we'll beat back the pain we've found.
There past few days have been bumpy and unpleasant.
I am never fucking around with New Years plans this close to the holiday again, because I've been fucked over multiple times. I'm not even remotely looking forward to it, even though I'm supposed to be with my boyfriend and one of my closest friends. I miss last year.
I really miss last year.
But what can you do?
New Years clusterfuck led to the first big fight with Chris over the weekend. Lord knows no couple is perfect, and at the very least it makes me realize that i need to be a little less explosive and he needs to learn about when not to cross the line. Everything ended well and we compromised, and it led to a very teary conversation on my way home last night. I do not often deserve this kind of reassurance. To me, being reassured implies neediness and insecurity. At the same time I think it's a part of how this works. You need to hear that voice. And while you scold yourself for being needy, you're hit tenfold with the realization that this is worth fighting for. Here's to working a little harder because I know I can be a better person. <3
Speaking of first fights, Colleen and I had a huge blowout last night when she decided to bring a date over to watch 'The Hangover.' At 12:45. I was up from 1 to 3, and almost wound up driving to my mom's. That resulted in phone calls, a screaming match (on my end), bullshit excuses (hers) and me still not getting sleep.
It's hard to accept a lack of respect like that, especially when it's been fight-free for almost ten months. Things will smooth over, but as New Year's approaches, I hardly feel like doing anything at all anymore, especially not with her.
Here's hoping the year doesn't end disastrously...
I am never fucking around with New Years plans this close to the holiday again, because I've been fucked over multiple times. I'm not even remotely looking forward to it, even though I'm supposed to be with my boyfriend and one of my closest friends. I miss last year.
I really miss last year.
But what can you do?
New Years clusterfuck led to the first big fight with Chris over the weekend. Lord knows no couple is perfect, and at the very least it makes me realize that i need to be a little less explosive and he needs to learn about when not to cross the line. Everything ended well and we compromised, and it led to a very teary conversation on my way home last night. I do not often deserve this kind of reassurance. To me, being reassured implies neediness and insecurity. At the same time I think it's a part of how this works. You need to hear that voice. And while you scold yourself for being needy, you're hit tenfold with the realization that this is worth fighting for. Here's to working a little harder because I know I can be a better person. <3
Speaking of first fights, Colleen and I had a huge blowout last night when she decided to bring a date over to watch 'The Hangover.' At 12:45. I was up from 1 to 3, and almost wound up driving to my mom's. That resulted in phone calls, a screaming match (on my end), bullshit excuses (hers) and me still not getting sleep.
It's hard to accept a lack of respect like that, especially when it's been fight-free for almost ten months. Things will smooth over, but as New Year's approaches, I hardly feel like doing anything at all anymore, especially not with her.
Here's hoping the year doesn't end disastrously...