It's all about being family (sequel)
Title : It’s all about being family (sequel)
Paring : Jaemin (main), Minsu
Length : oneshot
Genre : Alternative Universe,
Warning : twincest
Summary : After escaping from their prison, Jaejoong and Changmin want nothing more than forget about their past. But they will have to learn to deal with their new life as fugitives as well as unrequited feelings…
Author's note : 1) So... I have not finished it yet, but I thought it would be interesting to have a little bit of suspense, so I cut the sequel into two parts. Here is the first.
2) I feel like I'm spamming starcandy... It would be nice to have some feedback, readers, even if it is criticism !
============
I watched the road, sitting on the bus seat next to my brother, still unsure it was not just a dream. I opened the window to feel the fresh air on my face, to convince myself that I was indeed out of that apartment, out of that prison my brother and I had spent so many years locked in. I turned to look at my brother who looked back at me.
We shared a long, meaningful look. We knew our life was about to start over, and even if we had made million plans over the years for the time we would be free, we were scared of the future. Because our past was full of ghosts.
I took my brother’s hand, and he tried to pull it back, but I tightened my grip. I knew he had been avoiding my touch since that day our fate had reached the point of no return. But I didn’t plan to let him put an invisible wall between us. I pulled his head gently against my shoulder, and rested my head on his, and soon fell asleep.
The bus driver woke us up when we arrived in Seoul. We asked him to drop us off to the cheapest hotel and took a room. It was already late, so we decided to eat some ramen we bought on our way to the hotel and get some sleep, because the next day we would be busy looking for a room to rent, and also for a job.
There was only one bed in the room, we couldn’t afford more. My brother looked bothered whereas I didn’t mind at all. I took a shower first, and then he went to the bathroom and stayed here as long as he could. I knew he was waiting for me to fall asleep to come back.
I was dozing when I felt him climb next to me, and waited for him to be lying to turn on my side and wrap my arm around his waist. He was startled by my touch but I didn’t let him go.
I remembered him the day after we did it. His eyes were so full of sadness, of despair. I knew he had finally chosen to escape only because of that. Because he thought it was his fault.
“Hyung, I won’t try anything, I promise. I just want to hug you until I fall asleep, please ? I’m… I’m scared to be in a new place.”
Jaejoong didn’t move, and I took that for a yes.
“I love you, hyung. Good night.” I murmured to his ear, before closing my eyes.
-------------------
The next day we spent the whole day looking for a room, and finally found something. It was a one room type, a little like the apartment we were locked in, but a lot smaller, and there was no furniture. However we were glad we found it. There was a fridge and a heater, and the landlord, an old woman named Jung-shi, lent us two futons with blankets. We spent the rest of the day cleaning it.
The next days, we looked for a job, but no one wanted to hire me because I was underage. My brother found a place as a waiter in two different restaurants, while I delivered milk early in the morning. Hyung didn’t want me to work forever though, and started looking for a school for me, while I stayed home studying.
With the money we spared, we both took evening classes. To our great surprise, we were not as late as we thought, and I would be able to attend my last year in high school by September. As for my brother, he graduated by the end of June.
We quarreled a lot about what we would do next, I wanted to work like him, because these last few weeks had been very tiring for him and I didn’t want him to be exhausted because of me, but in the end we decided that since I couldn’t work yet, I would attend school for a year while he would still work until I graduated too.
We spent five months like this, with him working and me studying, both of us hiding as much as possible, afraid our kidnappers might find us.
We were already in September. The day before the start of school, as my brother just came back from the store, I looked at him apprehensively.
“What is bothering you, Changmin-ah ? I thought you would be excited ?”
“Hyung, what if it’s too hard ? I missed school for years… I don’t know if…”
“Listen, Changmin-ah. You haven’t been doing nothing all these years. You have worked hard. You are smart, and I know you will do your best, so there is no need to worry. I am sure you will soon have the best grades in your class. I trust you.”
But he could read on my face that his words couldn’t reassure me. When he saw I was about to cry, he put the bag of food he had just bought, came closer and hugged me, and stroked my back in a soothing way. I let out a sigh and hugged him back, my mind lost in thoughts, when I suddenly felt him kiss me in the neck.
It was the first time since that fateful day. I was so surprised that I tried to pull back from his embrace, but he didn’t let me go. He went on kissing my neck, and I heard him moan my name, his eyes closed. I turned my head to take his lips with mine. I didn’t close my eyes, I wanted to see him, but he suddenly snapped out of his state, and pushed me away violently.
