Hold me tight, be the one I need.

[missbouvierx]

 It's funny how I could be so incredibly happy with my relationship one minute because it was finally getting back on track. But I should have known something was going to go wrong. It always does. Maybe it's karma biting me in the ass for all of the times I fucked someone over. Who knows? I was happy. I finally moved on from and fell out of love with someone I never thought I would get over. I found someone so much better for me. I found someone I could just connect and be myself with. And now he's gone. The only fair thing about this situation is that he warned me he was leaving. But that's not good enough. I can't fight for him. And I want to, so badly. I can't fight for him because I would be fighting for nothing. He won't be here to fight for. So what is the point? I thought we could make this work but I'm sitting here with no solutions. I'm stuck. All I want to do now is just sit here and cry until there's nothing left. It's stupid, really. My heart literally hurts. I thought I was past this, I thought I was past the endless amount of nights where I cry myself to sleep because I'm lost in emotional shock. Listen to me. I sound pathetic. I just don't care, though. If you knew me, you'd know that the only time when I was genuinely happy after that whole 'ordeal' were when I was talking to Jonah. I mean, others contributed but it was him. It was with him that I stayed up all night, talking about whatever. Kirsten is my friend. My best friend. I can talk to her about everything, even more than I could with Jonah, but we all know that it isn't the same as much as we love our best friends. It's completely different with the people we're in love with, you know? I'm tired of looking for someone else to replace the ones from before. I'm tired of looking for comfort in another's arms when all I want is to do is be with one person. I want Jonah. No one else. But I guess the fact that I can no longer have him is a concept I'll have to teach myself to grasp. So, here we go again...

I'll be okay. I'll survive. I'll move on. But only because I have no other options...