lay my head down
I just fixed a pot of decaf house blend, a Starbucks-from-the-grocery-store bag that my mom keeps in the freezer. I don't know why my parents bought that, since they NEVER drink decaf coffee, but it's perfect right now.
oh, the party's kicked up a few notches
look at us getting loose
she leans back against the wall and she watches
tugging her collar like it might be a noose
and everyone's tied to their thing - to their past, to their drink, or the date that they bring
I opened today (5:30-12:30) with Susan, Amanda, Robert, and Mike. Beth was there for like half an hour and then left, saying she felt like she was too stuffed up to work. At first I was pissed - I looked at Susan and said, "I'm not trying to be a bitch, but if I can be at work right now, anyone can be" - but the bottom line is, it was the right thing for me to be at work today. And maybe it wasn't right for Beth. Who knows. Anyway, we got SLAMMED as soon as she left - I have honestly never seen our Starbucks like that. I don't think I even ever saw the Tabor store like that for so long. It was the perfect coffee day, rainy and grey, and apparently the Wake Forest tailgate crowd was out with us too, but wow, it was ridiculous. Luckily we had no weak links; Robert and Amanda were on bar, I was on register, and Susan floated (more like ran). When Mike came in we all got a little more breathing room, but not much since everyone had to take breaks, and when Christina walked in at 11:30 everyone about had a conniption, we were so glad to see her. And it was a good day - Susan CRACKS my shit up and that was great, something totally unrelated to Tara and the hospital that I could throw my whole self into. I needed every ounce of concentration to keep track of orders and pastries and coffee and it was nice, even though I was exhausted by the end. Then again, of course, I was exhausted when I got there.
i just get tired all of a sudden taking it in
and i want to lay my head down on you
because you're the only solid thing in this room
a room full of changes, strangers, illusion, confusion
i speak from my heart but i'm not really sure if it's true
and i want to lay my head down on you
Can I talk about how much I love my Salem friends? I spent all day yesterday with Tomlin, which was ridiculously fun and something that we haven't done in... years. I had opened at work (5-11) and Liz came by to tell me she and Tomlin were meeting Katie at Moe's for lunch if I wanted to come. So I came home after work and changed clothes, and we all met at Moe's and it was an hour and a half of sheer hilarity. Ashley Laura Tomlin (C05) made me laugh so hard I started crying, and it was great to laugh like that amidst all of this stress. Katie had to go back to work, so the three of us got her a coffee at Starbucks (grande nonfat light-whip pumpkin spice latte, duh) and led a covert operation featuring what Tomlin called my "secret service" walk through Carolina Urology, where Katie works. Liz had to go babysit when we left, so Tomlin and I went to the flats and I met her Salem little sister Brooks and some other girls, and then the two of us met Liz and Natalie Lassiter in the FAC where Rebecca was having her music lesson. Tomlin, Katie, Monique, and I went to the hospital around 5:15 again that afternoon when Katie got off work, and it was a good chance to get some things talked through, I think. Tara's family left in a thousand different directions so we held down the fort and kept claim of the Family Consultation Room, and the conversation and just the fellowship of the four of us felt really comforting to me. We left after the 8:30-9 visting half-hour, during which both Katie and Monique went in to see Tara, and drove to Twin City Diner and ate a ridiculous amount of food, and then, since I had to open again this morning, I left them there and came home and crashed.
oh they say don't waste too much time planning or you'll get the rug ripped out
and the only way you'll be satisfied
is learning to live without
well, some plan for the kingdom of heaven
and some take their chances
and bet lucky seven
i don't know what to believe i just show up and breathe anymore
and i want to lay my head down on you
because you're the only solid thing in this room
a room of dressers, professors, lookers, hookers
if i don't get out i'll do something i don't want to do
I talked to Meenal on Friday night, and today have talked to Kate PL and Meigh (with Melissa on speaker phone). I talked to Trish on Wednesday and Thursday. I called Jim Wednesday night, and now he calls intermittently, consistently, checking in. My brother called this afternoon, but I was beat and didn't talk to him; my parents filled him in. Bill, who basically uses our Starbucks as his office, asks about Tara every day. Susan asks. When I talked to Liz this afternoon, she remembered to ask about the DR and about Joe. I have amazing friends. Amazing.
and i want to lay my head down on you
was it so long ago that we sat
and talked in your car
your things were all packed and the place you were headed not really that far
years later i think that i would've been much more alive
to have taken you up on your offer
and taken that drive
So, after I opened this morning, I came home and my mom fixed me a plate of spaghetti and bread and salad, and I demolished it and then went upstairs to take a nap. I slept for five hours straight. When I woke up, I called some people and then did laundry and made coffee. While it's weird to have a day without the hospital and a series of frantic phone updates, it's also been very restful. I think I needed it. Katie called a little bit ago, on her way to babysit, and said something like, "I realized I hadn't called you all day, and it's not because of anything really, but my sister and aunt are in town and I've been with my family..." and I said, "you know, I think it's good that all of us had a day to just do other things."
oh, everything that's come before us
leads us to where we are now
and that's simple i know
so i cannot let go of the feeling that i'm lost somehow
just a ghost looking in out of my own life, just visiting
in search of a body to have and to hold and to keep
and to sleep
and i want to lay my head down on you
My parents are gone somewhere - I know they went to the cursillo serenade, but I'm pretty sure there were other stops involved. My mom semi-woke me up when they left and told me where they were going, but I fell right back to sleep and honestly can't remember anything. So I have no idea where they are or when they'll be home. I know this is awful to say, but in some ways it's easier not to have them here. It's hard to tell anyone that isn't a Salem alum how this is. I don't know why, or if that's fair, but that's how I feel right now.
