A Leader's Soliloquy
Title: A Leader's Soliloquy
Pairing: For once in my life... there is none. The characters are Jaebum, Nichkhun and Taecyeon, though. You can imagine pairings if you wish XD
Rating: PG-13 for swearing. (For once in my life again, the rating actually has a reason.)
Words Count: 1927
Genre: Crack.
Summary: Jaebum is mad. He doesn't like when his manliness feels hurt like that.
A/N: This fic is dedicated to
lily_ina because this is the result of our combined minds. What our brainstorming sessions can do... XD
A Leader's Soliloquy
“I'M MAD!!” was the sudden scream that filled the changing room, which happened to be empty, apart from Taecyeon and Nichkhun, who had been chatting quietly for the past few minutes. Of course, “quietly” meant “before their crazy leader suddenly stormed into the room, instantly drawing every single living being's attention on him because he simply was like that”.
Both young men frowned, before turning their heads and throwing a curious glance at their angered leader, whose face was as long as Chansung's former hair cut and a frown as huge as the eyebrows of that guy in Super Junior. In a matter seconds, his short body - even though no one would ever dare to use the term “short” in his presence - was laying carelessly on the black leather couch of the room, legs on the arms of the piece of furniture and an arm thrown over his eyes, closed to add some dramatic effect. Anyone who knew Jaebum had to understand that he was waiting for someone to ask him what was wrong.
Which didn't happened, as his two other bandmates were too busy staring at him with confusion on Taecyeon's part, and what looked like amusement on Nichkhun's. Even if anyone in his right mind knew that showing amusement when near the leader, especially when that amusement was due to said leader, was a simple way to achieve suicide, the Thai singer didn't seem to care at that specific moment.
Oh, if Jaebum didn't need that Thai boy right now, he would have punched him right in the girly features of his damn girly face. Really. He would have.
… Or maybe not. That guy really knew how to pout cutely. Even though Jaebum would never admit he found another guy cute. Never. He was a man. A real one. Damn it.
“I said... I'm mad!” He added with a slightly raised head and a face clearly stating 'Come on guys, do your damn job, goddammit'.
Taecyeon's dumb-looking face remained, mouth ajar and eyes half-lidded, probably trying to get what the hell he was supposed to do. Nichkhun, however, let out a quick and subtle sigh, before assuming his duty and putting the 'Poor little thing, I understand what you're going through' smile on his face.
“What's wrong, Jaebum hyung?”
Under any other circumstances, the leader probably would have beamed out of happiness because of the attention he was finally getting, but since he was mad and, of course, manly, he didn't. He simply laid his head back onto the couch and sighed - in a manly way, of course.
“It's not fair!” was the complaint that escaped the older man's mouth.
This statement normally should have been followed by further explanations, but then, it wasn't. However, knowing his leader, Nichkhun knew this was only to add - even more - dramatic effect. Understanding his role, he asked again.
“What is, hyung?”
He didn't really make any effort to sound sincere. Jaebum couldn't care less anyway, he only needed someone to pour his frustration on. Whether that ear was truly listening or not, that didn't really matter.
“What is unfair?? That I have to do this! This act! This song! This dance! That's what is unfair!”
And here they were again. This wasn't the first time Jaebum complained about this. And he was up to it again. Nichkhun could only hope it was the last time.
“I mean, not only do I have to sing a hundred percent girly song - because I really didn't have a single word to say in this -, but I have to dance girly and... Oh god, I'm ashamed... I have to wear those fucking pink pants. This is so fucking unfair. Fuck.”
Okay. Just because their manager had decided that all three of them would join a few other groups to parody Girl's Generation's Gee in a live performance, which was a mass destruction weapon when manliness was concerned, the leader was making quite a fuss, often flailing from one place to another, rambling about his hurt manliness and inner self. Jeez, it was supposed to be fun. Or at least, Nichkhun thought so. And Taecyeon probably did too. Jaebum was the only one ashamed, there.
