sigh
life has been pretty hectic lately. I believe Ill be out of this house on rollins fairly soon and honestly Im really looking forward to it. I really feel uncomfortable and unwanted here.IDk...Im not really sure about what Im going to do about aaron. Ive been thinking about this for so long and I dont want to make a rash decision unless Im completely positive about it. I just dont feel the passion that used to be there between us. I dont know if we lost it or it just is in hiding or what. I care about him a lot and I love him but I think we lost the feeling of being "in love". but what is love anyways? how can you even gauge that feeling anymore? I feel like such an ass hole for holding it in for soo long and not saying anything. Im really confused.On the other hand the thought of being alone is sooo..I dont know howto put this...refreshing? Ive been in and out of relationships and getting romantically involved with people for so long. Im 20 now and I have no idea what it feels like to be independent and alone. thats another thing:I feel like Ive changed soo much lately. I dont know what I want to do or be in the long run but I know that being alone might help that.. but maybe im trying to rationalize this too much..
I went to durham a few days ago to see Deer Tick play once again. they are soo talented and such cool guys. they ended up staying with us at charlies house and we stayed up and drank all night with them.. the lead singer John and I stayed up until 730 in the morning just talking about life. he talked to me about his girlfriend and I talked to him about aaron. it was fun to meet new people and get along with them soo well. But I definitely will be going to see them play again whenever they come back to the carolinas. I am now a Tick Head hah. God I havent had fun like that in soo long, my cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing soo much..I want my life to be like that all the time..
Im getting sick of charlotte though. I don't feel at home here anymore. I'm itching to travel somewhere or move somewhere and start over.. I want freedom and a blank slate.
there's so much more to be said but ive drawn a blank...
I went to durham a few days ago to see Deer Tick play once again. they are soo talented and such cool guys. they ended up staying with us at charlies house and we stayed up and drank all night with them.. the lead singer John and I stayed up until 730 in the morning just talking about life. he talked to me about his girlfriend and I talked to him about aaron. it was fun to meet new people and get along with them soo well. But I definitely will be going to see them play again whenever they come back to the carolinas. I am now a Tick Head hah. God I havent had fun like that in soo long, my cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing soo much..I want my life to be like that all the time..
Im getting sick of charlotte though. I don't feel at home here anymore. I'm itching to travel somewhere or move somewhere and start over.. I want freedom and a blank slate.
there's so much more to be said but ive drawn a blank...