commuting for love -- and sanity
I just found out that someone I know from college makes about an 85-90 mile daily commute from her home to her job. She lives in Small Town, Wisconsin (where she and her husband have purchased a house, and where he's from), and she works in downtown Chicago. I don't know her well enough to ask her about it really, but I know she used to commute that distance and hated it, then she got a job nearby and hated it, and now she's commuting again. 160 miles as a round-trip daily commute seems kind of obscene to me, but it reminded me of a discussion J. and I have been having.
It can not be overstated how much I despise my current city (with no offense to its natives, some of you are lovely and wonderful). I also have a helluva time with the public transportation system (or lack thereof) and I have been much limited in my career options.
J. and I have been spending more and more time in Atlanta, and he is enjoying it more and more. One of the last times we were there, he broached the subject of us moving there. In this deal, I would live there full-time, and he would commute the 2.5 hours from and to on Mondays and Fridays (and on Thursdays, often, instead of Fridays). At first I declined the idea flat-out: we've done our time in a long distance relationship, and I've had much bad luck in the past with thinking long-distance was a workable situation and having it be the death knell of the relationship.
But, the more I think about it, the more I think it just might work, especially for a fixed amount of time (like 2 years, which would be from next summer until his contract is up here). Would I miss him? Of course! But, could I have a much better career and life in Atlanta? Definitely! Not only would my career and transportation options be better, but I still have a handful of great friends there, and the literary archive I need to excavate to get my scholarly life back on track is there, too. Also, as J. has seen in our visits, our cultural, shopping (Hello, Trader Joe's!), and entertainment options would be amazingly better. And, believe it or not, it wouldn't be so damn hot, either. Having lived there for about three years, I can vouch for the weather being better! And, of course, with all the traveling he does, it would be much easier for him to go in and out of ATL, without the obnoxious drive or risky commuter flight on either end.
None of J's immediate colleagues make that commute, but he knows of several people within his university who do it.
So, what are the drawback? We'd hate to live apart, and I'm sure doing so would cause issues we'd have to deal with. I don;t mean to downplay that, but I also know that i am not fully myself here (meaning, I am often miserable), and elevating my mood and outlook will only help our relationship. And, it would be more expensive, though Montgomery is wicked cheap, and J. could get a small apartment for under $1000/month. He says the driving wouldn't bother him in exchange for the quality of life improvement he'd receive. We know I'd need to make double what I'm making now, but I've done more than that in Chicago -- both in the recent and distant past -- so it's a possibility (though not a guarantee in this economy).
So, we're thinking about it. But I'm probably going to raise the discussion from the hypothetical to the possibly-planning phase.