“Hyung, it’s okay. It’s me. I don’t mind.”
“We can’t !” He interrupted.
He hung his head in shame.
“I don’t care, hyung. I love you. I don’t mind it if you don’t mind it either. If you want me to do it again, I will.”
“Changmin-ah ! Don’t talk like that ! I am so ashamed… Don’t make it worse. From now on, I want you to forget about what happened between us. I want you to find someone kind and caring and loving. I want you to be happy.
“I can’t be happy without you, hyung.”
“Neither can I. Changmin-ah… Let’s… Let’s steady our lives first. Then find someone good to love. Someone that is not our brother. Promise me, Changmin-ah.”
I looked at his eyes, his beautiful, bright eyes that were filled with sadness, and eventually nodded. He had rejected me. He had rejected my love for him. And though I knew it was only out of love and true care, I felt a void in my heart that needed to be filled very soon.
-----------------
My first day in high school was exciting. I met a nice guy with blonde hair, named Junsu. He sat next to me in history and math classes, and ate with me at lunch. He was a member of the soccer team and asked me if I wanted to join them, but I told him I was not that much into sports, and that I wanted to go to the music club to learn how to play guitar. It happened that he had been learning it the last two years, and he spontaneously proposed to teach me. Since I couldn’t let him know about my address, I asked him to meet me in the music room after classes.
Since my brother was barely home now, I started meeting Junsu in the music room every day until late. I liked to be with him. He was always cheerful, always excited to tell me the news about the teachers, the students, and about his dream to become a singer. I didn’t know what I wanted to do after I graduated yet, so I waited to see my grades first.
He asked me about my family, but I stayed evasive, not sure myself about the truth. When he noticed I had not even a cell phone, he seemed to understand that I wanted to keep some details private and stopped asking.
Junsu soon showed interest in me. He didn’t say it out loud, but I had some hints from the way he held me while teaching me how to play the guitar, and from the looks he threw at me when we separated after school. When Christmas holiday came, he finally asked me out.
I was so excited that I came home early. I found my brother had just woken up and was preparing for his night shift. When I told him I wanted to hang out with Junsu this Saturday, he gave me that strange look he always gave me when I talked about other men, but agreed. He searched his jacket’s pocket and gave me some extra money for the date. I looked at him gratefully and thanked him, and then I went to do my homework.
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I was on my way to the place where I would meet with Junsu. I was excited, but also a little scared because I had never been asked out before.
The day was very enjoyable. We went to the movie in the morning, and then went to the restaurant before going for a walk in the city center. We admired the Christmas decorations everywhere and I couldn’t help but think back of Yunho, who used to describe us the same things when he himself had been there. He had been very kind to me, and had tried his best to make us forget about our situation. I wondered what happened to him, if he had lost his job, or been punished. Or if he was looking for us. That thought made me shiver.
Junsu noticed that and wrapped his right arm around my shoulders, pressing me against him. I looked at him and he looked back. He came closer, closer, until his lips touched mine.
When he pulled out, he handed me a box he had been carrying around from the morning. I looked at him and he said :
“Merry Christmas, Changmin-ah.”
I opened the box and found a cell phone inside.
“I took the liberty of registering my number. I hope you don’t mind.”
It was the first present I had ever been given. I looked at him and thanked him. He smiled and we headed to the place we had met at. I didn’t want him to take me back home, so we separated there, and after watching him leave, I headed home.
-----------------
My brother came home very late. I had decorated the table with some Christmas decorations and put a homemade cake in the middle, and then I had sat and waited for him, until I fell asleep.
“What is all that about, Changmin-ah ?”
“You’re back ? Welcome home, hyung. I made this cake for you. I spent a wonderful day today, and I wanted to share my happiness with you.”
He sat next to me and I cut the cake and gave him a big piece. While he ate it, his eyes fell on the box Junsu gave me.
“This is a present Junsu gave me. It’s a cell phone.”
“It’s nice of him.”
I handed it to him so that he could take a look at it, but his eyes suddenly bulged. I looked at the screen. There was a text message from Junsu saying ‘thank you for today. I hope you went home safe. I can’t wait to see you again. Kisses’ embellished with many hearts.
I glanced at my brother, aware I was blushing, but he didn’t say anything. He thanked me for the cake, and went to the bathroom.
I was disappointed. I had finally the life he wanted me to have. I went to school, had friends, had even a nice boyfriend who gave me a present for Christmas. But he didn’t care. I had hoped we would talk about it all night long, I was sure if I showed him my efforts to find a boyfriend he would stop avoiding me and be reassured. I wanted to feel him close to me, but the wall he had put up seemed unbreakable, and it tore my heart apart.
