Glee Fic: Yes We're Going To A Party Party
Title: Yes We're Going To A Party Party
Characters/Pairings: Blaine, Santana; references to Kurt/Blaine, "appearances" by ND
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Title is derived from "Birthday" by The Beatles.
Summary: Santana finds out about Blaine's upcoming birthday. Shenanigans ensue.
A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, slayerkitty !!!
Yes We're Going To A Party Party
From Santana Lopez:
Hey its ur bday in a week - y the fuck havnt u told me.
From Blanderson:
I'm not the biggest birthday person, to be honest.
From Santana Lopez:
No party?
From Blanderson:
No party. I like my birthdays to be very low key.
From Santana Lopez:
That's hard 2 believe, u attention whore u.
From Blanderson:
I am not an attention whore!
From Santana Lopez:
Yea u r.
From Blanderson:
Am not!
From Blanderson:
I'M NOT AN ATTENTION WHORE. OKAY?
From Blanderson:
I'M REALLY NOT.
From Santana Lopez:
So says the moron who sent the last three texts with an hour gap in between.
From Santana Lopez:
Like I said…attention bitchwhore slutmuffin.
From Blanderson:
Excuse me?! Bitchwhore slutmuffin?!?! I thought I was supposedly a plain whore!
From Santana Lopez:
It was worse than I thought. I misjudged the situation.
From Blanderson:
D:
From Santana Lopez:
Emoticons will not help ur status as an attention whoreface loserbitch.
From Blanderson:
Okay, now you're just having fun making up insults by combining curses.
From Santana Lopez:
I keep it real.
From Blanderson:
You know what, if I wanted to be insulted like this, I'd give fashion opinions to Kurt.
From Santana Lopez:
That's just plain suicide, Blainers. Ur better off letting me insult you.
From Santana Lopez:
Just embrace it.
From Blanderson:
I can't believe my life has come this. This friendship is basically the platonic, one-sided version of "Love the Way You Lie."
From Santana Lopez:
I haven't tied you to any beds, tho.
From Santana Lopez:
…Yet.
~**~
Blaine Anderson is legitimately scared of Santana Lopez. (sent from mobile)
Santana Lopez, Kurt Hummel and 5 others like this.
Kurt Hummel: I feel like I'm required as your boyfriend to ask why.
Blaine Anderson: Thank you, Kurt, for being so caring. /SARCASM
Kurt Hummel and Santana Lopez like this.
Blaine Anderson: But for your information, Santana was basically threatening that she would tie me to a bed and set a house on fire.
Santana Lopez likes this.
Rachel Berry ★: JUST GONNA STAND THERE AND WATCH ME BURN. BUT THAT'S ALL RIGHT BECAUSE I LIKE THE WAY IT HURTS.
Kurt Hummel: I really don't think hijacking someone's status and breaking into song is appropriate, RACHEL.
Rachel Berry ★: It's always appropriate whenever I sing, Kurt Hummel. Besides, I would kill this song.
Finn Hudson likes this.
Kurt Hummel: Finn Hudson - WHUPPAH.
Lauren Zizes, Rachel Berry ★ and 10 others like this.
Finn Hudson: Ur so mean.
Kurt Hummel likes this.
Santana Lopez: No way, bitch, the day we do this song I'm all over that.
Artie Abrams: I SHOTTIE BEIN EMINEM, YO.
Noah "The Puck" Puckerman, Sam Evans and 3 others like this.
Quinn Fabray: I don't trust the glee club to seriously do a rap song after Holliday sang the clean version of "Fuck You." Travesty.
Noah "The Puck" Puckerman, Artie Abrams and Mercedes Jones like this.
Blaine Anderson: While I'm looking forward to a rendition of "Love the Way You Lie" from you guys…I fail to see how this relates to my status?
Santana Lopez: ATTENTION WHOREBITCH SLUTCAKE.
Kurt Hummel likes this.
Lauren Zizes: Nice one, Lopez.
Santana Lopez: I try.
Blaine Anderson: ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? Does anyone here worry for my well being?
Blaine Anderson: WOW GUYS, THANKS A LOT.
~**~
"So what do you want for your birthday, bitch?" Santana asks as she sits down across from Blaine in the Lima Bean.
Since Dalton finished two weeks before McKinley, Blaine has been arriving before Santana the past two days, taking the initiative in ordering drinks, which she has been very comfortable with, given the lack of commentary or thanks.
He sighs as he sips his iced mocha. He thought (and hoped) that this discussion was over. "Nothing. I really don't enjoy making a huge deal out of my birthday," he answers with a shrug of his shoulders.
"Listen, B, I'm going to get you something regardless of your feelings" - "Doesn't that beat the purpose of getting something for my birth -" he starts to interrupt, but she continues - "So you better tell me what you want or I'm going to buy you shit you're not gonna want."
