at $1.49 a bag, you can't go wrong.
Last night. Just before midnight. Somewhere in Texas and/or Illinois. Inspiration struck...
missdeviant: i'm eating gummi bears and cereal
missdeviant: which is not gummi bears IN cereal
torchthisnow: gummi bears would be good.
missdeviant: they're delicious. i'm beheading them with my teeth
torchthisnow: sadist.
missdeviant: gummi bears LIKE being beheaded!
missdeviant: i'm doing them a favor!
missdeviant: (and all of a sudden, i feel like i'm seth and you're ryan)
torchthisnow: i was seriously JUST about to say!
I hereby present to you the first joint-fic effort from the former reigning LJ/OC/OTP.
Sugar makes us crazy.
The O.C. Seth/Ryan. PG-13. This was going to have porn, but I got sleepy
Here and There and Everywhere
by missdeviant & MollyTM
“Seth. Are you trying to attract an ant colony to my bed?"
"Yes, Ryan. That's exactly what I'm doing."
"Seriously, Seth. That's like, four bags of gummi bears you've got spread out on my blanket.”
"Seven, really. Maybe six and a half. I got hungry"
"That still doesn't explain why they're on my bed."
"It's a gummi bear reenactment of the Battle of Helm's Deep, Ryan. Look, the elves are about to come in over the pillow!"
"Pillows played a pivotal role in the Battle of Helm's Deep? I must have slept through that part."
"Hey, Peter Jackson had the vast New Zealand landscape to work with, okay? All I have is a lousy futon. Bear with me."
"So what are the yellow ones doing over there?"
"Those are the people of Rohan. The green ones are the Orcs, the reds are the Elves, and the little purple one is Gimli."
"The purple one looks like it's missing its feet."
"Well, I had to make it clear that he was a *dwarf*. How else did you expect me to do that? The candy shop doesn’t sell dwarf gummi bears"
"So you ate Gimli's feet."
"I prefer to think of it as a budget cut. We save money in animation and camera tricks if I just - "
"Eat Gimli's feet."
"Well, I am partial to the purple ones"
"Cannibal."
"Am not. You're only a cannibal if it's your own species, and I left Aragorn's feet alone."
"What do you call beheading the Orcs with your teeth, then?"
"I call it WINNING, Ryan"
"You call it ‘winning’?" Ryan shook his head.
"I'm fighting the good fight! I'm making the most of what weapons are available to me! Gimli has an ax, Aragorn has a sword, Legolas has a bow, and I have my mighty teeth!"
"You said the orcs were green?"
"Yeah, they are. So?"
"So you just ate an elf. That makes you a turncoat. Seth 'Benedict Arnold' Cohen."
"Nobody said war was pretty. But it is tasty." Seth popped two more elves into his mouth.
"It’s an interspecies buffet, got it. But why on MY bed?"
"Rosa's changing my sheets. Yours was available."
Ryan cleared his throat. He knew better than to argue with Seth logic, especially sugared up Seth logic. "I hate to even ask...but what are those two bears doing on my night stand?"
"Have you never heard the saying about what people do in the last days of war, Ryan?"
"No, but I have a feeling you’re going to tell me."
"They sleep together."
"That's it? No patented Seth Cohen diatribe about the perils of wearing heavy armor while in a rainstorm?"
"Well, no, because that's not how the saying goes. And I would never embellish on a time honored saying."
"I see. And who are the two...bears…supposed to be again? One is an elf...."
"Aren't you taking AP Calc this year? Is this really so hard to remember?"
“Well, I'm really tired, Seth, and I would like to sleep, but given that I have gummi bears playing the roles of six thousand orcs on my bed..."
“Ten thousand orcs, Ryan. Ten thousand.”
"Seth. Don't take this personally, but I will kill you."
"With what, dude? Your backpack? Your scowl? I have the armies of Middle Earth at my disposal!"
"I can take the armies of Middle Earth out in one fell swoop if I decide to sit down on the deeping wall right now."
"Which you would not do, Ryan, because then I'd just have to behead the gummi bears while they were stuck to your ass."
Ryan raised an eyebrow.
"Uh, yeah. Battle!"
"When are you going to be done with all this?"
"It's hard to tell, Ryan. In the movie, the battle only lasted about an hour, but if I remember my Tolkien correctly, it was something near three days."
"I hope Rosa's done. Because I’m sleeping on your bed." Ryan turned to leave.
"Dude! Hey! Just…don't disturb the Peeps on the dresser."
Ryan looked over his shoulder at Seth with a look of sheer bemusement on his face.