I cleaned everything, and went to sleep. I waited for my brother to come out, which I knew would take long, like always when he was angry at me. When I heard him lay under his blanket too, I turned on my side and asked him in a whisper.
“Are you angry at me ?”
After a moment of silence, he said:
“Do you like him ?”
“I… I’m not sure, but I want to give him a chance. He’s… very caring, and understanding. I would like you to meet him.”
I looked in his eyes, he was staring at me, with that look, that strange look again.
“Promise me…”
He stopped, cleared his voice, and resumed:
“Promise me you will take your time to understand your feelings before doing anything with him.”
I nodded, smiled, and soon fell asleep.
-----------------
The months went by, with me going to school and hyung still working. My relationship with Junsu was good, but the more we approached the end of the school year, the more Junsu changed. I knew he was going to leave Seoul with his mother right after we graduated, so I wanted to enjoy our moments as much as possible.
I noticed he had a new habit lately. He spent more and more time with his soccer team. I had no problem with his friends, but he seemed angry at me every time we met. He stopped sending me cute text messages with hearts and kisses and started asking about what I was doing, or with whom I was, and how long I stayed with whoever was with me. I didn’t give much attention to his new behavior until one day, when he cornered me in my class, holding my hands tightly up against the wall, in front of all my classmates.
“Changmin-ah, are you cheating on me ?”
“W-what ? Junsu, what are you doing ?”
“I asked you something first. Answer me.”
“No, no, of course I’m not ! Junsu-yah, you’re hurting me.”
“Then why are you spending your time with that bastard instead of me ?”
He turned his head towards one of my classmates, who was too scared to utter a word.
“We work together on a project for the biology class, that’s why.”
I showed him our biology book open on my table. He seemed surprised and loosened his grip.
“Junsu, can you let go of me, now, please ? Class is about to start.”
“Yeah, yeah…”
He let go of my hands and went to his seat without a word.
After the last class, I headed home, still shocked by Junsu’s behavior. When he saw me turn towards the school entrance instead of heading to the music room, he ran after me and said :
“Changminnie, I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I… Please listen to me.”
“Junsu, you didn’t just hurt me, you threatened me. And the poor Kyuhyun too. Do you realize it ?”
“I thought… I thought…”
“That I cheated on you ? Because I was not with you ? But where were you, you ? You are the one who left me to stay with your soccer team members. And I didn’t come to you like a crazy to demand an explanation.”
“I… I was jealous… I… I thought you didn’t like me anymore.”
“What makes you think that ?”
“I… It’s… I… You don’t send me hearts when you write me text messages… And you never ask me out first… And you smile to everyone like you smile to me. And you never tell me anything about you… I… I feel like… I feel like I’m just a classmate to you. I…”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He seemed to be aware himself how lame his excuses were, but he couldn’t stop himself anymore. He went on for a moment like that, and when he was finished, he seemed to be on the verge to cry.
“Listen, Junsu. I understand that you have not been satisfied with me, but why have you chosen to stay with your soccer team members instead of talking with me ? You have acted like a jerk earlier. You have scared us all, and you have hurt me. I’m not your property, Junsu. I’m your boyfriend.”
“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”
He looked at me, and then tried to kiss me. I didn’t push him back. When he pulled out, he asked me :
“Changminnie, it’s almost the end of school. After we graduate, I won’t be able to see you. I… I would like to spend as much time with you as I can. Will you agree ?”
I nodded, and we kissed again. After a moment, we separated and Junsu proposed to drive me home. I shook my head and told him I wanted to walk. He pecked my cheek and let me go.
When I came home, I threw myself on my bed, and stayed there until my brother came back, late at night. While I waited, I received several text messages from Junsu, all full of hearts. I answered him right back to reassure him. I didn’t want another scene at school.
When Jaejoong came home, he was exhausted. He went to take a shower and went to sleep. Just before he closed his eyes, he looked at me and saw I was staring back.
“How was your day, Changmin-ah ?”
He turned to his side. His face showed tiredness, but his eyes were wide open, ready to hear me out. No matter how tiring his day was, he would always listen to me. He was too responsible to just care about himself. And I was sure my face said how messy my heart was.
“I had a quarrel with Junsu. But we made up already.”
“Do you need me to do anything ?”
“No, thanks. Hyung, you haven’t had dinner.”
“Neither have you.”
We shared a long look, and then he turned to his other side and fell asleep.
