lying. it's not just for politicians anymore...
you know, when i was a kid, i always thought that guilt was a made up emotion. like the sort of love that exists in fairy-tales or how people would get amnesia. i figured that it was probably real for some people (white people), but that it was something that existed largely in the realm of tvland.
i always thought guilt was largely made up because when i was younger, i could lie, lie, lie. i could lie my ass off and feel completely fine about it. no guilt or remorse whatsoever. lol. i was a right little sociopath. and unless it was a completely bullshit tale (like once, i told my classmates i went to the beach--lie number one cuz our parents never took us--and saw a real life mermaid. half of them believed me, half didn't. rofl), then i could usually get away with it. especially when there was no evidence to the contrary. lies would just roll off my tongue, and sometimes i amazed myself and how damn plausable they sounded. in my mind, i'd be like "dayum, i almost believed that myself!"
nowadays, i cannot tell a lie. well, i CAN lie, but it's not the same. a lie is only convincing if you believe in it as you're telling it. that way, when someone says, "yeah, right crystal, you did not meet flava flav on your trip to new york," you can be properly indignant at being accused at lying--even if the closest you've ever been to new york is watching reruns of seinfeld. it's no good if the lie is written all over your face. people can tell you're lying even before you start!
today, i cheated on a project. well, it's not real cheating, like plagiarising a paper (which i have NEVER done), but we're supposed to work on some still lifes in my art class. we are NOT allowed to work from pictures. but i didn't finish my still life in class and it's due next class period. so i took my digital camera to the art building and took a picture of it...except there was a class in there. the TA didn't want me to take the picture. i told that i've been taking pictures of sculptures around the art building and i saw this one and i'd like to photograph it (i patted myself on the back for that one), but then she asked me if i was in drawing I. i am, of course, meaning i had no damn business taking pictures of still-lifes in the drawing I lab, but i told her no. had i *really* not been in drawing one, i could have said, "oh no! i'm in a photography class," or "no, no. i just really love the works here in the art building!," or "oh no. i work for the newspaper and we're working on a piece about the school of visual arts."
but i didn't. and that made my lie less convincing. and although she let me take the picture (she seemed a little busy and distracted), she's probably going to remember my face now, because my response probably made something go off in her head. as soon as i said no. i felt guilty about lying and it was written all over my face.
now i'm worried about getting caught. damn my guilty conscience.
i always thought guilt was largely made up because when i was younger, i could lie, lie, lie. i could lie my ass off and feel completely fine about it. no guilt or remorse whatsoever. lol. i was a right little sociopath. and unless it was a completely bullshit tale (like once, i told my classmates i went to the beach--lie number one cuz our parents never took us--and saw a real life mermaid. half of them believed me, half didn't. rofl), then i could usually get away with it. especially when there was no evidence to the contrary. lies would just roll off my tongue, and sometimes i amazed myself and how damn plausable they sounded. in my mind, i'd be like "dayum, i almost believed that myself!"
nowadays, i cannot tell a lie. well, i CAN lie, but it's not the same. a lie is only convincing if you believe in it as you're telling it. that way, when someone says, "yeah, right crystal, you did not meet flava flav on your trip to new york," you can be properly indignant at being accused at lying--even if the closest you've ever been to new york is watching reruns of seinfeld. it's no good if the lie is written all over your face. people can tell you're lying even before you start!
today, i cheated on a project. well, it's not real cheating, like plagiarising a paper (which i have NEVER done), but we're supposed to work on some still lifes in my art class. we are NOT allowed to work from pictures. but i didn't finish my still life in class and it's due next class period. so i took my digital camera to the art building and took a picture of it...except there was a class in there. the TA didn't want me to take the picture. i told that i've been taking pictures of sculptures around the art building and i saw this one and i'd like to photograph it (i patted myself on the back for that one), but then she asked me if i was in drawing I. i am, of course, meaning i had no damn business taking pictures of still-lifes in the drawing I lab, but i told her no. had i *really* not been in drawing one, i could have said, "oh no! i'm in a photography class," or "no, no. i just really love the works here in the art building!," or "oh no. i work for the newspaper and we're working on a piece about the school of visual arts."
but i didn't. and that made my lie less convincing. and although she let me take the picture (she seemed a little busy and distracted), she's probably going to remember my face now, because my response probably made something go off in her head. as soon as i said no. i felt guilty about lying and it was written all over my face.
now i'm worried about getting caught. damn my guilty conscience.