Day II
Ugh. This place is seriously the butt crack of America. Don't ever go to St. Louis unless you plan on hating life for a couple of days.
It's desolate here...seriously, do people live, work or eat here on a regular basis??? It's weird. It reminds me of somewhere that has been creepily evacuated. I dunno. I'm so ready to be home. I encountered the worst of the worst today...and yes I'm gonna feel sorry for myself, because it sucked.
Instead of weirdos, the assholes were out on day two.
Asshole one:
He's a math teacher from Madison, with a daughter who is 24, making 80K as an actuary and apparently is God's long lost sister. I'm not exaggerating when I say this man talked AT me for a good 45 minutes about how great his daughter's life is and how successful she is. In these minutes he:
pulled out his cell phone just to let me know that he's never received a bill because she pays for everything. She's in New York right now being flown around and taken to Broadway shows. She's passed 8 of the 10 actuarial exams (a feat that takes mortal people at least 10 years). She was an all-state softball player for years, but gave it all up to pursue her actuarial career. Her boyfriend is an underwriter and drives a BMW. She just bought him a house in Arizona-WITH A POOL, oh and that she fucking walks on water. Now, now, you might be saying..."he's just a proud dad, let him gush." But it went over the line when he started be-rating people who pursue futures outside of the math world. Conversation went this way:
Me: That's great to hear that she's been so successful!
Him: I know, that's why I can't believe it when I hear people major in Liberal Arts! I mean I have this bumper sticker in my classroom that says: "I got a liberal arts degree, would you like that for here or to go?" HAHAHAHAHAHAH! I mean people who major in marketing, at least that's not as bad as communications! I hope neither of you majored in communications?
Me: Well I majored in Journalism.
Him: Yeah? and where do you think that is going to get you in the future???? (Doing this sort of scoffing thing that asshole people do)
Me: (because I think he might actually care) Well I'm hoping to become an Editor.
Him: And make what? $40K for the rest of your life at the most?????
Now I'm fucking offended and pissed.
Me: Well sir, that would be a pay cut for me, I'm doing pretty well, not that I need to tell you how much I make, but I didn't major in math, I'm a word person, not a numbers person.
Old dude steps back a bit and gets all apologetic. I try to end the conversation, but he keeps going and talks about how he basically told his Other daughter that she can't become an actuary because she's a lazy pos who never lifted a finger to study.
I wish I could go rescue her because next year when she goes to college, feels like she can't amount to anything, smokes pot, gets drunk at a party and gets knocked up...she'll need somewhere to go.
I was nice to him to an extent because I had to be...but it took a lot not to just ask him what the hell his deal was. I'm seriously going to research if it is even logistically possible for her to take all those tests in that short of time, because I think this guy was bullshitting me. I don't even know why I cared...but seriously it's been like an all day verbal attack on me. I wanted to just start throwing ruler-calculators at him...but I'd probably get fired.
Asshole number two:
Some huge black guy who is missing his front teeth and is wearing a button up silky Budweiser shirt starts yelling to me from the other aisle "I know you's married! I knoooooooow you's married!"
Me: No sir, I'm not married.
(This is the moment when you decide you should have said, "Yes, I knows I'm married!)
Gross guy who apparently snuck in to collect a bunch of free stuff because he doesn't have a badge on comes over to my booth, gets down on one knee grabs my hand (as I'm backing away from him) and proposes to me. Funny? Perhaps any other day it might be, but I'm trying to talk to people in a professional atmosphere and this guy is accosting me in my personal space. I asked him to please get off the floor and he stands up and puts his arm around me, asks the people I'm talking to, who are frozen where they stand if we "make a cute couple" and then proceeds to tell me he has a Cadillac outside. Fucking gross as all hell. Then he asked me if he could have six ruler calculators. Of course you can dude...you kleptomaniac-missing teeth-pervert...He sticks them in his bag, proceeds to tell me that he wishes he could put me in there..reminds of the Cadillac and then says...."I bet your boyfriend thinks about you every night before he goes to bed." and then tells me to have a "Blessed day". Well sir, if the day was to be blessed, it certainly has gone down the shitter after this little outburst by you. UGH! What the fuck is wrong with people??? I had to take a moment after that one. It would have been funny without him touching me...but it was downright skeevy and being a woman is seriously like some open invite for dudes to have their way with you. It's not like I could call security because chances are, they are probably the ones who let this maniac in here to pillage and plunder as he pleases. Take your caddy and your free swag and get the fuck away from me. Oh...and don't forget to have a blessed day. Thank JESUS!