It was true that Jaebum wasn't one to act especially girly but... it probably was why the manager chose him to do this. Because, seriously, no fangirl on this earth, or at least on this continent, liked manly celebrities. They liked girly boys. Why else would there be such a need for fanservice? 2PM was a relatively manly group, but still, they had to get “girlied up” a bit from time to time, to reassure the fangirls. And Jaebum needed more than anyone else to get “girlied up”.
“Why me!?”
But he didn't understand that, obviously. What a shame. That guy had so much potential. He had the face, the height... but hell did the attitude not fit. Luckily, he usually did what he was asked to on stage and complained afterward. What a mess it would be if he ever came to swear and act manly in front of the fans.
That would mark the end of 2PM. Without any doubt.
“Seriously, man. Why pink?” rambled Jaebum. “All the others had colors like blue, red, orange, yellow... Fuck, even Jokwon - that fag - had yellow pants. Did they think pink would have made him too girly!? Hell, that fag is the gay pride all in one person. As if yellow pants would make the difference.”
Nichkhun suppressed a smirk. Jokwon had understood the trick, what the fans really wanted. A girly man. But he kind of exaggerated a bit. Just a bit... From time to time. But still, at least, he didn't act manly.
“Even Sungmin had blue pants, can you imagine? Someone up there must hate me very much.”
Sungmin was more balanced. He acted cute, with his obsession of pink things and his irresistible pouts - even though they weren't as perfect as Nichkhun's. He still managed to look sane through it all. The fans loved it. No exaggeration, it never looked forced, he did it just right. It looked natural. A bit too natural, actually. Nichkhun didn't really want to imagine why.
“You know what?” Jaebum went on. “My only consolation is that you wore purple pants.”
Nichkhun frowned and pouted. What was wrong with his purple pants? Purple was a cool color. Hadn't it been the fashionable color of last summer? Purple was pretty! Who was Jaebum to say purple wasn't? Since when that man had become a fashion specialist? Pfft.
But, of course, Jaebum shamelessly ignored his bandmate's pout. He still had to complain, he couldn't afford to get distracted by Nichkhun's mass destruction cuteness.
“But still, pink is definitely worse than purple. The worst of all. And I had to wear it! Even SNSD had blue jeans, damn it!”
Jaebum chose that very moment to slide off the couch, probably aiming for a casual look, but failing as he stumbled over his own foot, flailed a bit and kept himself from falling flat on the floor by grabbing the edge of the nearest counter at the very last moment. There were a few silent seconds before he quickly straightened up, coughing in a way that said 'you didn't see anything', and looked around the room as if nothing happened.
It took all of Nichkhun's might not to laugh, knowing what could happen when his leader's pride was hurt. He was wise enough to remain silent. Taecyeon, however, chose that very moment to show that he was still there, alive and as naive as always. “Naive” being the nice way to say “stupid”, that is.
He chuckled. Very shortly, very lightly. But he chuckled. And it was a very, very bad idea when around Jaebum. Especially when about Jaebum. The glare he received clearly said 'You're lucky you're taller than I am.”
Nichkhun, knowing that the height issue wouldn't matter if Taecyeon added anything else, tried to come back to the original topic.
“Well,” he started. “SNSD's jeans were very tight, you know.”
“Pfft. As if ours weren't.” Jaebum snorted, instantly forgetting the 'chuckling Taecyeon' issue.
“And their T-shirts were very short. You know, showing their stomach.”
“Pfft.” Jaebum snorted again. “If I had had a chance to show my abs, maybe I would have felt manlier.”
Yeah. Because everyone knows that a shirtless man in pink pants is the best display of manliness ever seen. That was common knowledge.
“And WHY THE HELL did Eunhyuk rap!?”
And there, Nichkhun had thought they had exhausted the subject. Ha. How naïve.
“Seriously, I'm a rapper too! Why did that fag get to rap and not me?? I'm way manlier than he will ever dream to be and I had to sing like a girl! No one added a rap part for me! No one.”