“Uh, Ghostbusters final battle."
*
"Jesus, Seth. Not this again"
"No. Not that again!" Seth mocked, two large bags of gummi bears clutched in his hand.
“What is it this time? Star Wars? Star Trek? Starship Troopers?”
“The fact that you are familiar with Starship Troopers impresses me, Ryan.”
“The fact that you’re holding gummi bears scares me, Seth.”
"These are *special* gummi bears, Ryan. And do you know what special gummi bears do?"
"Ride the little bus with you?"
"Um, no."
Seth sat on the bed and tore open a cellophane bag. Ryan moved to sit up.
“No, dude, stay there, okay?”
"This isn't going to turn into an outtake from Armageddon, is it?"
"Oh, you want it to, Liv?" Seth tugged at Ryan’s shirt and dangled a gummi bear enticingly above his bare stomach.
Ryan glared. "Does Liv Tyler always have to be involved in gummi bear reenactments?"
"Only the Academy Award winning ones"
"Out. Out of my poolhouse."
“Oh, you think you’re tough, huh? Let’s see how tough you look with gummi bears on your face.” Seth pinched a bright red bear between his fingers and waved it around above Ryan’s prone figure.
"Get that out too!" Ryan grabbed at Seth’s arm and trapped the wrist belonging to the hand with the offending gummi bear in a tight grip.
Of course, Seth’s fingers were still free. He dropped the gummi bear, and it fell to a rest on Ryan’s cheek.
“I’m going to have to get that, you know.”
“Seth?” Ryan blinked.
“Yeah?”
“Do you have to get that with your teeth?” Ryan licked his lower lip.
Seth blinked innocently, a dimple appearing on his cheek. “Need I remind you that you still have my wrist in your vise-like grip? And I need the other hand for balance, and to threaten you with more gummi bears.” Seth’s face remained distractingly close.
"Ah fuck it," Ryan growled, and yanked Seth down into a sugary kiss.
Gummi bear bags crackled when you rolled on top of them.
*
“Seth…”
“Hmm?” Seth mumbled into Ryan's chest.
“I know I shouldn’t ask, like, really, really shouldn’t ask, but…what were you going to do with these ‘special’ gummi bears before?”
“Gummi bear kama sutra.” Seth murmured sleepily.
Yep. Shouldn’t have asked at all.
--end--
missdeviant: i'm eating gummi bears and cereal
missdeviant: which is not gummi bears IN cereal
torchthisnow: gummi bears would be good.
missdeviant: they're delicious. i'm beheading them with my teeth
torchthisnow: sadist.
missdeviant: gummi bears LIKE being beheaded!
missdeviant: i'm doing them a favor!
missdeviant: (and all of a sudden, i feel like i'm seth and you're ryan)
torchthisnow: i was seriously JUST about to say!
I hereby present to you the first joint-fic effort from the former reigning LJ/OC/OTP.
Sugar makes us crazy.
The O.C. Seth/Ryan. PG-13. This was going to have porn, but I got sleepy
Here and There and Everywhere
by missdeviant & MollyTM
“Seth. Are you trying to attract an ant colony to my bed?"
"Yes, Ryan. That's exactly what I'm doing."
"Seriously, Seth. That's like, four bags of gummi bears you've got spread out on my blanket.”
"Seven, really. Maybe six and a half. I got hungry"
"That still doesn't explain why they're on my bed."
"It's a gummi bear reenactment of the Battle of Helm's Deep, Ryan. Look, the elves are about to come in over the pillow!"
"Pillows played a pivotal role in the Battle of Helm's Deep? I must have slept through that part."
"Hey, Peter Jackson had the vast New Zealand landscape to work with, okay? All I have is a lousy futon. Bear with me."
"So what are the yellow ones doing over there?"
"Those are the people of Rohan. The green ones are the Orcs, the reds are the Elves, and the little purple one is Gimli."
"The purple one looks like it's missing its feet."
"Well, I had to make it clear that he was a *dwarf*. How else did you expect me to do that? The candy shop doesn’t sell dwarf gummi bears"
"So you ate Gimli's feet."
"I prefer to think of it as a budget cut. We save money in animation and camera tricks if I just - "
"Eat Gimli's feet."
"Well, I am partial to the purple ones"
"Cannibal."
"Am not. You're only a cannibal if it's your own species, and I left Aragorn's feet alone."
"What do you call beheading the Orcs with your teeth, then?"
"I call it WINNING, Ryan"
"You call it ‘winning’?" Ryan shook his head.
