I don't understand

[misselaine]

I have been having suicidal thoughts lately. I have no plans to carry anything out, but it doesn't stop the thoughts of not living from coming.

I am incredibly depressed and lethargic. I want to do absolutely nothing at all.

I don't want to live. I am so tired of it. It is so painful and I don't have control of a god damn thing. What is the point? I am a good person, right? I give more of myself than I ever expect in return.

I just can't take it anymore.