Neither of Nichkhun or Taecyeon dared to tell him his rapping experience was written all over his attempt at “girly singing”. It probably wouldn't have helped his ego. But telling him he really succeeded in singing in a girly way really wouldn't have helped either. Remaining silent was the best option. The safest, for sure.
“Not to mention that Eunhyuk had those blue-green-I-don't-know pants.”
“It was aqua.” Nichkhun couldn't help but say.
“Whatever with that gay complicated-color-names stuff. Pink remains worse. Especially since he had a cool hat. He rapped, with a cool hat. With who did he sleep to get all that, man?”
Nichkhun and Taecyeon rolled their eyes. But remained silent. Of course.
“Damn it! Eunhyuk is so much more effeminate than I could ever be! I should rap! I should have a cool hat! ...Or no, wait, what I am I saying? I should be anywhere as long as it isn't on a stage in pink pants with eight fags.”
His two listeners didn't feel hurt. They were used to it. Everyone was a fag when it came to Jaebum.
“This is unfair.”
And this last statement was said so much more softly than all the others of the past few minutes, that Nichkhun knew, or at least hoped, they had reached the end of the soliloquy. If they were lucky, Jaebum would find something else to do or, at least, someone else to bother.
It really wasn't the time to mention the pout that was, certainly unconsciously, forming on the other's face. With his arms crossed and the frown that came with it, he seriously looked like a child whose toy had been taken away. He looked cute.
But, really, that wasn't something to tell him. Seriously.
“Awww, look, Jaebum's pouting.”
Nichkhun and even Taecyeon froze, first looking at each other, before turning their heads towards the now open door. Unfortunately for Yesung, who was standing right there, with the door handle in his hand and a dumb smile on his face, Jaebum had turned his head too. And was now glaring at him.
Yesung got it. A bit late, but he got it. And he ran. Jaebum on his heels.
Nichkhun and Taecyeon didn't see Jaebum until an hour after that and, even though they felt bad for Yesung, they couldn't help but enjoy their short leaderless time.
Pairing: For once in my life... there is none. The characters are Jaebum, Nichkhun and Taecyeon, though. You can imagine pairings if you wish XD
Rating: PG-13 for swearing. (For once in my life again, the rating actually has a reason.)
Words Count: 1927
Genre: Crack.
Summary: Jaebum is mad. He doesn't like when his manliness feels hurt like that.
A/N: This fic is dedicated to
lily_ina because this is the result of our combined minds. What our brainstorming sessions can do... XD
A Leader's Soliloquy
“I'M MAD!!” was the sudden scream that filled the changing room, which happened to be empty, apart from Taecyeon and Nichkhun, who had been chatting quietly for the past few minutes. Of course, “quietly” meant “before their crazy leader suddenly stormed into the room, instantly drawing every single living being's attention on him because he simply was like that”.
Both young men frowned, before turning their heads and throwing a curious glance at their angered leader, whose face was as long as Chansung's former hair cut and a frown as huge as the eyebrows of that guy in Super Junior. In a matter seconds, his short body - even though no one would ever dare to use the term “short” in his presence - was laying carelessly on the black leather couch of the room, legs on the arms of the piece of furniture and an arm thrown over his eyes, closed to add some dramatic effect. Anyone who knew Jaebum had to understand that he was waiting for someone to ask him what was wrong.
Which didn't happened, as his two other bandmates were too busy staring at him with confusion on Taecyeon's part, and what looked like amusement on Nichkhun's. Even if anyone in his right mind knew that showing amusement when near the leader, especially when that amusement was due to said leader, was a simple way to achieve suicide, the Thai singer didn't seem to care at that specific moment.
Oh, if Jaebum didn't need that Thai boy right now, he would have punched him right in the girly features of his damn girly face. Really. He would have.
… Or maybe not. That guy really knew how to pout cutely. Even though Jaebum would never admit he found another guy cute. Never. He was a man. A real one. Damn it.
