Vissisitudes, and other vocab words like that.
okay, well just now i was thinking about the true essence that makes me so perpetually fucked up. Like i know its not a big deal, but im getting sick, and i have to sing, alot this week, and i need to go to bed early, especially becuase im tired and i haven't finished all of my homework, but still im up and procrastinating, something thats actually very enjoyable (ah, sleep!), and yet i get wrapped up in all kinds of TRYSTS. What a dirty word, but its what it is. And last night? i went to bed late again because i had this certain, shall we say...fantasy about someone i shouldn;t be having "fantasises" (if u have to so blatenly call it that) about this particular person. eh, im squirming all over, becuase its weird. i cant even believe im admitting it. its a fucking vissisitude
And i know im not "really" (technically) a whore, but why is it, atleast in my own mind that i can't resist being "playful" around people. when it actually comes down to do something with anyone, i get that awful weird feeling. idk...someone please decode my thoughts...lol. i couldnt be thought as, as a flirt, but still there's a certain quality i think of in my brain when i act this way.
Oh man, what else...i had a whole list of things that really bothered me about myself. like never being able to fix whatever's going on in my own life, but i love being apart of other people's lives, and feel awful when im not. i guess that would characterize above vissisitude. I'm selfish, i need to be in the spot light, i hate the path it takes to get into the spot light, i want everything, and am afraid of most things..on my wall is a sign that says "fear is the only thing that can hold me down."...well so far, its been living up to its name.
And i know im not "really" (technically) a whore, but why is it, atleast in my own mind that i can't resist being "playful" around people. when it actually comes down to do something with anyone, i get that awful weird feeling. idk...someone please decode my thoughts...lol. i couldnt be thought as, as a flirt, but still there's a certain quality i think of in my brain when i act this way.
Oh man, what else...i had a whole list of things that really bothered me about myself. like never being able to fix whatever's going on in my own life, but i love being apart of other people's lives, and feel awful when im not. i guess that would characterize above vissisitude. I'm selfish, i need to be in the spot light, i hate the path it takes to get into the spot light, i want everything, and am afraid of most things..on my wall is a sign that says "fear is the only thing that can hold me down."...well so far, its been living up to its name.