what the crap

[missbrooks]

OK, have i said how much long distance relationships suck? yeah? well i'll say it again, THEY SUCK!!!! I am so annoyed right now, and annoyed at myself for being annoyed and being a girl and getting annoyed. I dont understand him AT ALL. Like we are having the worst communication issues right now, and the girl part of me says he's being a bastard and the rational thinking part of me says to stop freaking out. last nite he was in the weirdest mood, talking all stupid and weird on msn, and i was partly in a bad mood b/c i was trying to write a paper and i couldnt write it how i wanted. so that wasn't helping. so we pretty much ended badly. so before i go to bed i write him a note saying i'm sorry i was in a bad mood, explaining why, blah blah blah. anyway, i check his email this morning (yeah we check each other's email sometimes), cuz i wanted to see how a couple of his friends are doing who he emails, and he has READ MY EMAILS!!!! AND HE DIDNT RESPOND!!! Am i not cool enough to respond to, did he not have enough time? the least he could do was reply and say it's ok. So that means he got on msn and didnt even leave me a note. so the girl part of me is freaking out and thinking great he's mad at me, wouldnt even respond to the email. and the rational part of me is thinking charity just calm down, maybe he didnt have enough time to email you back, or maybe he'll do it later. but right now i'm listening to the girl in me and being pissed, b/c you'd think that your boyfriend that you never see would at least say something to make you not feel like an ass after you've apologized and everything. i hate it. and i hate the fact that i'm borderline crying at work b/c it makes me so sad. i really suck as a girlfriend. why are things weird with us. if i could i would just leave now for melbourne so i would know for sure what's goin on cuz this is making me so upset. something is different, and i dont know what it is, but i give up. i dont know. i dont care. argh yes i do care. my stomach hurts.

...i want to go to a place where i know nothing and everything...a place in between here and nowhere...