I remembered one day, when we were still locked up. He had complained about me eating more than my share, and I just ignored him. I kept for myself the truth. That I knew he ate slowly so that I would eat more. That I stuffed my mouth with food because I was afraid I would jump on him and eat his mouth instead. That even when I ate like four, I never fattened because I was too worried he had not had enough. And like every night, the last thing I watched before closing my eyes was his back.
-----------------
On the day we gradated, the school held a party and we were all invited. Junsu had asked me to go with him, and I had agreed. I told him to meet me in front of a restaurant. I didn’t tell him that it was my brother’s workplace.
I had saved enough money delivering milk to buy my brother a cell phone too, and I wanted to convince him to come to the party with me, just to have a break from work.
I arrived early and was about to go in when I heard a voice I knew on the side of the restaurant. I walked there discreetly and found my brother and a man. My brother was throwing the garbage and was about to go back in the restaurant but the man stopped him.
“Don’t be like that, Joongie. I know you want it. You can’t live like a monk forever. Let me… Let me give you a taste of it…”
He held my brother by the waist and kissed him. I was about to interrupt them when he pulled out and asked :
“So ?”
“Are you done ? I need to go back to work.”
He went back in, followed by the man. I was so shocked I didn’t even notice Junsu until he held me by the waist and pecked me on the cheek.
“Shall we go, Changminnie ?”
I followed him to his car and we went to the party.
I don’t remember much of the party. My mind was replaying again and again the scene I had witnessed. When Junsu started stroking my waist, I couldn’t think of anything but the man’s hand on my brother’s waist. So he had a boyfriend too, huh ? Why didn’t he tell me ? I had told him about Junsu since the first day. I had never imagined he could have a boyfriend, and now that I thought about it, I felt stupid. I should have expected it, since he was the one who had pushed me in Junsu’s arms, saying I had to find someone else.
When Junsu saw I was not interested by the party, he took me to his car. Once inside, he started kissing me in the neck. He gave me a hickey while stroking my waist. He felt me up while kissing me all over the chest. Some students came out of the school and looked at us. I asked him to go somewhere else. He drove a few minutes and stopped in an empty street. He resumed his kissing and touching, and I let him do. I couldn’t forget the image of my brother being kissed by that man.
Junsu pulled my top up to my neck, and after a few kisses, he went to my trousers, and tried to open them. I stretched out in the car seat and looked at the window, my mind still filled with images of Jaejoong, when I suddenly saw someone pass by the car. I straightened up and pushed Junsu back, looking at the window.
“I’m sorry, Junsu, I can’t. I need to go. I hope you will be happy with your mother, wherever you go.”
I left him like that, too busy trying to run after the man I had seen at the window. He was on the end of the street, and was walking fast. I ran after him until I was not far, and watched him take a look to his right before crossing the road. Now I was sure. It was Yunho.
--------------
It was very late when I came back home. I tried not to wake up my brother but he had fallen asleep on the table, probably waiting for me.
“Changmin-ah ? You just came home ?”
“I’m sorry I have woken you up. I have news. You will never believe-“
“Changmin-ah, what were you doing out all night ?! I was dead worried something might have happened. I called you on your cell phone but you didn’t answer.”
“I turned it off when I was in Junsu’s car. We were parked somewhere, I don’t know where, it was late, and-“
“You what ?! I thought you were attending a party in your school ? Changmin-ah, don’t tell me… You two were…”
“Don’t act like you’re innocent. I saw you too, flirting with that man at work.”
Jaejoong looked at me, shock written all over his face, then he shook his head and said :
“It’s not what you think, it’s my boss-“
“Right now I don’t care. You’re not listening to me. I have important news. I saw Yunho.”
“What ? Did he see you too ?”
“No, don’t worry.”
“Tell me what happened.”
“So, like I said, Junsu and I had left the party and drove a bit before parking somewhere. Suddenly, I saw a man pass by the car, and when I looked at the window, I recognized Yunho.”
“I hope you didn’t tell Junsu-“
“Don’t worry, he doesn’t know anything, and even if he did, he will be leaving Korea very soon with his mother.”
“What did you do then ?”
“What do you think ? I followed him, of course. He went to a house not far from my school. I waited to see if he would come out, but he didn’t. So I eventually came home. Here is the address. Hyung, what do you think we should do now ?”
“What I will do now. I’m going to survey him until I know why he’s here.”
“I have finished school, hyung. I won’t stay there while you play to be a spy.”
“No you won’t.”
“Plus you have to go to work. You can’t watch him as long as I can.”
My brother looked angrily at me, but eventually agreed. We went to bed and tried to get some sleep.
