Oct 24, 2004 21:39
Dear Prongs,
It is finnaly half-term.. my week is pretty full so far though.. I think I have Friday and Saturday off..
Half-term is my chance to get my head back on my shoulders and get my feet back on the ground. One of my new school year resolutions was to become more organized, it did work at first but then the homework, extra-curricular activities and other social events cropped up and now I'm doing my homework at school in the lesson it's meant to be in or just before. I'm forgeting my books, my piano lessons and I'm not attending my ECA's!
It's also a chance for me to catch up on some of that lost sleep..
~*~
Lately, I've been feeling more and more depressed and I can't help it, I get really moody and end up going off to seek solitude.
I smoke once more.. I had three halves on Wednesday, two on Thursday and i had some shitty meeting Friday. Saturday when I went shopping I did twos..
Fucking hell, there just there.. and so I do it!
This might be to do because I'm so down recently.
I haven't worked on my story, my friends are bitching behind my back. I got sent hate mail and all the boys have suddenly decided they hate me. Ethan's being *too* sweet and it's really pathetic, I think he pity's me and my self esteem is at my ankle!
I spring cleaned my room this evening. I added lots of diffent quilts and such and I added some photos and beads to the wall.
I'm reading Sorceress by Celia Rees and it isn't as good as Witch Child, but good however.
~*~
Currently, I'm trying to get over.. death
When I was ten and I heard people talking about it I was like "You die, you die... we're all gonna do it sometime"
Now I'm thinking, this voice in my head will go away... I won't have my thoughts, my material possesions.. I won't be able to hug my mother when I feel like it..
That's if, there isn't life after death..
My faith is slowly returning but I am reluctant.. if you understand..
I believe there is life after death, but I can't imagine a world, without my body, no thought to keep me occupied... I won't be trying to figure out myself... there will be no need for anything, dreams, hopes... because whether or not they were fulfilled on earth or not ..they just won't be there. That sounds more like hell, than eternal happiness...
Those are my thoughts..
May it be an evening star
Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh! How far you are from home
Mornie utúlië (darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantië (darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now
May it be the shadows call
Will fly away
May it be you journey on
To light the day
When the night is overcome
You may rise to find the sun
Mornie utúlië (darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantië (darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now
A promise lives within you now
~Zoe~