"Like what? What's something that I won't want?" he asks, half curious and half wanting to act like a petulant child.
She opens her mouth to retort, but then closes it, a thoughtful expression crossing her face. "I was going to say gaudy sex toys, but then I figured you'd definitely want those."
He turns bright red and glances around him, making sure no one is listening in on their conversation. "Absolutely not!" he hisses.
"Well, I know one thing I'm getting for you. Half of it's done. What else do you want?" she continues with a shrug of her shoulders, clearly ignoring him.
"What else? I said I don't want a sex toy!"
"Please, Auntie Tana is not so stingy as to just give you one sex toy."
"Oh my god, can we stop bringing that up and just - I don't want any! Please! Can you just get me a card with well wishes and maybe take me out to lunch?"
"No, that's boring as fuck."
He groans. This is probably going to be the worst birthday ever with the most inappropriate gifts he'll ever have the misfortune of receiving.
~**~
"Okay, this is actually a very nice gift," Blaine admits, smiling at the card in his hands.
"I mean it, Frodo, you spend it on you. Not me, not Hummel - you. I already told the baristas so they'll throw medium drips in your face if you even try to use it for other people."
He winces. Well, there goes to the nice moment they had going.
"Well, thank you. I love it," he says with a beaming smile as he stands up, his arms open for a hug.
She amuses him by reciprocating for about two seconds before jumping away to sit back down. "Now there's part two," she starts with a dangerous smirk.
The smile on his face immediately disappears. "What's part two?" he asks warily, half tempted to tell her to forget about it, that he doesn't need anything else from her but her wonderful friendship. Sure, it would earn him a slap and a few pokes, but anything is probably better than what she has in mind.
She reaches into her designer bag (sometimes Blaine wonders if Kurt and Santana ever go shopping together because they both seem to have a lot of designer clothes and accessories, despite the seemingly ridiculous prices of them all) and pulls out a harmless white box.
It's definitely filled with something evil.
"What's in the box, Santana?"
Her smirk broadens.
"That's not calming my nerves," he answers with a slight shrill.
"Oh, hush, it's vanilla, really," she states dismissively with a wave of her hand.
He lets out a sigh of relief as he takes the box and looks inside.
They kind of look like teething rings from Claire's or something, he thinks to himself, puzzled, as he stares at the blue and pink rings of -
Wait.
His face has never been redder as he slams the lid back on the box. Santana isn't making any noise as she hides her obvious laugh behind her hand.
"I'm sorry, I really couldn't resist," she wheezes, bringing her crossed leg down to the floor with a stomp as she continues her soundless laughter.
"Vanilla?" he hisses in disbelief.
"Trust me, Blanderson, I could've gotten you something way dirtier." Then she smiles. "Besides, these can be very helpful, given your virgin statuses. You want to actually get to the main event, right?"
He doesn't know whether to laugh, cry, or vomit all over the table. Can he do all three at once?
She reaches over the table to rub his arm. "There, there. You'll get over it. I actually have another surprise for you."
"Oh no, no. No more gift giving from you!" Blaine blabbers, but Santana snaps her fingers, like she does sometimes when she's trying to get a waiter's attention at Breadstix (he's trying to wane her off that form of attention grabbing because it's really rude).
All of a sudden, the staff of the Lima Bean starts singing the familiar birthday song, the barista who has a soft spot for Kurt and Blaine bringing out a chocolate chip muffin with a single candle in it.
When they finish, the muffin set before him and everyone waiting for him to blow out the candle, he mouths, "Thank you," to Santana. She winks at him and gives him a smile that he thinks brightens the world, really.
He closes his eyes and makes his wish.
After the staff and the few people in the coffee shop applaud and go back to what they were doing, Santana says, "See? I can be nice and shit."
He chuckles, breaking off a piece of the muffin top, offering it to her. "Yes, you can."
When she reaches for it, he immediately pulls back and pops it in his mouth. "And I can be a bitch and shit."
Her jaw drops and she tries hard not to smile. "Happy birthday, Blaine."
It's probably one of the very few times she actually said his proper name, which he'll probably treasure, especially since he's more than used to her dozens of colorful nicknames for him.
"Thanks, Santana."
This time he really offers her part of his muffin and they chew in silence.
"So nine o'clock, rager at my house? Puckerman can supply. And I'm sure if we get enough drinks in Hummel, he'll give you a lap dance," she says to break the quiet, winking at him suggestively.
Blaine sighs and shakes his head. "I'm sorry. Kurt is taking me out to dinner."
For once, she only smiles. "That's a nice night."
"Yeah." Then his equally pleasant smile becomes just a hint dirty. "I think it will be."
Her eyes widen as she purses her lips to contain her beam. She lifts up her half-empty drink. "To you."
He clinks his drink with hers. "To us."
She flips her hair over one shoulder. "Because together we're nice bitches."