because you're the only solid thing in this room
a room full of missed chance, slow dance, cold fate, heartache
i showed up for a party and
saw my life story full view
and i want to lay my head down on you
oh, the party's kicked up a few notches
look at us getting loose
she leans back against the wall and she watches
tugging her collar like it might be a noose
and everyone's tied to their thing - to their past, to their drink, or the date that they bring
I opened today (5:30-12:30) with Susan, Amanda, Robert, and Mike. Beth was there for like half an hour and then left, saying she felt like she was too stuffed up to work. At first I was pissed - I looked at Susan and said, "I'm not trying to be a bitch, but if I can be at work right now, anyone can be" - but the bottom line is, it was the right thing for me to be at work today. And maybe it wasn't right for Beth. Who knows. Anyway, we got SLAMMED as soon as she left - I have honestly never seen our Starbucks like that. I don't think I even ever saw the Tabor store like that for so long. It was the perfect coffee day, rainy and grey, and apparently the Wake Forest tailgate crowd was out with us too, but wow, it was ridiculous. Luckily we had no weak links; Robert and Amanda were on bar, I was on register, and Susan floated (more like ran). When Mike came in we all got a little more breathing room, but not much since everyone had to take breaks, and when Christina walked in at 11:30 everyone about had a conniption, we were so glad to see her. And it was a good day - Susan CRACKS my shit up and that was great, something totally unrelated to Tara and the hospital that I could throw my whole self into. I needed every ounce of concentration to keep track of orders and pastries and coffee and it was nice, even though I was exhausted by the end. Then again, of course, I was exhausted when I got there.
i just get tired all of a sudden taking it in
and i want to lay my head down on you
because you're the only solid thing in this room
a room full of changes, strangers, illusion, confusion
i speak from my heart but i'm not really sure if it's true
and i want to lay my head down on you
Can I talk about how much I love my Salem friends? I spent all day yesterday with Tomlin, which was ridiculously fun and something that we haven't done in... years. I had opened at work (5-11) and Liz came by to tell me she and Tomlin were meeting Katie at Moe's for lunch if I wanted to come. So I came home after work and changed clothes, and we all met at Moe's and it was an hour and a half of sheer hilarity. Ashley Laura Tomlin (C05) made me laugh so hard I started crying, and it was great to laugh like that amidst all of this stress. Katie had to go back to work, so the three of us got her a coffee at Starbucks (grande nonfat light-whip pumpkin spice latte, duh) and led a covert operation featuring what Tomlin called my "secret service" walk through Carolina Urology, where Katie works. Liz had to go babysit when we left, so Tomlin and I went to the flats and I met her Salem little sister Brooks and some other girls, and then the two of us met Liz and Natalie Lassiter in the FAC where Rebecca was having her music lesson. Tomlin, Katie, Monique, and I went to the hospital around 5:15 again that afternoon when Katie got off work, and it was a good chance to get some things talked through, I think. Tara's family left in a thousand different directions so we held down the fort and kept claim of the Family Consultation Room, and the conversation and just the fellowship of the four of us felt really comforting to me. We left after the 8:30-9 visting half-hour, during which both Katie and Monique went in to see Tara, and drove to Twin City Diner and ate a ridiculous amount of food, and then, since I had to open again this morning, I left them there and came home and crashed.
oh they say don't waste too much time planning or you'll get the rug ripped out
and the only way you'll be satisfied
is learning to live without
well, some plan for the kingdom of heaven
and some take their chances
and bet lucky seven
i don't know what to believe i just show up and breathe anymore
and i want to lay my head down on you
because you're the only solid thing in this room
a room of dressers, professors, lookers, hookers
if i don't get out i'll do something i don't want to do
I talked to Meenal on Friday night, and today have talked to Kate PL and Meigh (with Melissa on speaker phone). I talked to Trish on Wednesday and Thursday. I called Jim Wednesday night, and now he calls intermittently, consistently, checking in. My brother called this afternoon, but I was beat and didn't talk to him; my parents filled him in. Bill, who basically uses our Starbucks as his office, asks about Tara every day. Susan asks. When I talked to Liz this afternoon, she remembered to ask about the DR and about Joe. I have amazing friends. Amazing.
and i want to lay my head down on you
was it so long ago that we sat
and talked in your car
your things were all packed and the place you were headed not really that far
years later i think that i would've been much more alive
to have taken you up on your offer
and taken that drive
So, after I opened this morning, I came home and my mom fixed me a plate of spaghetti and bread and salad, and I demolished it and then went upstairs to take a nap. I slept for five hours straight. When I woke up, I called some people and then did laundry and made coffee. While it's weird to have a day without the hospital and a series of frantic phone updates, it's also been very restful. I think I needed it. Katie called a little bit ago, on her way to babysit, and said something like, "I realized I hadn't called you all day, and it's not because of anything really, but my sister and aunt are in town and I've been with my family..." and I said, "you know, I think it's good that all of us had a day to just do other things."
oh, everything that's come before us
leads us to where we are now
and that's simple i know
so i cannot let go of the feeling that i'm lost somehow
just a ghost looking in out of my own life, just visiting
in search of a body to have and to hold and to keep
and to sleep
and i want to lay my head down on you
My parents are gone somewhere - I know they went to the cursillo serenade, but I'm pretty sure there were other stops involved. My mom semi-woke me up when they left and told me where they were going, but I fell right back to sleep and honestly can't remember anything. So I have no idea where they are or when they'll be home. I know this is awful to say, but in some ways it's easier not to have them here. It's hard to tell anyone that isn't a Salem alum how this is. I don't know why, or if that's fair, but that's how I feel right now.
because you're the only solid thing in this room
a room full of missed chance, slow dance, cold fate, heartache
i showed up for a party and
saw my life story full view
and i want to lay my head down on you