The clock strikes 5pm, I run out of the expo with my hands in the air, screaming like I've just been freed from some sort of hostage situation, and thinking things couldn't possible get any worse, my co-worker and I head over to another hotel to get some dinner. Asshole three, the final asshole of this day appeared very unexpectedly. Ahhh asshole three, may you perish in St. Louis and forever remember the day that I offended you in your honorable place of work!
Asshole three:
Walking through the mini-mall that is connected to the Hyatt at Union Station, we keep seeing these signs that ask people to "respect the privacy of the Hyatt's guests and not to ask for photos or auto-graphs..." We kept asking each other what on god's earth would someone of any celebrity status be doing in St. Louis and certainly what the fuck would they be doing staying at a GOD DAMN HYATT connected to a mini-mall???? So we were curious and we approached a bellman in the lobby to ask for directions to the fine dining establishment, Houlihans. After he told us where the restaurant was, I saw he was standing in front of another of these signs. Now being from Chicago, we all encounter famous people who are in town for whatever business or pleasure, etc...and I've been to Vegas during the pimp and hoe ball and even then I've never seen any sort of signage asking for pee-on retards like us to please KEEP AWAY FROM THE CELEBRITIES! I couldn't take it anymore, so I broke down and asked simply..."do you guys get a whole bunch of famous people in St. Louis or what?" You would think I asked him to show me the fucking rooming list or something because he just stared at me and made that "I'm sorry but you're of no importance and I'm not going to answer that" face. So I looked at my co-worker...and because I've had the day I had I just opened my mouth and the first thing that came out was "well that's annoying." Just then, hell pretty much broke loose and this dude lost it. He looks at me with squinty eyes, his face gets all red and he points to the sign and says in a tone that almost made me cry: "Well if you think I'm so annoying than that's too bad, because my job is to protect the privacy of our guests and if you can't read this sign and see that it's important enough to have it in print than you wouldn't understand that it's important for me not to answer your question, NOT ANNOYING!" Debbie, my co-worker's eyes were so big and she was fixated on this guy. While he's pretty much verbally attacking me, I'm trying to explain to him that I wasn't asking him who was there, I was asking if they have to put those signs up because they get a lot of famous celebrities in St. Louis. When it got to the point where we were basically in a verbal argument in the hotel lobby I conceded and walked away. I could not believe what just happened. Had I been able to get a thought through my head I would have asked him to see his manager, but the dude was seriously unstable and my instinct was to just get far away from him. THIS IS A HOTEL EMPLOYEE! YELLING AT TWO SMALL WOMEN!!! And it was annoying that he stood there and didn't even give me the hospitality of answering me with a verbal..."I can't tell you that." After I calmed down, I decided that I for sure ruined that dudes day by telling him he was annoying and it was obvious by the way he reacted. I'm sorry you are in your mid-thirties and you are a fucking bellboy at the Hyatt, which is the basic equivalent to a mall security guard and you think you're the shit because you know that some famous person is staying at your shitty ass chain hotel. Get a fucking life dude.
After a fine meal of chicken fingers and discussing what a shit hole St. Louis has proven to be, me and Debbie went into this little store in the hotel so I could get cigarettes. This nice young guy was working in there so Debbie gave a swing at asking what the fuck the big deal is...
So here's the big goddamned secret. The fucking Washington Nationals baseball team are contracted to stay at the Hyatt when they are in town to play the fucking Cardinals! So basically people who are like bottom dwellers on my list of interest (sorry athletes, baseball fans, and men in general) were the reason that I got into a battle of words with some low life douche bag. If I even saw those guys I probably wouldn't give a second thought to the fact that they might be famous. I'm not a hooker and I don't have any steroids, so I guess I have nothing to offer them anyway. I burst into heckling laughter and explained what happened to this clerk. He said the people in the hotel take it way to seriously and that I guess because they have a contract, they are legally bound to keep their mouth's shut, but he didn't give a shit, obviously. I thanked him for making my day and left wishing that I could have him follow me upstairs while I yelled "HEY BELLBOY....WASHINGTON NATIONALS ASSHOLE!" with middle fingers blazing. But I didn't want to get him in trouble, so I just ended the day from hell and came back to my room and re-type this all for people who probably don't care to read.
Tomorrow ends this awful awful trip and I get to come home and I think I might go on a bender for a couple days to recover. I can seriously see why people who travel for work become alcoholics or real assholes...it fucking sucks dealing with idiots and having to do it because it's either your job or you're just too tired to even form a functional sentence let alone a prime sarcastic comeback.
This whole trip has been me pretty much saying: "What I should have said is...."