End of part 1
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Paring : Jaemin (main), Minsu
Length : oneshot
Genre : Alternative Universe,
Warning : twincest
Summary : After escaping from their prison, Jaejoong and Changmin want nothing more than forget about their past. But they will have to learn to deal with their new life as fugitives as well as unrequited feelings…
Author's note : 1) So... I have not finished it yet, but I thought it would be interesting to have a little bit of suspense, so I cut the sequel into two parts. Here is the first.
2) I feel like I'm spamming starcandy... It would be nice to have some feedback, readers, even if it is criticism !
============
I watched the road, sitting on the bus seat next to my brother, still unsure it was not just a dream. I opened the window to feel the fresh air on my face, to convince myself that I was indeed out of that apartment, out of that prison my brother and I had spent so many years locked in. I turned to look at my brother who looked back at me.
We shared a long, meaningful look. We knew our life was about to start over, and even if we had made million plans over the years for the time we would be free, we were scared of the future. Because our past was full of ghosts.
I took my brother’s hand, and he tried to pull it back, but I tightened my grip. I knew he had been avoiding my touch since that day our fate had reached the point of no return. But I didn’t plan to let him put an invisible wall between us. I pulled his head gently against my shoulder, and rested my head on his, and soon fell asleep.
The bus driver woke us up when we arrived in Seoul. We asked him to drop us off to the cheapest hotel and took a room. It was already late, so we decided to eat some ramen we bought on our way to the hotel and get some sleep, because the next day we would be busy looking for a room to rent, and also for a job.
There was only one bed in the room, we couldn’t afford more. My brother looked bothered whereas I didn’t mind at all. I took a shower first, and then he went to the bathroom and stayed here as long as he could. I knew he was waiting for me to fall asleep to come back.
I was dozing when I felt him climb next to me, and waited for him to be lying to turn on my side and wrap my arm around his waist. He was startled by my touch but I didn’t let him go.
I remembered him the day after we did it. His eyes were so full of sadness, of despair. I knew he had finally chosen to escape only because of that. Because he thought it was his fault.
“Hyung, I won’t try anything, I promise. I just want to hug you until I fall asleep, please ? I’m… I’m scared to be in a new place.”
Jaejoong didn’t move, and I took that for a yes.
“I love you, hyung. Good night.” I murmured to his ear, before closing my eyes.
-------------------
The next day we spent the whole day looking for a room, and finally found something. It was a one room type, a little like the apartment we were locked in, but a lot smaller, and there was no furniture. However we were glad we found it. There was a fridge and a heater, and the landlord, an old woman named Jung-shi, lent us two futons with blankets. We spent the rest of the day cleaning it.
The next days, we looked for a job, but no one wanted to hire me because I was underage. My brother found a place as a waiter in two different restaurants, while I delivered milk early in the morning. Hyung didn’t want me to work forever though, and started looking for a school for me, while I stayed home studying.
With the money we spared, we both took evening classes. To our great surprise, we were not as late as we thought, and I would be able to attend my last year in high school by September. As for my brother, he graduated by the end of June.
We quarreled a lot about what we would do next, I wanted to work like him, because these last few weeks had been very tiring for him and I didn’t want him to be exhausted because of me, but in the end we decided that since I couldn’t work yet, I would attend school for a year while he would still work until I graduated too.
We spent five months like this, with him working and me studying, both of us hiding as much as possible, afraid our kidnappers might find us.
We were already in September. The day before the start of school, as my brother just came back from the store, I looked at him apprehensively.
“What is bothering you, Changmin-ah ? I thought you would be excited ?”
“Hyung, what if it’s too hard ? I missed school for years… I don’t know if…”
“Listen, Changmin-ah. You haven’t been doing nothing all these years. You have worked hard. You are smart, and I know you will do your best, so there is no need to worry. I am sure you will soon have the best grades in your class. I trust you.”
But he could read on my face that his words couldn’t reassure me. When he saw I was about to cry, he put the bag of food he had just bought, came closer and hugged me, and stroked my back in a soothing way. I let out a sigh and hugged him back, my mind lost in thoughts, when I suddenly felt him kiss me in the neck.
It was the first time since that fateful day. I was so surprised that I tried to pull back from his embrace, but he didn’t let me go. He went on kissing my neck, and I heard him moan my name, his eyes closed. I turned my head to take his lips with mine. I didn’t close my eyes, I wanted to see him, but he suddenly snapped out of his state, and pushed me away violently.
“Hyung, it’s okay. It’s me. I don’t mind.”