"I'm fighting the good fight! I'm making the most of what weapons are available to me! Gimli has an ax, Aragorn has a sword, Legolas has a bow, and I have my mighty teeth!"
"You said the orcs were green?"
"Yeah, they are. So?"
"So you just ate an elf. That makes you a turncoat. Seth 'Benedict Arnold' Cohen."
"Nobody said war was pretty. But it is tasty." Seth popped two more elves into his mouth.
"It’s an interspecies buffet, got it. But why on MY bed?"
"Rosa's changing my sheets. Yours was available."
Ryan cleared his throat. He knew better than to argue with Seth logic, especially sugared up Seth logic. "I hate to even ask...but what are those two bears doing on my night stand?"
"Have you never heard the saying about what people do in the last days of war, Ryan?"
"No, but I have a feeling you’re going to tell me."
"They sleep together."
"That's it? No patented Seth Cohen diatribe about the perils of wearing heavy armor while in a rainstorm?"
"Well, no, because that's not how the saying goes. And I would never embellish on a time honored saying."
"I see. And who are the two...bears…supposed to be again? One is an elf...."
"Aren't you taking AP Calc this year? Is this really so hard to remember?"
“Well, I'm really tired, Seth, and I would like to sleep, but given that I have gummi bears playing the roles of six thousand orcs on my bed..."
“Ten thousand orcs, Ryan. Ten thousand.”
"Seth. Don't take this personally, but I will kill you."
"With what, dude? Your backpack? Your scowl? I have the armies of Middle Earth at my disposal!"
"I can take the armies of Middle Earth out in one fell swoop if I decide to sit down on the deeping wall right now."
"Which you would not do, Ryan, because then I'd just have to behead the gummi bears while they were stuck to your ass."
Ryan raised an eyebrow.
"Uh, yeah. Battle!"
"When are you going to be done with all this?"
"It's hard to tell, Ryan. In the movie, the battle only lasted about an hour, but if I remember my Tolkien correctly, it was something near three days."
"I hope Rosa's done. Because I’m sleeping on your bed." Ryan turned to leave.
"Dude! Hey! Just…don't disturb the Peeps on the dresser."
Ryan looked over his shoulder at Seth with a look of sheer bemusement on his face.
“Uh, Ghostbusters final battle."
*
"Jesus, Seth. Not this again"
"No. Not that again!" Seth mocked, two large bags of gummi bears clutched in his hand.
“What is it this time? Star Wars? Star Trek? Starship Troopers?”
“The fact that you are familiar with Starship Troopers impresses me, Ryan.”
“The fact that you’re holding gummi bears scares me, Seth.”
"These are *special* gummi bears, Ryan. And do you know what special gummi bears do?"
"Ride the little bus with you?"
"Um, no."
Seth sat on the bed and tore open a cellophane bag. Ryan moved to sit up.
“No, dude, stay there, okay?”
"This isn't going to turn into an outtake from Armageddon, is it?"
"Oh, you want it to, Liv?" Seth tugged at Ryan’s shirt and dangled a gummi bear enticingly above his bare stomach.
Ryan glared. "Does Liv Tyler always have to be involved in gummi bear reenactments?"
"Only the Academy Award winning ones"
"Out. Out of my poolhouse."
“Oh, you think you’re tough, huh? Let’s see how tough you look with gummi bears on your face.” Seth pinched a bright red bear between his fingers and waved it around above Ryan’s prone figure.
"Get that out too!" Ryan grabbed at Seth’s arm and trapped the wrist belonging to the hand with the offending gummi bear in a tight grip.
Of course, Seth’s fingers were still free. He dropped the gummi bear, and it fell to a rest on Ryan’s cheek.
“I’m going to have to get that, you know.”
“Seth?” Ryan blinked.
“Yeah?”
“Do you have to get that with your teeth?” Ryan licked his lower lip.
Seth blinked innocently, a dimple appearing on his cheek. “Need I remind you that you still have my wrist in your vise-like grip? And I need the other hand for balance, and to threaten you with more gummi bears.” Seth’s face remained distractingly close.
"Ah fuck it," Ryan growled, and yanked Seth down into a sugary kiss.
Gummi bear bags crackled when you rolled on top of them.
*
“Seth…”
“Hmm?” Seth mumbled into Ryan's chest.
“I know I shouldn’t ask, like, really, really shouldn’t ask, but…what were you going to do with these ‘special’ gummi bears before?”
“Gummi bear kama sutra.” Seth murmured sleepily.
Yep. Shouldn’t have asked at all.
--end--