(no subject)
I'm still sick and I keep having these coughing fits that last for like 15 mins....not a good guy. I've been thinking a lot lately about stuff. I won't elaborate on "stuff" just know that it's pretty much everything that's happened in the past like 2 years. I can't believe how stupid I was. And then I see my friends setting themselves up for disappointment, and that sucks. There's no need to do that, yet I am the guiltiest of them all. It's nice to live in a world for a brief period of time where everything goes your way then all the sudden BOOM it's taken from you. I'm not saying I like it, I'm just saying I think I'm destined to be miserable. And for whatever reason I enjoy having those brief periods of time where I'm happy in my own little world. I should work on that I suppose. Sometimes I wish I could go back to when I was 17-18 when I didn't talk to anyone. I was the epitome of anti-soc, but in my own little world I was happy. Don't get me wrong I love my friends, I dunno what I'd do without them. I'd prob be dead. Eh maybe not that serious but I'd be in a really shitty state of affairs....that's for sure. I just watched Mean Girls, and from what I read/heard it was supposed to be an accurate depiction of high school. Give me a friggin break. Even the freaks/weirdos/outcasts were pretty. Weird....
I keep thinking that even if I were handed a perfect or at least semi-perfect life....ok I'm not even asking for perfection, perfection is boring. I think I'd prob find a way to sabotage it. I have a way of doing that, and I don't even know quite how I do it, I just know that I do. I guess it's a defense mechanism??? I get close to someone, friend or otherwise and then figure a way to fuck it up somehow. That way I don't get hurt. But I do....
On a total off the wall side note, I wanna get my lip re pierced. Now that I'll be back at CVS I think it'll be ok. I miss that piercing most of all. Speaking of work....I should make a dr's appt for the end of November, when I'll have insurance and maybe a dentist appt. Yeah that would be a great idea.
I keep thinking that even if I were handed a perfect or at least semi-perfect life....ok I'm not even asking for perfection, perfection is boring. I think I'd prob find a way to sabotage it. I have a way of doing that, and I don't even know quite how I do it, I just know that I do. I guess it's a defense mechanism??? I get close to someone, friend or otherwise and then figure a way to fuck it up somehow. That way I don't get hurt. But I do....
On a total off the wall side note, I wanna get my lip re pierced. Now that I'll be back at CVS I think it'll be ok. I miss that piercing most of all. Speaking of work....I should make a dr's appt for the end of November, when I'll have insurance and maybe a dentist appt. Yeah that would be a great idea.