“We can’t !” He interrupted.
He hung his head in shame.
“I don’t care, hyung. I love you. I don’t mind it if you don’t mind it either. If you want me to do it again, I will.”
“Changmin-ah ! Don’t talk like that ! I am so ashamed… Don’t make it worse. From now on, I want you to forget about what happened between us. I want you to find someone kind and caring and loving. I want you to be happy.
“I can’t be happy without you, hyung.”
“Neither can I. Changmin-ah… Let’s… Let’s steady our lives first. Then find someone good to love. Someone that is not our brother. Promise me, Changmin-ah.”
I looked at his eyes, his beautiful, bright eyes that were filled with sadness, and eventually nodded. He had rejected me. He had rejected my love for him. And though I knew it was only out of love and true care, I felt a void in my heart that needed to be filled very soon.
-----------------
My first day in high school was exciting. I met a nice guy with blonde hair, named Junsu. He sat next to me in history and math classes, and ate with me at lunch. He was a member of the soccer team and asked me if I wanted to join them, but I told him I was not that much into sports, and that I wanted to go to the music club to learn how to play guitar. It happened that he had been learning it the last two years, and he spontaneously proposed to teach me. Since I couldn’t let him know about my address, I asked him to meet me in the music room after classes.
Since my brother was barely home now, I started meeting Junsu in the music room every day until late. I liked to be with him. He was always cheerful, always excited to tell me the news about the teachers, the students, and about his dream to become a singer. I didn’t know what I wanted to do after I graduated yet, so I waited to see my grades first.
He asked me about my family, but I stayed evasive, not sure myself about the truth. When he noticed I had not even a cell phone, he seemed to understand that I wanted to keep some details private and stopped asking.
Junsu soon showed interest in me. He didn’t say it out loud, but I had some hints from the way he held me while teaching me how to play the guitar, and from the looks he threw at me when we separated after school. When Christmas holiday came, he finally asked me out.
I was so excited that I came home early. I found my brother had just woken up and was preparing for his night shift. When I told him I wanted to hang out with Junsu this Saturday, he gave me that strange look he always gave me when I talked about other men, but agreed. He searched his jacket’s pocket and gave me some extra money for the date. I looked at him gratefully and thanked him, and then I went to do my homework.
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I was on my way to the place where I would meet with Junsu. I was excited, but also a little scared because I had never been asked out before.
The day was very enjoyable. We went to the movie in the morning, and then went to the restaurant before going for a walk in the city center. We admired the Christmas decorations everywhere and I couldn’t help but think back of Yunho, who used to describe us the same things when he himself had been there. He had been very kind to me, and had tried his best to make us forget about our situation. I wondered what happened to him, if he had lost his job, or been punished. Or if he was looking for us. That thought made me shiver.
Junsu noticed that and wrapped his right arm around my shoulders, pressing me against him. I looked at him and he looked back. He came closer, closer, until his lips touched mine.
When he pulled out, he handed me a box he had been carrying around from the morning. I looked at him and he said :
“Merry Christmas, Changmin-ah.”
I opened the box and found a cell phone inside.
“I took the liberty of registering my number. I hope you don’t mind.”
It was the first present I had ever been given. I looked at him and thanked him. He smiled and we headed to the place we had met at. I didn’t want him to take me back home, so we separated there, and after watching him leave, I headed home.
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My brother came home very late. I had decorated the table with some Christmas decorations and put a homemade cake in the middle, and then I had sat and waited for him, until I fell asleep.
“What is all that about, Changmin-ah ?”
“You’re back ? Welcome home, hyung. I made this cake for you. I spent a wonderful day today, and I wanted to share my happiness with you.”
He sat next to me and I cut the cake and gave him a big piece. While he ate it, his eyes fell on the box Junsu gave me.
“This is a present Junsu gave me. It’s a cell phone.”
“It’s nice of him.”
I handed it to him so that he could take a look at it, but his eyes suddenly bulged. I looked at the screen. There was a text message from Junsu saying ‘thank you for today. I hope you went home safe. I can’t wait to see you again. Kisses’ embellished with many hearts.
I glanced at my brother, aware I was blushing, but he didn’t say anything. He thanked me for the cake, and went to the bathroom.
I was disappointed. I had finally the life he wanted me to have. I went to school, had friends, had even a nice boyfriend who gave me a present for Christmas. But he didn’t care. I had hoped we would talk about it all night long, I was sure if I showed him my efforts to find a boyfriend he would stop avoiding me and be reassured. I wanted to feel him close to me, but the wall he had put up seemed unbreakable, and it tore my heart apart.