He laughs. "That we are."
Characters/Pairings: Blaine, Santana; references to Kurt/Blaine, "appearances" by ND
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Title is derived from "Birthday" by The Beatles.
Summary: Santana finds out about Blaine's upcoming birthday. Shenanigans ensue.
A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, slayerkitty !!!
Yes We're Going To A Party Party
From Santana Lopez:
Hey its ur bday in a week - y the fuck havnt u told me.
From Blanderson:
I'm not the biggest birthday person, to be honest.
From Santana Lopez:
No party?
From Blanderson:
No party. I like my birthdays to be very low key.
From Santana Lopez:
That's hard 2 believe, u attention whore u.
From Blanderson:
I am not an attention whore!
From Santana Lopez:
Yea u r.
From Blanderson:
Am not!
From Blanderson:
I'M NOT AN ATTENTION WHORE. OKAY?
From Blanderson:
I'M REALLY NOT.
From Santana Lopez:
So says the moron who sent the last three texts with an hour gap in between.
From Santana Lopez:
Like I said…attention bitchwhore slutmuffin.
From Blanderson:
Excuse me?! Bitchwhore slutmuffin?!?! I thought I was supposedly a plain whore!
From Santana Lopez:
It was worse than I thought. I misjudged the situation.
From Blanderson:
D:
From Santana Lopez:
Emoticons will not help ur status as an attention whoreface loserbitch.
From Blanderson:
Okay, now you're just having fun making up insults by combining curses.
From Santana Lopez:
I keep it real.
From Blanderson:
You know what, if I wanted to be insulted like this, I'd give fashion opinions to Kurt.
From Santana Lopez:
That's just plain suicide, Blainers. Ur better off letting me insult you.
From Santana Lopez:
Just embrace it.
From Blanderson:
I can't believe my life has come this. This friendship is basically the platonic, one-sided version of "Love the Way You Lie."
From Santana Lopez:
I haven't tied you to any beds, tho.
From Santana Lopez:
…Yet.
~**~
Blaine Anderson is legitimately scared of Santana Lopez. (sent from mobile)
Santana Lopez, Kurt Hummel and 5 others like this.
Kurt Hummel: I feel like I'm required as your boyfriend to ask why.
Blaine Anderson: Thank you, Kurt, for being so caring. /SARCASM
Kurt Hummel and Santana Lopez like this.
Blaine Anderson: But for your information, Santana was basically threatening that she would tie me to a bed and set a house on fire.
Santana Lopez likes this.
Rachel Berry ★: JUST GONNA STAND THERE AND WATCH ME BURN. BUT THAT'S ALL RIGHT BECAUSE I LIKE THE WAY IT HURTS.
Kurt Hummel: I really don't think hijacking someone's status and breaking into song is appropriate, RACHEL.
Rachel Berry ★: It's always appropriate whenever I sing, Kurt Hummel. Besides, I would kill this song.
Finn Hudson likes this.
Kurt Hummel: Finn Hudson - WHUPPAH.
Lauren Zizes, Rachel Berry ★ and 10 others like this.
Finn Hudson: Ur so mean.
Kurt Hummel likes this.
Santana Lopez: No way, bitch, the day we do this song I'm all over that.
Artie Abrams: I SHOTTIE BEIN EMINEM, YO.
Noah "The Puck" Puckerman, Sam Evans and 3 others like this.
Quinn Fabray: I don't trust the glee club to seriously do a rap song after Holliday sang the clean version of "Fuck You." Travesty.
Noah "The Puck" Puckerman, Artie Abrams and Mercedes Jones like this.
Blaine Anderson: While I'm looking forward to a rendition of "Love the Way You Lie" from you guys…I fail to see how this relates to my status?
Santana Lopez: ATTENTION WHOREBITCH SLUTCAKE.
Kurt Hummel likes this.
Lauren Zizes: Nice one, Lopez.
Santana Lopez: I try.
Blaine Anderson: ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? Does anyone here worry for my well being?
Blaine Anderson: WOW GUYS, THANKS A LOT.
~**~
"So what do you want for your birthday, bitch?" Santana asks as she sits down across from Blaine in the Lima Bean.
Since Dalton finished two weeks before McKinley, Blaine has been arriving before Santana the past two days, taking the initiative in ordering drinks, which she has been very comfortable with, given the lack of commentary or thanks.
He sighs as he sips his iced mocha. He thought (and hoped) that this discussion was over. "Nothing. I really don't enjoy making a huge deal out of my birthday," he answers with a shrug of his shoulders.
"Listen, B, I'm going to get you something regardless of your feelings" - "Doesn't that beat the purpose of getting something for my birth -" he starts to interrupt, but she continues - "So you better tell me what you want or I'm going to buy you shit you're not gonna want."
"Like what? What's something that I won't want?" he asks, half curious and half wanting to act like a petulant child.
