I think therfore I am!
I feel great lately. I am enjoying this weather and I am very mentally content, but at the same time I have some thoughts. I feel like I might be making many choices in my life that are straying me away from the original beliefs and choices that I had previously defined myself by. I usually have a good argument for the things I choose to do, but I tend to question myself before, during, and after the choice is made. Wondering if it is really the direction I want to go. Sometimes I feel like I am chalking my life up to a lottery that may or may not succeed. I still have several steps to take in order to achieve my goal, which has always been the same, but what if I choose the wrong path. Do I set aside my true persona for a time, to take a step closer to my goal, or do I stay true to myself and try to achieve the same means in a different more risky fashion. What if I venture away from myself for so long that I never make it back home (if you know what I mean)? Thus I am always content and happy because I have an awesome group to hang with, but I always have lingering worries or sadness especially as time passes and I slowly limit the things that I still have the potential to do for the things that I have to focus more readably on. Many life altering choices are approaching me and gradually test my character, but I do know the best times I have are chilling with you all and that part at least won’t change. I just really won’t allow it to I mean come on, there’s no point to distancing myself from the people that are an important part of my life. But I do wish I was able to still do many things that were originally part of my persona that I no longer do. This is one thing I want to correct when I get home from school. Get back to my roots. Get back to what defines me and the person that I am and eventually want to be. To get back to were in my eyes, my life really started and I became the very me that I truly believe I am (though now with many topical layers grown for many different reasons). I want to get back to my imaginative creative self that was exploding with dreams, and to know that even if I do what I said I never would, I can find away to retain the part of myself that said I would never conform and never loose sight of the goal and philosophy of life I once had, that I developed walking through the snow covered forests late at night, chatting with my closest friends. I made a vow once when I was very young and didn't understand how the world worked. I still had limitless possibilities then. But I hope and wish that I can find away to honor that vow even when it seems like it’s almost impossible to do so. When I have to conform and accept things I would have originally spat on and detested. But I need to keep it all in mind, because I have a goal I want to accomplish. A goal that I want to accomplish very badly. I only hope I make the right decisions along the way because time does matter for me, but so does risk. I don’t want to loose sight of it. I also can’t just jump head over heels to get it. But if I remember my true self, the opportunities will arise one day. That’s what I believe. I guess the point of this long blah blah is that I feel like I haven’t been myself in a long time, and I want to reconnect with what made me who I really am. I guess I don’t feel like the person I aught to be, well not exactly quite yet that is. I still have many steps to take. But don’t worry about me drifting away from you peops. I think I like you all a little to much for that.