St. Louis has ruined me. I'm a hardened girl. Goodnight and good riddance.
It's desolate here...seriously, do people live, work or eat here on a regular basis??? It's weird. It reminds me of somewhere that has been creepily evacuated. I dunno. I'm so ready to be home. I encountered the worst of the worst today...and yes I'm gonna feel sorry for myself, because it sucked.
Instead of weirdos, the assholes were out on day two.
Asshole one:
He's a math teacher from Madison, with a daughter who is 24, making 80K as an actuary and apparently is God's long lost sister. I'm not exaggerating when I say this man talked AT me for a good 45 minutes about how great his daughter's life is and how successful she is. In these minutes he:
pulled out his cell phone just to let me know that he's never received a bill because she pays for everything. She's in New York right now being flown around and taken to Broadway shows. She's passed 8 of the 10 actuarial exams (a feat that takes mortal people at least 10 years). She was an all-state softball player for years, but gave it all up to pursue her actuarial career. Her boyfriend is an underwriter and drives a BMW. She just bought him a house in Arizona-WITH A POOL, oh and that she fucking walks on water. Now, now, you might be saying..."he's just a proud dad, let him gush." But it went over the line when he started be-rating people who pursue futures outside of the math world. Conversation went this way:
Me: That's great to hear that she's been so successful!
Him: I know, that's why I can't believe it when I hear people major in Liberal Arts! I mean I have this bumper sticker in my classroom that says: "I got a liberal arts degree, would you like that for here or to go?" HAHAHAHAHAHAH! I mean people who major in marketing, at least that's not as bad as communications! I hope neither of you majored in communications?
Me: Well I majored in Journalism.
Him: Yeah? and where do you think that is going to get you in the future???? (Doing this sort of scoffing thing that asshole people do)
Me: (because I think he might actually care) Well I'm hoping to become an Editor.
Him: And make what? $40K for the rest of your life at the most?????
Now I'm fucking offended and pissed.
Me: Well sir, that would be a pay cut for me, I'm doing pretty well, not that I need to tell you how much I make, but I didn't major in math, I'm a word person, not a numbers person.
Old dude steps back a bit and gets all apologetic. I try to end the conversation, but he keeps going and talks about how he basically told his Other daughter that she can't become an actuary because she's a lazy pos who never lifted a finger to study.
I wish I could go rescue her because next year when she goes to college, feels like she can't amount to anything, smokes pot, gets drunk at a party and gets knocked up...she'll need somewhere to go.
I was nice to him to an extent because I had to be...but it took a lot not to just ask him what the hell his deal was. I'm seriously going to research if it is even logistically possible for her to take all those tests in that short of time, because I think this guy was bullshitting me. I don't even know why I cared...but seriously it's been like an all day verbal attack on me. I wanted to just start throwing ruler-calculators at him...but I'd probably get fired.
Asshole number two:
Some huge black guy who is missing his front teeth and is wearing a button up silky Budweiser shirt starts yelling to me from the other aisle "I know you's married! I knoooooooow you's married!"
Me: No sir, I'm not married.
(This is the moment when you decide you should have said, "Yes, I knows I'm married!)
Gross guy who apparently snuck in to collect a bunch of free stuff because he doesn't have a badge on comes over to my booth, gets down on one knee grabs my hand (as I'm backing away from him) and proposes to me. Funny? Perhaps any other day it might be, but I'm trying to talk to people in a professional atmosphere and this guy is accosting me in my personal space. I asked him to please get off the floor and he stands up and puts his arm around me, asks the people I'm talking to, who are frozen where they stand if we "make a cute couple" and then proceeds to tell me he has a Cadillac outside. Fucking gross as all hell. Then he asked me if he could have six ruler calculators. Of course you can dude...you kleptomaniac-missing teeth-pervert...He sticks them in his bag, proceeds to tell me that he wishes he could put me in there..reminds of the Cadillac and then says...."I bet your boyfriend thinks about you every night before he goes to bed." and then tells me to have a "Blessed day". Well sir, if the day was to be blessed, it certainly has gone down the shitter after this little outburst by you. UGH! What the fuck is wrong with people??? I had to take a moment after that one. It would have been funny without him touching me...but it was downright skeevy and being a woman is seriously like some open invite for dudes to have their way with you. It's not like I could call security because chances are, they are probably the ones who let this maniac in here to pillage and plunder as he pleases. Take your caddy and your free swag and get the fuck away from me. Oh...and don't forget to have a blessed day. Thank JESUS!
