn't, but either way Jensen wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of admitting it.
"So?" Jared asked.
"So?" Jensen asked back.
"So what now?"
Jensen thought about that and while he thought his hand rubbed down Jared's stomach. "I don't know. I want you. I want this to be permanent and exclusive and I don't think I want to take it slow."
Jared smiled. "I think I'm fine with that."
"I... I don't think I want to live in San Antonio anymore." It was scarier to admit that, even worse than coming out and saying that he wanted to jump head first into a serious relationship.
Jared stuck his lips out like a duck, his default face for when he was pretending to seriously consider something. "Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah," Jared said, shrugging. "Wait, you didn't want to move back to Dallas, did you?"
Jensen blinked. He hadn't really thought about where but Dallas was a definite no and he told Jared as much.
"Good, because Dallas sucks."
"Jared," Jokes were all well and good, but it wasn't going to be funny for very long.
"It does!"
"You can't just move because I want to. What about your job and everything?" Jesus. He was going to have to stop this, he realized, this arguing against himself.
Some secret smile quirked Jared's lips. "Dude, why do you think I sold my truck?"
"Huh?" He hadn't thought about Jared's truck once since they got into Jensen's car and drove away from the office.
"I quit," Jared said, as gleefully as if he'd just admitted to dropping a cherry bomb in a public toilet. "Before I even started. I didn't work one single day as an engineer. In fact, I think I want to try acting again."
"Oh." Jensen thought about that for a while, too. "I wish you'd told me that before."
"Why?"
"It would have been nice to know the guy I'm in love with was an out of work actor that doesn't have a car."
Jared saw right through to the confession hidden in the joke. Jensen felt a flush creep up his neck but he met Jared's eyes evenly and didn't deny it.
Jared smiled and moved his hand up Jensen's thigh. "Yeah, well, sucks to be you."
It didn't though. Jensen laced his fingers into Jared's, and Jared pulled him firmly down. He stretched his body over Jared's and kissed him until two long arms locked around his waist, and that was a damn sight better than a white picket fence, than anything really.
1-2-3-4-5
If you're not satisfied with the ending, never fear, I wasn't either and I wrote another a sort of coda. Just this Good