(no subject)
Welcome to the Land of Frustration...I am their Queen.
Arghh. I am just unable to find words that can accurate describe the level of frustration. When and if I ever find the words...the LJ community will be made aware.
I am tamed. Somehow teaching has made me tame and I am just not really who I want to be. I pour out all day and don't get significantly poured into. The biggest fear in my life? (Besides my kids not passing thier CRCT) Getting complacent and not trusting God to pursue something else when He deems it.
I still am in love with Europe...but why look for something there when I am doing my thing here. I can see myself doing this for 20 years and not going where I felt something. Did I never feel a calling...was I making it up so that I had something to look forward to in the previous icky job?
And now I am pretty much in love with the mistress church, but are unsure if I should try and make it work with the other church. The one where I am a member, and have quasi-committed to leading a small group with...you know...that one.
And right now. I just. I don't know what I want except...I need God to show up in a mighty way. Or a whisper. Just so that I am able to have some peace.
Arghh. I am just unable to find words that can accurate describe the level of frustration. When and if I ever find the words...the LJ community will be made aware.
I am tamed. Somehow teaching has made me tame and I am just not really who I want to be. I pour out all day and don't get significantly poured into. The biggest fear in my life? (Besides my kids not passing thier CRCT) Getting complacent and not trusting God to pursue something else when He deems it.
I still am in love with Europe...but why look for something there when I am doing my thing here. I can see myself doing this for 20 years and not going where I felt something. Did I never feel a calling...was I making it up so that I had something to look forward to in the previous icky job?
And now I am pretty much in love with the mistress church, but are unsure if I should try and make it work with the other church. The one where I am a member, and have quasi-committed to leading a small group with...you know...that one.
And right now. I just. I don't know what I want except...I need God to show up in a mighty way. Or a whisper. Just so that I am able to have some peace.