The clock strikes 5pm, I run out of the expo with my hands in the air, screaming like I've just been freed from some sort of hostage situation, and thinking things couldn't possible get any worse, my co-worker and I head over to another hotel to get some dinner. Asshole three, the final asshole of this day appeared very unexpectedly. Ahhh asshole three, may you perish in St. Louis and forever remember the day that I offended you in your honorable place of work!
Asshole three:
Walking through the mini-mall that is connected to the Hyatt at Union Station, we keep seeing these signs that ask people to "respect the privacy of the Hyatt's guests and not to ask for photos or auto-graphs..." We kept asking each other what on god's earth would someone of any celebrity status be doing in St. Louis and certainly what the fuck would they be doing staying at a GOD DAMN HYATT connected to a mini-mall???? So we were curious and we approached a bellman in the lobby to ask for directions to the fine dining establishment, Houlihans. After he told us where the restaurant was, I saw he was standing in front of another of these signs. Now being from Chicago, we all encounter famous people who are in town for whatever business or pleasure, etc...and I've been to Vegas during the pimp and hoe ball and even then I've never seen any sort of signage asking for pee-on retards like us to please KEEP AWAY FROM THE CELEBRITIES! I couldn't take it anymore, so I broke down and asked simply..."do you guys get a whole bunch of famous people in St. Louis or what?" You would think I asked him to show me the fucking rooming list or something because he just stared at me and made that "I'm sorry but you're of no importance and I'm not going to answer that" face. So I looked at my co-worker...and because I've had the day I had I just opened my mouth and the first thing that came out was "well that's annoying." Just then, hell pretty much broke loose and this dude lost it. He looks at me with squinty eyes, his face gets all red and he points to the sign and says in a tone that almost made me cry: "Well if you think I'm so annoying than that's too bad, because my job is to protect the privacy of our guests and if you can't read this sign and see that it's important enough to have it in print than you wouldn't understand that it's important for me not to answer your question, NOT ANNOYING!" Debbie, my co-worker's eyes were so big and she was fixated on this guy. While he's pretty much verbally attacking me, I'm trying to explain to him that I wasn't asking him who was there, I was asking if they have to put those signs up because they get a lot of famous celebrities in St. Louis. When it got to the point where we were basically in a verbal argument in the hotel lobby I conceded and walked away. I could not believe what just happened. Had I been able to get a thought through my head I would have asked him to see his manager, but the dude was seriously unstable and my instinct was to just get far away from him. THIS IS A HOTEL EMPLOYEE! YELLING AT TWO SMALL WOMEN!!! And it was annoying that he stood there and didn't even give me the hospitality of answering me with a verbal..."I can't tell you that." After I calmed down, I decided that I for sure ruined that dudes day by telling him he was annoying and it was obvious by the way he reacted. I'm sorry you are in your mid-thirties and you are a fucking bellboy at the Hyatt, which is the basic equivalent to a mall security guard and you think you're the shit because you know that some famous person is staying at your shitty ass chain hotel. Get a fucking life dude.
After a fine meal of chicken fingers and discussing what a shit hole St. Louis has proven to be, me and Debbie went into this little store in the hotel so I could get cigarettes. This nice young guy was working in there so Debbie gave a swing at asking what the fuck the big deal is...
So here's the big goddamned secret. The fucking Washington Nationals baseball team are contracted to stay at the Hyatt when they are in town to play the fucking Cardinals! So basically people who are like bottom dwellers on my list of interest (sorry athletes, baseball fans, and men in general) were the reason that I got into a battle of words with some low life douche bag. If I even saw those guys I probably wouldn't give a second thought to the fact that they might be famous. I'm not a hooker and I don't have any steroids, so I guess I have nothing to offer them anyway. I burst into heckling laughter and explained what happened to this clerk. He said the people in the hotel take it way to seriously and that I guess because they have a contract, they are legally bound to keep their mouth's shut, but he didn't give a shit, obviously. I thanked him for making my day and left wishing that I could have him follow me upstairs while I yelled "HEY BELLBOY....WASHINGTON NATIONALS ASSHOLE!" with middle fingers blazing. But I didn't want to get him in trouble, so I just ended the day from hell and came back to my room and re-type this all for people who probably don't care to read.
Tomorrow ends this awful awful trip and I get to come home and I think I might go on a bender for a couple days to recover. I can seriously see why people who travel for work become alcoholics or real assholes...it fucking sucks dealing with idiots and having to do it because it's either your job or you're just too tired to even form a functional sentence let alone a prime sarcastic comeback.
This whole trip has been me pretty much saying: "What I should have said is...."
St. Louis has ruined me. I'm a hardened girl. Goodnight and good riddance.