Darlings, leave a light on for me!
I can be a real idiot. Not to get all emo, or anything, because I don't want to dye my hair black, but I'm starting to find it difficult to swallow the tears that are welling up in my chest. For better or for worse, I've come to have two homes. Just as much as I cried when I left Perth, I think I might double that when I leave Auckland. I feel grown up now that I've had this time away - I've found my own life, and it's one I'm going to miss. I keep hearing myself saying to people, "I'm coming back in November! It's barely any time at all!", and I've been so touched by those who've refused, on that basis, to actually say "goodbye". I feel incredibly.. dichotomied. I want to go home and I want to stay. I want to cry and I want to be excited. I want the next two days to fly past, and I want them to take forever.
Being perfectly honest, the biggest thing that's making me sad is how much I know I'll miss melebella. My LJ entries alone should make it obvious what a big part of my life my NZ best friend, and big sister has been. We've become family in such a short amount of time, and shared so many things together. I don't think there's a person in this world who knows as many shameful things about me. I love every friend I have for the different way they fit into my life, and the different relationship I have with them, but melebella is the first person I've been this close with since moving out of home. I guess it's a double blessing we're such good friends, and also live together without any problem at all. She knows when I need space and when I need company, she's always honest with me, and she's endlessly generous. She's funky and fun and tasteful and a great dancer, and truly the older sister I always wanted.
In part I feel a little bit 'here I go again'. I've come to be used to the friends that mean the most to me being scattered across the globe. I left some in Perth last year, the year before that a bunch in Canada, my best friend moved to Sydney in '99, and now here I'm choosing to do the leaving twice in 2006. Last year I said goodbye to beloved housemates who went home, and there have been goodbyes this year too. Ugh. Honestly, I'm just going to have a moment here and be done with it. There's barely any reason for me to be sad right now.
*****
Change of topic.
Poor Britpop. His woes increase.
Last night, not only was his door mysteriously egged again, but he attacked a new housemate of ours, a Maori guy living downstairs. And the racial slurs did fly. Big half-Samoan Mister Universe put things swiftly to an end, but Britpop's number of friends is rapidly dwindling. His homophobic sniping at Angel Boy, and now his racist self-outing in front of a group of people of Polynesian and Maori background aren't winning him any allies. I think he knows it now, too. He rang me this morning asking to come into my room and tell me his side of the fight/last night story before anyone else could, but I know him well enough now - not only did he want to tell me his view, but he also wanted me to validate his actions, and to mentally tick me off as 'on his side' in his head. I wasn't too keen to have that, and gave him my opinion, but I doubt I was listened to.
*****
Two more days in New Zealand.
Being perfectly honest, the biggest thing that's making me sad is how much I know I'll miss melebella. My LJ entries alone should make it obvious what a big part of my life my NZ best friend, and big sister has been. We've become family in such a short amount of time, and shared so many things together. I don't think there's a person in this world who knows as many shameful things about me. I love every friend I have for the different way they fit into my life, and the different relationship I have with them, but melebella is the first person I've been this close with since moving out of home. I guess it's a double blessing we're such good friends, and also live together without any problem at all. She knows when I need space and when I need company, she's always honest with me, and she's endlessly generous. She's funky and fun and tasteful and a great dancer, and truly the older sister I always wanted.
In part I feel a little bit 'here I go again'. I've come to be used to the friends that mean the most to me being scattered across the globe. I left some in Perth last year, the year before that a bunch in Canada, my best friend moved to Sydney in '99, and now here I'm choosing to do the leaving twice in 2006. Last year I said goodbye to beloved housemates who went home, and there have been goodbyes this year too. Ugh. Honestly, I'm just going to have a moment here and be done with it. There's barely any reason for me to be sad right now.
*****
Change of topic.
Poor Britpop. His woes increase.
Last night, not only was his door mysteriously egged again, but he attacked a new housemate of ours, a Maori guy living downstairs. And the racial slurs did fly. Big half-Samoan Mister Universe put things swiftly to an end, but Britpop's number of friends is rapidly dwindling. His homophobic sniping at Angel Boy, and now his racist self-outing in front of a group of people of Polynesian and Maori background aren't winning him any allies. I think he knows it now, too. He rang me this morning asking to come into my room and tell me his side of the fight/last night story before anyone else could, but I know him well enough now - not only did he want to tell me his view, but he also wanted me to validate his actions, and to mentally tick me off as 'on his side' in his head. I wasn't too keen to have that, and gave him my opinion, but I doubt I was listened to.
*****
Two more days in New Zealand.