I cleaned everything, and went to sleep. I waited for my brother to come out, which I knew would take long, like always when he was angry at me. When I heard him lay under his blanket too, I turned on my side and asked him in a whisper.
“Are you angry at me ?”
After a moment of silence, he said:
“Do you like him ?”
“I… I’m not sure, but I want to give him a chance. He’s… very caring, and understanding. I would like you to meet him.”
I looked in his eyes, he was staring at me, with that look, that strange look again.
“Promise me…”
He stopped, cleared his voice, and resumed:
“Promise me you will take your time to understand your feelings before doing anything with him.”
I nodded, smiled, and soon fell asleep.
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The months went by, with me going to school and hyung still working. My relationship with Junsu was good, but the more we approached the end of the school year, the more Junsu changed. I knew he was going to leave Seoul with his mother right after we graduated, so I wanted to enjoy our moments as much as possible.
I noticed he had a new habit lately. He spent more and more time with his soccer team. I had no problem with his friends, but he seemed angry at me every time we met. He stopped sending me cute text messages with hearts and kisses and started asking about what I was doing, or with whom I was, and how long I stayed with whoever was with me. I didn’t give much attention to his new behavior until one day, when he cornered me in my class, holding my hands tightly up against the wall, in front of all my classmates.
“Changmin-ah, are you cheating on me ?”
“W-what ? Junsu, what are you doing ?”
“I asked you something first. Answer me.”
“No, no, of course I’m not ! Junsu-yah, you’re hurting me.”
“Then why are you spending your time with that bastard instead of me ?”
He turned his head towards one of my classmates, who was too scared to utter a word.
“We work together on a project for the biology class, that’s why.”
I showed him our biology book open on my table. He seemed surprised and loosened his grip.
“Junsu, can you let go of me, now, please ? Class is about to start.”
“Yeah, yeah…”
He let go of my hands and went to his seat without a word.
After the last class, I headed home, still shocked by Junsu’s behavior. When he saw me turn towards the school entrance instead of heading to the music room, he ran after me and said :
“Changminnie, I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I… Please listen to me.”
“Junsu, you didn’t just hurt me, you threatened me. And the poor Kyuhyun too. Do you realize it ?”
“I thought… I thought…”
“That I cheated on you ? Because I was not with you ? But where were you, you ? You are the one who left me to stay with your soccer team members. And I didn’t come to you like a crazy to demand an explanation.”
“I… I was jealous… I… I thought you didn’t like me anymore.”
“What makes you think that ?”
“I… It’s… I… You don’t send me hearts when you write me text messages… And you never ask me out first… And you smile to everyone like you smile to me. And you never tell me anything about you… I… I feel like… I feel like I’m just a classmate to you. I…”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He seemed to be aware himself how lame his excuses were, but he couldn’t stop himself anymore. He went on for a moment like that, and when he was finished, he seemed to be on the verge to cry.
“Listen, Junsu. I understand that you have not been satisfied with me, but why have you chosen to stay with your soccer team members instead of talking with me ? You have acted like a jerk earlier. You have scared us all, and you have hurt me. I’m not your property, Junsu. I’m your boyfriend.”
“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”
He looked at me, and then tried to kiss me. I didn’t push him back. When he pulled out, he asked me :
“Changminnie, it’s almost the end of school. After we graduate, I won’t be able to see you. I… I would like to spend as much time with you as I can. Will you agree ?”
I nodded, and we kissed again. After a moment, we separated and Junsu proposed to drive me home. I shook my head and told him I wanted to walk. He pecked my cheek and let me go.
When I came home, I threw myself on my bed, and stayed there until my brother came back, late at night. While I waited, I received several text messages from Junsu, all full of hearts. I answered him right back to reassure him. I didn’t want another scene at school.
When Jaejoong came home, he was exhausted. He went to take a shower and went to sleep. Just before he closed his eyes, he looked at me and saw I was staring back.
“How was your day, Changmin-ah ?”
He turned to his side. His face showed tiredness, but his eyes were wide open, ready to hear me out. No matter how tiring his day was, he would always listen to me. He was too responsible to just care about himself. And I was sure my face said how messy my heart was.
“I had a quarrel with Junsu. But we made up already.”
“Do you need me to do anything ?”
“No, thanks. Hyung, you haven’t had dinner.”
“Neither have you.”
We shared a long look, and then he turned to his other side and fell asleep.
