Dear Hannah,

[missersatz]

You are NOT ALLOWED to competitive-drink-sport with your bandmate. Your bandmate can drink you under the table, and you are a jackass show-off who tries to keep up but canNOT. Last night you bought two cans of beans that you don't need--do you want things like that to keep happening? Knock it off or you have to stay in your room all day. And I will take your new Beatles/Wu mash-up away from you, also.

Love,
Hannah