(no subject)
I remember a few months back, Rey looking at me and telling me that you could never really know a person. That you could never really trust anyone. Because everyone always keeps something of themselves back. I didn't want to believe him then. Especially not since he was referring to himself and the mess he'd gotten himself into with some less than desirable people. But now...I guess he was right. I guess he's always been right.
You can put your heart on the line. You can give a person all of yourself. You can force yourself to be totally honest and rest easy knowing that total trust will be given in return. But that doesn't mean jack shit, apparently. At least my eyes are finally open, right? I can see all the promises for what they really were. Not a damn thing. I've been hurt enough in the last four or five years. It takes a lot for me to put total trust into a person. And I only do it when I feel that individual is wholly worthy of it. Guess I learned the hard way this time. Again.
I flew to North Carolina last night. I figured if anyone would understand where I was coming from, it'd be Shannon. Turns out she was the one friend I had last night who didn't make me feel worse by trying to talk them. I got to see those adorable little babies. And get advice from someone who's been there. And just have a shoulder to cry on. Unconditionally. That kind of friendship comes once in a lifetime. There was a point in my life where I wondered if I could really be a part of this warpped little family we have generating from Smithfield. But now I know. Shane, Shannon, the twins, Spike, Kay Shan when she gets here, Rey...and to an extent Kevin...that's my family. Sure, I have my parents and my siblings. I have Charlie who I can go to. And lately Trish has been all kinds of helpful. And every now and then I'll turn to Shawn and hope it's one of his good days. But, bottom line, I know I will always, always have a place in Smithfield. There's so much love in Shane and Shannon's house. And they don't judge. They just give it away freely. Thank you, Shannon. For everything.
I landed in Pennsylvania about 20 minutes ago. Now...to find Rey. There is a conversation that we badly need to have. And all I can do is hope for the best after. I think it'll be okay, though. Even if I'm not the best girlfriend in the world...which a few of you around here can attest to, I know...he loves me. We'll be fine. I have faith. And that's something, right? Yes, Shawn. You heard me. I have faith. Maybe I should try listening and stop bitching so much. Thanks for the advice. Even if it did hurt at the time.
Charlie...let it go, okay? I don't want to cause any more trouble for you and Dawn Marie. And you getting involved in this will do that. It's all over now, anyway. We'll talk later. But seriously, don't even let it cross your mind. I'm fine. It's all fine.
And here we go with not keeping secrets or pussyfooting around shit...Mark, you can go fuck yourself, dear sir. You talk a real good game. Make a girl feel real special. You sure do know how to throw out the promises right when someone needs to hear them most. But I'm pretty sure the last promise you made...to be the ONE man in my life who never hurt me? Wow...looks like someone can't keep up with the bullshit spewing out of his mouth.
Call it an angel, call it a muse
Call it karma that you've got coming to you
What's the difference, what's in a name?
What matters most is never, ever losing faith
'Cause it's gonna be all right
You're not alone tonight
You can put your heart on the line. You can give a person all of yourself. You can force yourself to be totally honest and rest easy knowing that total trust will be given in return. But that doesn't mean jack shit, apparently. At least my eyes are finally open, right? I can see all the promises for what they really were. Not a damn thing. I've been hurt enough in the last four or five years. It takes a lot for me to put total trust into a person. And I only do it when I feel that individual is wholly worthy of it. Guess I learned the hard way this time. Again.
I flew to North Carolina last night. I figured if anyone would understand where I was coming from, it'd be Shannon. Turns out she was the one friend I had last night who didn't make me feel worse by trying to talk them. I got to see those adorable little babies. And get advice from someone who's been there. And just have a shoulder to cry on. Unconditionally. That kind of friendship comes once in a lifetime. There was a point in my life where I wondered if I could really be a part of this warpped little family we have generating from Smithfield. But now I know. Shane, Shannon, the twins, Spike, Kay Shan when she gets here, Rey...and to an extent Kevin...that's my family. Sure, I have my parents and my siblings. I have Charlie who I can go to. And lately Trish has been all kinds of helpful. And every now and then I'll turn to Shawn and hope it's one of his good days. But, bottom line, I know I will always, always have a place in Smithfield. There's so much love in Shane and Shannon's house. And they don't judge. They just give it away freely. Thank you, Shannon. For everything.
I landed in Pennsylvania about 20 minutes ago. Now...to find Rey. There is a conversation that we badly need to have. And all I can do is hope for the best after. I think it'll be okay, though. Even if I'm not the best girlfriend in the world...which a few of you around here can attest to, I know...he loves me. We'll be fine. I have faith. And that's something, right? Yes, Shawn. You heard me. I have faith. Maybe I should try listening and stop bitching so much. Thanks for the advice. Even if it did hurt at the time.
Charlie...let it go, okay? I don't want to cause any more trouble for you and Dawn Marie. And you getting involved in this will do that. It's all over now, anyway. We'll talk later. But seriously, don't even let it cross your mind. I'm fine. It's all fine.
And here we go with not keeping secrets or pussyfooting around shit...Mark, you can go fuck yourself, dear sir. You talk a real good game. Make a girl feel real special. You sure do know how to throw out the promises right when someone needs to hear them most. But I'm pretty sure the last promise you made...to be the ONE man in my life who never hurt me? Wow...looks like someone can't keep up with the bullshit spewing out of his mouth.
Call it an angel, call it a muse
Call it karma that you've got coming to you
What's the difference, what's in a name?
What matters most is never, ever losing faith
'Cause it's gonna be all right
You're not alone tonight