I Didn't Lose a Thing
All of those who know me knew I was miserable with him. I've come to the conclusion that I'm sad because I miss
1) Being in my comfort zone
2) The relationship that I wanted it
3) The boyfriend that I wanted HIM to be, not the boyfriend he actually was
I've also come to the conclusion that I'm too good for the type of life I had with him. What? Being miserable, depressed, and at home all the time is good? I don't think so. I felt like shit, and because I felt like shit, I LOOKED like shit.
He text messaged me a few nights ago. That's what angered me. Just leave me the fuck alone. His excuse was that he was drunk and "fucked up" by sending me the message. You know what? I don't fucking care. If you are able to walk away like that, THEN LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. He hasn't sent me another message, and I haven't seen him at the gym, which is good. I don't want to see him. I don't want to talk to him. Just make this a learning experience and go away. It's done.
I know this will fade, and I won't feel nostalgic even though I hated my fucking life when I was with him... never have I wanted to off myself more than when I was with him. But it's 3 years of my life and I'm going to feel nostalgic every now and then... but more angry at this point. He says he's not like his father... HAH! Fucking walk away and give up, because that's pretty much how it is.
I've been going out, being social, having FUN. I haven't done this in a long time. I hated getting dressed up, putting my make-up on (and we all know I love make-up). I hated it all. Since this break up, however, I've been going to clubs, dancing, etc (all completely sober, by the way). On Wednesday I went to club 21 and danced for nearly FOUR hours. Thursday was Powerhouse and La Hacienda. Friday was Nosh NIght and movie night at my place with some friends. Saturday I went to the Powerhouse with a few friends. And tonight, Sunday, Jamie and I watched a movie.
Tim told me not to settle yet. Thank the gods this break up happened, because I thought I was going to marry the kid. Yeah... settling. Tim was telling me how it changes life, how you can't just go out and have a wild time. He has a budget of one wild party night a month because of his wife, and while I can see her point of view, I don't think I'd like that. Hell... I DIDN'T! I was pretty much settling. Tim said to wait until my 30's. I'd say that once I reach 35, I'll be ready to marry someone. Yeah. Settling at 23...
I know I've been missing out on a lot, especially this past year. But I'm getting back in better shape, toning up, taking care of myself, staying sober (it's amazing), and becoming a much better person. Last I heard, he's been drinking and getting fucked up every single night, even smoked one of them (that's when he sent me the text). He left to better his life. Good job, sweet cheeks. Good job! He critiqued me for my drinking. Oh, HAY POT, MEET KETTLE!
It's obvious that I'm upset, but it's not worth it. I'm too good for him. I didn't go out with my friends, I always felt like a piece of ugly shit. Why did it last so long? Because I hate change and I was in a comfortable little bubble. Time to grow up, Kay, because you're too good to be feeling this way. And hell, I'm starting Sac State on the 25th. I'm going to be meeting so many people there! Especially if I join the cycling team, which I'm 99% I will be, so I'll be on two teams this season!
Like Jim said, I didn't lose him, HE lost ME.
1) Being in my comfort zone
2) The relationship that I wanted it
3) The boyfriend that I wanted HIM to be, not the boyfriend he actually was
I've also come to the conclusion that I'm too good for the type of life I had with him. What? Being miserable, depressed, and at home all the time is good? I don't think so. I felt like shit, and because I felt like shit, I LOOKED like shit.
He text messaged me a few nights ago. That's what angered me. Just leave me the fuck alone. His excuse was that he was drunk and "fucked up" by sending me the message. You know what? I don't fucking care. If you are able to walk away like that, THEN LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. He hasn't sent me another message, and I haven't seen him at the gym, which is good. I don't want to see him. I don't want to talk to him. Just make this a learning experience and go away. It's done.
I know this will fade, and I won't feel nostalgic even though I hated my fucking life when I was with him... never have I wanted to off myself more than when I was with him. But it's 3 years of my life and I'm going to feel nostalgic every now and then... but more angry at this point. He says he's not like his father... HAH! Fucking walk away and give up, because that's pretty much how it is.
I've been going out, being social, having FUN. I haven't done this in a long time. I hated getting dressed up, putting my make-up on (and we all know I love make-up). I hated it all. Since this break up, however, I've been going to clubs, dancing, etc (all completely sober, by the way). On Wednesday I went to club 21 and danced for nearly FOUR hours. Thursday was Powerhouse and La Hacienda. Friday was Nosh NIght and movie night at my place with some friends. Saturday I went to the Powerhouse with a few friends. And tonight, Sunday, Jamie and I watched a movie.
Tim told me not to settle yet. Thank the gods this break up happened, because I thought I was going to marry the kid. Yeah... settling. Tim was telling me how it changes life, how you can't just go out and have a wild time. He has a budget of one wild party night a month because of his wife, and while I can see her point of view, I don't think I'd like that. Hell... I DIDN'T! I was pretty much settling. Tim said to wait until my 30's. I'd say that once I reach 35, I'll be ready to marry someone. Yeah. Settling at 23...
I know I've been missing out on a lot, especially this past year. But I'm getting back in better shape, toning up, taking care of myself, staying sober (it's amazing), and becoming a much better person. Last I heard, he's been drinking and getting fucked up every single night, even smoked one of them (that's when he sent me the text). He left to better his life. Good job, sweet cheeks. Good job! He critiqued me for my drinking. Oh, HAY POT, MEET KETTLE!
It's obvious that I'm upset, but it's not worth it. I'm too good for him. I didn't go out with my friends, I always felt like a piece of ugly shit. Why did it last so long? Because I hate change and I was in a comfortable little bubble. Time to grow up, Kay, because you're too good to be feeling this way. And hell, I'm starting Sac State on the 25th. I'm going to be meeting so many people there! Especially if I join the cycling team, which I'm 99% I will be, so I'll be on two teams this season!
Like Jim said, I didn't lose him, HE lost ME.