The crarps I gots in my brains
So, for a minute there, months ago, I was taking this yoga class at the studio in the same building as Strand. It is a 12:15 hour-long class, which was perf coz it meant I'd get to work right on time (even factoring in the post-class cigarette SHUT UP). BUT then I stopped going coz man, fuck leaving the house any earlier than I absolutely HAVE to, right? Right. But! Then my genius brain discovered that if I just take a longish lunch hour, I can just go take the yoga class on my lunch hour! Which is awesome coz I looooooove it! I was having body-image-crisis-nightmare-bullshit-suck-suck-suck for like fucking EVER because this asshole who is supposed to be my friend said to me, "I hate to tell you this, but I think you put on a pound or two." Which, I KNOW, shouldn't bother me--I mean, I've weighed 118 since I was I think 17 (with a couple fucked up pockets of spooky skinniness due to drugs and stuff)--if I put on a pound or two, WHO FUCKING CARES. Who would even notice, really? Fucking NO one. But this asshole said it, and my asshole brain had a SHIT fit over it, and I have been wearing James's flannels every day ever since. But it is amazing to me how totally fucking interior this body image stuff is, coz I took (literally) ONE yoga class and IMMEDIATELY felt better. Like, am wearing my sweet dinosaur teeshirt from Judith today (which is NOT an oversize shirt at ALL). It's totally my BRAINS, not my body. Which is scary, that my brains can be so crazy, but awesome that there are ways to trick my brains out of their stupid crazies. Plus: flexibility! And . . . um . . . cool pants!