She opens her mouth to retort, but then closes it, a thoughtful expression crossing her face. "I was going to say gaudy sex toys, but then I figured you'd definitely want those."
He turns bright red and glances around him, making sure no one is listening in on their conversation. "Absolutely not!" he hisses.
"Well, I know one thing I'm getting for you. Half of it's done. What else do you want?" she continues with a shrug of her shoulders, clearly ignoring him.
"What else? I said I don't want a sex toy!"
"Please, Auntie Tana is not so stingy as to just give you one sex toy."
"Oh my god, can we stop bringing that up and just - I don't want any! Please! Can you just get me a card with well wishes and maybe take me out to lunch?"
"No, that's boring as fuck."
He groans. This is probably going to be the worst birthday ever with the most inappropriate gifts he'll ever have the misfortune of receiving.
~**~
"Okay, this is actually a very nice gift," Blaine admits, smiling at the card in his hands.
"I mean it, Frodo, you spend it on you. Not me, not Hummel - you. I already told the baristas so they'll throw medium drips in your face if you even try to use it for other people."
He winces. Well, there goes to the nice moment they had going.
"Well, thank you. I love it," he says with a beaming smile as he stands up, his arms open for a hug.
She amuses him by reciprocating for about two seconds before jumping away to sit back down. "Now there's part two," she starts with a dangerous smirk.
The smile on his face immediately disappears. "What's part two?" he asks warily, half tempted to tell her to forget about it, that he doesn't need anything else from her but her wonderful friendship. Sure, it would earn him a slap and a few pokes, but anything is probably better than what she has in mind.
She reaches into her designer bag (sometimes Blaine wonders if Kurt and Santana ever go shopping together because they both seem to have a lot of designer clothes and accessories, despite the seemingly ridiculous prices of them all) and pulls out a harmless white box.
It's definitely filled with something evil.
"What's in the box, Santana?"
Her smirk broadens.
"That's not calming my nerves," he answers with a slight shrill.
"Oh, hush, it's vanilla, really," she states dismissively with a wave of her hand.
He lets out a sigh of relief as he takes the box and looks inside.
They kind of look like teething rings from Claire's or something, he thinks to himself, puzzled, as he stares at the blue and pink rings of -
Wait.
His face has never been redder as he slams the lid back on the box. Santana isn't making any noise as she hides her obvious laugh behind her hand.
"I'm sorry, I really couldn't resist," she wheezes, bringing her crossed leg down to the floor with a stomp as she continues her soundless laughter.
"Vanilla?" he hisses in disbelief.
"Trust me, Blanderson, I could've gotten you something way dirtier." Then she smiles. "Besides, these can be very helpful, given your virgin statuses. You want to actually get to the main event, right?"
He doesn't know whether to laugh, cry, or vomit all over the table. Can he do all three at once?
She reaches over the table to rub his arm. "There, there. You'll get over it. I actually have another surprise for you."
"Oh no, no. No more gift giving from you!" Blaine blabbers, but Santana snaps her fingers, like she does sometimes when she's trying to get a waiter's attention at Breadstix (he's trying to wane her off that form of attention grabbing because it's really rude).
All of a sudden, the staff of the Lima Bean starts singing the familiar birthday song, the barista who has a soft spot for Kurt and Blaine bringing out a chocolate chip muffin with a single candle in it.
When they finish, the muffin set before him and everyone waiting for him to blow out the candle, he mouths, "Thank you," to Santana. She winks at him and gives him a smile that he thinks brightens the world, really.
He closes his eyes and makes his wish.
After the staff and the few people in the coffee shop applaud and go back to what they were doing, Santana says, "See? I can be nice and shit."
He chuckles, breaking off a piece of the muffin top, offering it to her. "Yes, you can."
When she reaches for it, he immediately pulls back and pops it in his mouth. "And I can be a bitch and shit."
Her jaw drops and she tries hard not to smile. "Happy birthday, Blaine."
It's probably one of the very few times she actually said his proper name, which he'll probably treasure, especially since he's more than used to her dozens of colorful nicknames for him.
"Thanks, Santana."
This time he really offers her part of his muffin and they chew in silence.
"So nine o'clock, rager at my house? Puckerman can supply. And I'm sure if we get enough drinks in Hummel, he'll give you a lap dance," she says to break the quiet, winking at him suggestively.
Blaine sighs and shakes his head. "I'm sorry. Kurt is taking me out to dinner."
For once, she only smiles. "That's a nice night."
"Yeah." Then his equally pleasant smile becomes just a hint dirty. "I think it will be."
Her eyes widen as she purses her lips to contain her beam. She lifts up her half-empty drink. "To you."
He clinks his drink with hers. "To us."
She flips her hair over one shoulder. "Because together we're nice bitches."
He laughs. "That we are."