I remembered one day, when we were still locked up. He had complained about me eating more than my share, and I just ignored him. I kept for myself the truth. That I knew he ate slowly so that I would eat more. That I stuffed my mouth with food because I was afraid I would jump on him and eat his mouth instead. That even when I ate like four, I never fattened because I was too worried he had not had enough. And like every night, the last thing I watched before closing my eyes was his back.
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On the day we gradated, the school held a party and we were all invited. Junsu had asked me to go with him, and I had agreed. I told him to meet me in front of a restaurant. I didn’t tell him that it was my brother’s workplace.
I had saved enough money delivering milk to buy my brother a cell phone too, and I wanted to convince him to come to the party with me, just to have a break from work.
I arrived early and was about to go in when I heard a voice I knew on the side of the restaurant. I walked there discreetly and found my brother and a man. My brother was throwing the garbage and was about to go back in the restaurant but the man stopped him.
“Don’t be like that, Joongie. I know you want it. You can’t live like a monk forever. Let me… Let me give you a taste of it…”
He held my brother by the waist and kissed him. I was about to interrupt them when he pulled out and asked :
“So ?”
“Are you done ? I need to go back to work.”
He went back in, followed by the man. I was so shocked I didn’t even notice Junsu until he held me by the waist and pecked me on the cheek.
“Shall we go, Changminnie ?”
I followed him to his car and we went to the party.
I don’t remember much of the party. My mind was replaying again and again the scene I had witnessed. When Junsu started stroking my waist, I couldn’t think of anything but the man’s hand on my brother’s waist. So he had a boyfriend too, huh ? Why didn’t he tell me ? I had told him about Junsu since the first day. I had never imagined he could have a boyfriend, and now that I thought about it, I felt stupid. I should have expected it, since he was the one who had pushed me in Junsu’s arms, saying I had to find someone else.
When Junsu saw I was not interested by the party, he took me to his car. Once inside, he started kissing me in the neck. He gave me a hickey while stroking my waist. He felt me up while kissing me all over the chest. Some students came out of the school and looked at us. I asked him to go somewhere else. He drove a few minutes and stopped in an empty street. He resumed his kissing and touching, and I let him do. I couldn’t forget the image of my brother being kissed by that man.
Junsu pulled my top up to my neck, and after a few kisses, he went to my trousers, and tried to open them. I stretched out in the car seat and looked at the window, my mind still filled with images of Jaejoong, when I suddenly saw someone pass by the car. I straightened up and pushed Junsu back, looking at the window.
“I’m sorry, Junsu, I can’t. I need to go. I hope you will be happy with your mother, wherever you go.”
I left him like that, too busy trying to run after the man I had seen at the window. He was on the end of the street, and was walking fast. I ran after him until I was not far, and watched him take a look to his right before crossing the road. Now I was sure. It was Yunho.
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It was very late when I came back home. I tried not to wake up my brother but he had fallen asleep on the table, probably waiting for me.
“Changmin-ah ? You just came home ?”
“I’m sorry I have woken you up. I have news. You will never believe-“
“Changmin-ah, what were you doing out all night ?! I was dead worried something might have happened. I called you on your cell phone but you didn’t answer.”
“I turned it off when I was in Junsu’s car. We were parked somewhere, I don’t know where, it was late, and-“
“You what ?! I thought you were attending a party in your school ? Changmin-ah, don’t tell me… You two were…”
“Don’t act like you’re innocent. I saw you too, flirting with that man at work.”
Jaejoong looked at me, shock written all over his face, then he shook his head and said :
“It’s not what you think, it’s my boss-“
“Right now I don’t care. You’re not listening to me. I have important news. I saw Yunho.”
“What ? Did he see you too ?”
“No, don’t worry.”
“Tell me what happened.”
“So, like I said, Junsu and I had left the party and drove a bit before parking somewhere. Suddenly, I saw a man pass by the car, and when I looked at the window, I recognized Yunho.”
“I hope you didn’t tell Junsu-“
“Don’t worry, he doesn’t know anything, and even if he did, he will be leaving Korea very soon with his mother.”
“What did you do then ?”
“What do you think ? I followed him, of course. He went to a house not far from my school. I waited to see if he would come out, but he didn’t. So I eventually came home. Here is the address. Hyung, what do you think we should do now ?”
“What I will do now. I’m going to survey him until I know why he’s here.”
“I have finished school, hyung. I won’t stay there while you play to be a spy.”
“No you won’t.”
“Plus you have to go to work. You can’t watch him as long as I can.”
My brother looked angrily at me, but eventually agreed. We went to bed and tried to get some sleep.
End of part 1
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