“I said... I'm mad!” He added with a slightly raised head and a face clearly stating 'Come on guys, do your damn job, goddammit'.
Taecyeon's dumb-looking face remained, mouth ajar and eyes half-lidded, probably trying to get what the hell he was supposed to do. Nichkhun, however, let out a quick and subtle sigh, before assuming his duty and putting the 'Poor little thing, I understand what you're going through' smile on his face.
“What's wrong, Jaebum hyung?”
Under any other circumstances, the leader probably would have beamed out of happiness because of the attention he was finally getting, but since he was mad and, of course, manly, he didn't. He simply laid his head back onto the couch and sighed - in a manly way, of course.
“It's not fair!” was the complaint that escaped the older man's mouth.
This statement normally should have been followed by further explanations, but then, it wasn't. However, knowing his leader, Nichkhun knew this was only to add - even more - dramatic effect. Understanding his role, he asked again.
“What is, hyung?”
He didn't really make any effort to sound sincere. Jaebum couldn't care less anyway, he only needed someone to pour his frustration on. Whether that ear was truly listening or not, that didn't really matter.
“What is unfair?? That I have to do this! This act! This song! This dance! That's what is unfair!”
And here they were again. This wasn't the first time Jaebum complained about this. And he was up to it again. Nichkhun could only hope it was the last time.
“I mean, not only do I have to sing a hundred percent girly song - because I really didn't have a single word to say in this -, but I have to dance girly and... Oh god, I'm ashamed... I have to wear those fucking pink pants. This is so fucking unfair. Fuck.”
Okay. Just because their manager had decided that all three of them would join a few other groups to parody Girl's Generation's Gee in a live performance, which was a mass destruction weapon when manliness was concerned, the leader was making quite a fuss, often flailing from one place to another, rambling about his hurt manliness and inner self. Jeez, it was supposed to be fun. Or at least, Nichkhun thought so. And Taecyeon probably did too. Jaebum was the only one ashamed, there.
It was true that Jaebum wasn't one to act especially girly but... it probably was why the manager chose him to do this. Because, seriously, no fangirl on this earth, or at least on this continent, liked manly celebrities. They liked girly boys. Why else would there be such a need for fanservice? 2PM was a relatively manly group, but still, they had to get “girlied up” a bit from time to time, to reassure the fangirls. And Jaebum needed more than anyone else to get “girlied up”.
“Why me!?”
But he didn't understand that, obviously. What a shame. That guy had so much potential. He had the face, the height... but hell did the attitude not fit. Luckily, he usually did what he was asked to on stage and complained afterward. What a mess it would be if he ever came to swear and act manly in front of the fans.
That would mark the end of 2PM. Without any doubt.
“Seriously, man. Why pink?” rambled Jaebum. “All the others had colors like blue, red, orange, yellow... Fuck, even Jokwon - that fag - had yellow pants. Did they think pink would have made him too girly!? Hell, that fag is the gay pride all in one person. As if yellow pants would make the difference.”
Nichkhun suppressed a smirk. Jokwon had understood the trick, what the fans really wanted. A girly man. But he kind of exaggerated a bit. Just a bit... From time to time. But still, at least, he didn't act manly.
“Even Sungmin had blue pants, can you imagine? Someone up there must hate me very much.”
Sungmin was more balanced. He acted cute, with his obsession of pink things and his irresistible pouts - even though they weren't as perfect as Nichkhun's. He still managed to look sane through it all. The fans loved it. No exaggeration, it never looked forced, he did it just right. It looked natural. A bit too natural, actually. Nichkhun didn't really want to imagine why.
“You know what?” Jaebum went on. “My only consolation is that you wore purple pants.”
Nichkhun frowned and pouted. What was wrong with his purple pants? Purple was a cool color. Hadn't it been the fashionable color of last summer? Purple was pretty! Who was Jaebum to say purple wasn't? Since when that man had become a fashion specialist? Pfft.
