I'm leaving for buffalo in like 17 minutes.
so on Wednesday a crack addict came to my house.
actually, he was an ex-crack addict. His name was Jevonn Matthews and he is from Chicago. He said he was working to get a full time job and was selling magazine subscriptions. [Office Space, anyone?] He said he was working on his communication skills and eye contact. He told me that he needed to do this to reach the next plateau in his life.
Me: But, I don't need any magazines.
Jevonn: Oh, I know. No one wants magazines. If you wanna magazine you go to the corner store [pronounced 'coe-nah- sto']. But these are my tools. I call them the tools I have.
Me: .....Okay, but I still don't need any magazines. I'm a college student and i have no money..is there any other way I could help?
Jevonn: [defeated] ma'am, I wish there was.
Then he walked away, and out of my life forever. I almost cried because I couldn't help Jevonn reach the next plateau in his life.
ALSO!!
I recently returned from New Jersey/New Yawk. It was maximum awesome. Frank and I went on a 3 hour hike up a mountain and walked on the beach and grilled various meats and we bought rings from a russian guy on the boardwalk. Oh, and we had a big party on Sunday night for Joey Bronx's birthday. It can be summarized best as a list.
SUNDAY NIGHT.
1. Ten or so close friends arrive at beach house. Parents are not home.
2. Friends 1 and 2 bring keg. Keg is placed into bucket, which condensates greatly, spilling water onto the floor.
3. Friend 3 calls other friends to invite them over. Those other friends then invite their friends.
4. Friend 4 and I talk about Orbit gum and cereal as many other friends get very drunk.
5. Friend 3's other friends and friends of friends arrive; the population in the house triples instantly.
6. Friend 1's sister arrives unwelcomed and drinks.
7. I call Heather and then go downstairs to find that everyone is on the balcony.
8. Everyone is silent outside and I see what everyone is staring at: a man beating his wife 2 condos away.
9. Man continues to beat wife, throwing heavy objects at her.
10. Frank and friends 1-5 get weapons and jump the fence.
11. Simultaneously, unwanted sister of friend 1 calls the police, giving them Frank's address. [the dumb bitch.]
12. Frank, along with friends 1-5 rush back to the house to clean up the alcohol before the cops arrive.
13. drunk kids scatter to move the keg into the bathroom. I laugh, completely sober.
14. The cops meet unwanted sister at gate and do not even enter. By now, the friends of friends leave and only the original party guests remain.
15. by 2:30, the only people still over are very drunk friends 1, 2, and 6. 1 is upstairs while 2 does a rick james impression and 6 lays face down in the floor laughing at seemingly nothing. friends 1, 2, and 6 leave for friend 6's house so they can stay up and order a pizza.
THE END. what a crazy night.
Oh, and at a previous party, I found out that two unknown 17 year old girls came and started making out, much to the delight of the male population. Unfortunately, 8 drinks in, they revealed that they are only 14.
ME: That's sick.
JOEY BRONX: Sick, but it was hot before we found out they were so young.
ME: I mean, what would you have DONE with them? They're fourteen, dude.
JOEY BRONX: WHATEVER I CAN!!
ME: ...what do you have against pubes?
ps- I'm back to sheriffing for the summer. It's pretty hardcore.
actually, he was an ex-crack addict. His name was Jevonn Matthews and he is from Chicago. He said he was working to get a full time job and was selling magazine subscriptions. [Office Space, anyone?] He said he was working on his communication skills and eye contact. He told me that he needed to do this to reach the next plateau in his life.
Me: But, I don't need any magazines.
Jevonn: Oh, I know. No one wants magazines. If you wanna magazine you go to the corner store [pronounced 'coe-nah- sto']. But these are my tools. I call them the tools I have.
Me: .....Okay, but I still don't need any magazines. I'm a college student and i have no money..is there any other way I could help?
Jevonn: [defeated] ma'am, I wish there was.
Then he walked away, and out of my life forever. I almost cried because I couldn't help Jevonn reach the next plateau in his life.
ALSO!!
I recently returned from New Jersey/New Yawk. It was maximum awesome. Frank and I went on a 3 hour hike up a mountain and walked on the beach and grilled various meats and we bought rings from a russian guy on the boardwalk. Oh, and we had a big party on Sunday night for Joey Bronx's birthday. It can be summarized best as a list.
SUNDAY NIGHT.
1. Ten or so close friends arrive at beach house. Parents are not home.
2. Friends 1 and 2 bring keg. Keg is placed into bucket, which condensates greatly, spilling water onto the floor.
3. Friend 3 calls other friends to invite them over. Those other friends then invite their friends.
4. Friend 4 and I talk about Orbit gum and cereal as many other friends get very drunk.
5. Friend 3's other friends and friends of friends arrive; the population in the house triples instantly.
6. Friend 1's sister arrives unwelcomed and drinks.
7. I call Heather and then go downstairs to find that everyone is on the balcony.
8. Everyone is silent outside and I see what everyone is staring at: a man beating his wife 2 condos away.
9. Man continues to beat wife, throwing heavy objects at her.
10. Frank and friends 1-5 get weapons and jump the fence.
11. Simultaneously, unwanted sister of friend 1 calls the police, giving them Frank's address. [the dumb bitch.]
12. Frank, along with friends 1-5 rush back to the house to clean up the alcohol before the cops arrive.
13. drunk kids scatter to move the keg into the bathroom. I laugh, completely sober.
14. The cops meet unwanted sister at gate and do not even enter. By now, the friends of friends leave and only the original party guests remain.
15. by 2:30, the only people still over are very drunk friends 1, 2, and 6. 1 is upstairs while 2 does a rick james impression and 6 lays face down in the floor laughing at seemingly nothing. friends 1, 2, and 6 leave for friend 6's house so they can stay up and order a pizza.
THE END. what a crazy night.
Oh, and at a previous party, I found out that two unknown 17 year old girls came and started making out, much to the delight of the male population. Unfortunately, 8 drinks in, they revealed that they are only 14.
ME: That's sick.
JOEY BRONX: Sick, but it was hot before we found out they were so young.
ME: I mean, what would you have DONE with them? They're fourteen, dude.
JOEY BRONX: WHATEVER I CAN!!
ME: ...what do you have against pubes?
ps- I'm back to sheriffing for the summer. It's pretty hardcore.