(no subject)
Like so many other people, I've been feeling really sad because of Friday's events at Sandy Hook Elementary School.
Of course, I was really REALLY angry and sad. On Friday night, N and I got into arguments about guns which ended up in me saying something to the effect of "I don't know if I can even be with you anymore!!". (We also both learned that we are both unclear on the details of what current gun laws are and have some research to do. We also came to the conclusion that we both are in the process of figuring this out, and how complicated it is, and that we probably agree more than disagree. But I digress.)
Saturday morning I woke up to the free version of our local paper on my doorstep...you know, that kind that contains about one article and the rest coupons. Horrifyingly, the front page of the paper was a portion of this story. I let them know with a phone call and a facebook post that this was NOT OK. I mean, seriously, WTF, right?!
On Saturday the only thing I could think of doing was to light a bunch of candles. Years ago I bought a bag of 100 tea lights that was practically unused. I scrounged up 26 jars and placed them in a row in our front flower bed, put in the tea lights and lit them all. I wasn't sure if anyone would "get it" since it also just looked kind of Christmas-y and festive, but I didn't care, because I was putting the candles out for my own sanity.
Luckily, Sunday I was able to get out of my head a little by getting out of town. When I got home it was snowing, so I didn't light the candles since they would just go out. I just turned over each jar so it would not fill with snow.
Tonight when it got dark, I went out to replace the candles and light them again. I turned each jar right side up again and put in a candle. At one point I noticed that there were two extra jars there, with tops. "That's funny," I thought. "Why did I put tops on these? And they are right side up. Huh?" That's when I realized that a neighbor must have put them there.
I had forgotten the two other people who lost their lives who were not at the school, and my neighbor reminded me by giving me the jars. I was torn. I had intended to add another candle tonight for the mother, but hadn't considered of adding one for the shooter? I hated him, didn't I? He killed all those people. If I light a candle for him, what does that say about me? Do I put his candle someplace else? A part of me felt like it should be far, far from the others, you know, like in the backyard. Or the garbage.
Then I got the message. We have failed all the people that have died, as a society. Each life that was lost is awful. No life is more important than another one, and whew, it really is hard to type that with some thoughts that I've been feeling. I don't know why this happened, and anyone that tells you that they "know" why is full of shit. It is complicated and multi-faceted, and I really don't think there is one reason.
I really do not know who left the extra jars. But whoever it was, I appreciate the sentiment.
Peace, all.
P.S. Feel free to share your thoughts if you wish, but I will not engage in debate regarding this post. I am merely sharing my raw thoughts on this topic at an emotional time. As a thinking person I expect my stance on issues to develop and change as I learn and grow.