blaaah
Ahhh im kinda sad today, i feel like i havent been really all that happy lately. like with the high school coming to an end, i think back and realized how much everything and everyone has changed. I just wish i could go back to freshman year when nicole and i were best friends, before i made mistake after mistake, before i had so many friends turn on me and leave me with these fucked up trust issues i have now, before i had my heart broken soo many times. seeing brock the other day also made me think about this, how he was my first high school crush and how i liked him for sooo long, and not seeing him for a couple years and then seeing him again made me remember how much i liked him back then. i dont want to like him like that again because i know i shouldnt. i dont know why i feel so shitty but im so scared of everything right now, im so scared of being on my own next year, im so scared of trusting anyone, im so scared im going to be alone for the rest of my life. i want this to stop. i really wanted to be more positive but i just cant be. blah. im going to borders to drown my sorrows in.....coffee?? ill be in cafeine anonymus meetings soon.