It's been a long ass time
I guess in a way this is my only outlet right now. I'm so confused with what's going on with my life. I love my boyfriend dearly but we are on a break and I know that this probably means its over. But it's a stupid reason to be on a break. I just don't get it. I mean I do. But rather than him calling it a break I wish he would just call it as it is. Really he just wants sometime this weekend by himself you know? I'm actually in VA this weekend visting my sister. I decided this would be the best escape yet. Plus, it's nice to see her. It sucks that she lives so far away. I'm ranting. EWww her cat just farted! She has really bad gas! It's pretty funny. So one of the reasons I stopped writing in this is because Eric use to leave me comments and try to make me think that it wasn't him but I knew it was him :( But I guess I won't have to worry about that since he killed himself last year.. Why does life have to be so confusing? I know that Den and I are on this break because we do fight a lot. I know that I start the fights a lot but you know what.. it's because he wanted to commit and wanted to move forward and than decided he didn't want to. I know that's why I fight with him a lot. Also I fight with him because I finally don't feel as if I can't say certain things to him you know? Like for instance (not to be gross) but when he pees at the trailer and lifts up the seat.. he always pees on the toilet bowl so I yelled at him and said can you try to aim? HELLO! and he got mad at me. How can you get mad at me? I get mad at him for that sh*t it's not like he cleans the f******* bathroom you know? I mean jesus christ... it'd be different if he did. So Unno what i am going to do when I go home tomorrow. My belly has butterflies. I'm so scared as to what is going to happen next with us. THis is the 1st guy that I completely trust & would actually want to procreate with. ugh. I just wanna tell him that we fight becuase I want to move forward and I don't think we are and if we aren't going to move forward than I have to move forward with my life. Last January he told me he wanted to spend the rest of my life. Now look at us.. were about to break the F*** up. Oh well. ugh. God I'm so freaking out. Maybe I could learn to not fight w/him about stupid sh*t or whatever and just start fresh. Do you really think you can start fresh in a relationship? Is it actually possible? Unno. I know that I always try to tell him to forgive me for fighting non-stop with him in the summer. I don't think he's actually forgiven me for it. I don't know when I will talk to him nexxt. I am hoping he'll talk to me tomorrow but I doubt it. enough writing...