But, of course, Jaebum shamelessly ignored his bandmate's pout. He still had to complain, he couldn't afford to get distracted by Nichkhun's mass destruction cuteness.
“But still, pink is definitely worse than purple. The worst of all. And I had to wear it! Even SNSD had blue jeans, damn it!”
Jaebum chose that very moment to slide off the couch, probably aiming for a casual look, but failing as he stumbled over his own foot, flailed a bit and kept himself from falling flat on the floor by grabbing the edge of the nearest counter at the very last moment. There were a few silent seconds before he quickly straightened up, coughing in a way that said 'you didn't see anything', and looked around the room as if nothing happened.
It took all of Nichkhun's might not to laugh, knowing what could happen when his leader's pride was hurt. He was wise enough to remain silent. Taecyeon, however, chose that very moment to show that he was still there, alive and as naive as always. “Naive” being the nice way to say “stupid”, that is.
He chuckled. Very shortly, very lightly. But he chuckled. And it was a very, very bad idea when around Jaebum. Especially when about Jaebum. The glare he received clearly said 'You're lucky you're taller than I am.”
Nichkhun, knowing that the height issue wouldn't matter if Taecyeon added anything else, tried to come back to the original topic.
“Well,” he started. “SNSD's jeans were very tight, you know.”
“Pfft. As if ours weren't.” Jaebum snorted, instantly forgetting the 'chuckling Taecyeon' issue.
“And their T-shirts were very short. You know, showing their stomach.”
“Pfft.” Jaebum snorted again. “If I had had a chance to show my abs, maybe I would have felt manlier.”
Yeah. Because everyone knows that a shirtless man in pink pants is the best display of manliness ever seen. That was common knowledge.
“And WHY THE HELL did Eunhyuk rap!?”
And there, Nichkhun had thought they had exhausted the subject. Ha. How naïve.
“Seriously, I'm a rapper too! Why did that fag get to rap and not me?? I'm way manlier than he will ever dream to be and I had to sing like a girl! No one added a rap part for me! No one.”
Neither of Nichkhun or Taecyeon dared to tell him his rapping experience was written all over his attempt at “girly singing”. It probably wouldn't have helped his ego. But telling him he really succeeded in singing in a girly way really wouldn't have helped either. Remaining silent was the best option. The safest, for sure.
“Not to mention that Eunhyuk had those blue-green-I-don't-know pants.”
“It was aqua.” Nichkhun couldn't help but say.
“Whatever with that gay complicated-color-names stuff. Pink remains worse. Especially since he had a cool hat. He rapped, with a cool hat. With who did he sleep to get all that, man?”
Nichkhun and Taecyeon rolled their eyes. But remained silent. Of course.
“Damn it! Eunhyuk is so much more effeminate than I could ever be! I should rap! I should have a cool hat! ...Or no, wait, what I am I saying? I should be anywhere as long as it isn't on a stage in pink pants with eight fags.”
His two listeners didn't feel hurt. They were used to it. Everyone was a fag when it came to Jaebum.
“This is unfair.”
And this last statement was said so much more softly than all the others of the past few minutes, that Nichkhun knew, or at least hoped, they had reached the end of the soliloquy. If they were lucky, Jaebum would find something else to do or, at least, someone else to bother.
It really wasn't the time to mention the pout that was, certainly unconsciously, forming on the other's face. With his arms crossed and the frown that came with it, he seriously looked like a child whose toy had been taken away. He looked cute.
But, really, that wasn't something to tell him. Seriously.
“Awww, look, Jaebum's pouting.”
Nichkhun and even Taecyeon froze, first looking at each other, before turning their heads towards the now open door. Unfortunately for Yesung, who was standing right there, with the door handle in his hand and a dumb smile on his face, Jaebum had turned his head too. And was now glaring at him.
Yesung got it. A bit late, but he got it. And he ran. Jaebum on his heels.
Nichkhun and Taecyeon didn't see Jaebum until an hour after that and, even though they felt bad for Yesung, they couldn't help but enjoy their short leaderless time.