(no subject)
I do everything she wants me to and I am always the one to get screamed at about shit that isnt my fault. What do I have to be, perfect? I dont date because of you, I dont do alot of things because you dont fucking want me to cause I know it would disapoint you and I know youve had enough of that in your life but why cant I make decisions without worrying about what you will think of me and how I will dissapoint you. Just let me go and let me make my own fucking decisions for myself. Is that so selfish? I love you but damnmit you drive me crazy. You put even more weight onto my shoulders by telling me that I'm the only one of your kids you have hope for. Why cant you not have hope in me and rely on me, why cant you let me make mistakes or let me date or do anything. I have passed by so many oppurtunities of relationships so that I wouldnt disapoint you or complicate our lives anymore than it is.
It wouldnt be so bad if you didnt scream at me for things that arent my fault. I watch everyone else around me have relationships with people and be happy but I cant do that cause it would dissapoint you to date outside of my religion so I respect that and dont but then you find something to scream at me about and I'm fucking tired of it.
I know you arent ever going to read this mom but I just really needed to say it.
No one knows or understands what its like to be in my religion or my situation. I believe in my faith 100% but its so hard to stay faithful when everyone else around me is dating and all that jazz. I mean I can date but within my faith the problem is I dont go to church that often cause I dont like the meetings. They are boring but I belive in it. Is that selfish too? I'm such a selfish person when it comes to this stuff.
At least I have all my friends behind me. Thanks. Especially Heidi Ann, for havin my back. I really need to just sleep it off. I have such a bad migraine. It sucks being single when everyone of my friends has someone. Grrrr. Yeah I know be happy with what I've got. SELFISH ME.
Confused.
It wouldnt be so bad if you didnt scream at me for things that arent my fault. I watch everyone else around me have relationships with people and be happy but I cant do that cause it would dissapoint you to date outside of my religion so I respect that and dont but then you find something to scream at me about and I'm fucking tired of it.
I know you arent ever going to read this mom but I just really needed to say it.
No one knows or understands what its like to be in my religion or my situation. I believe in my faith 100% but its so hard to stay faithful when everyone else around me is dating and all that jazz. I mean I can date but within my faith the problem is I dont go to church that often cause I dont like the meetings. They are boring but I belive in it. Is that selfish too? I'm such a selfish person when it comes to this stuff.
At least I have all my friends behind me. Thanks. Especially Heidi Ann, for havin my back. I really need to just sleep it off. I have such a bad migraine. It sucks being single when everyone of my friends has someone. Grrrr. Yeah I know be happy with what I've got. SELFISH ME.
Confused.