Mallory's Pop Culture Roundup

[missbingley]

Mallory's Pop Culture Roundup is a new feature that I'm bringing to you kind people, where I read magazines and watch TV for you so that you won't have to. You can thank me later.

Allure

Cover Model: Jessica Simpson.
Initial Thoughts: "Ew, why does Heidi Klum look so ugly? Oh, ew. Ew. Jessica Simpson on the cover of my magazine. Ew."

Comments

[razzberryberet]

You are hysterical and cheer me up every day.

We should start a magazine where the sole point is to make fun of vapid beauty and fashion magazines. I mean, where would women be if we didn't have the Cosmo Sutra?!

What I love about Cosmo is that it's editorial has not changed from the day it hit the newsstands. We are lead to believe that there have been different editors over the years but I still have these hilarious images of Helen Gurley Brown wandering around the offices in a Barbie-pink suit, running her pruney leather hands over all facets of the content and creeping out the people who work there with her bulging, crazed eyes (the result of too many face-stretchings) about how The Time Has Come To Embrace Your Sexuality (But Only For the Benefit of Other Men).

And you know when she dies her ghost (if you can refrain from calling her that now) is going to do the same thing, forever haunting the Cosmo offices.

I've always preferred Bazaar to Vogue, mostly because I really just hate Anna Wintour.

We inexplicably got a free issue of Jane sent to the KLSU offices this week. Maybe I'll write a rundown of it for my own LJ. Seriously - Jane is like a hysterical bag lady in paper form. How can you not make fun of the gooey neurotic mess we call Jane Pratt and her fascinatingly clueless magazine?

[missbingley]

Oh, you're darling.

If we get funding for this magazine, we should SO do it. Imagine how brill it would be?

but I still have these hilarious images of Helen Gurley Brown wandering around the offices in a Barbie-pink suit, running her pruney leather hands over all facets of the content and creeping out the people who work there with her bulging, crazed eyes (the result of too many face-stretchings) about how The Time Has Come To Embrace Your Sexuality (But Only For the Benefit of Other Men).

Hahahahhahaa. Ohmigod, too funny. I always think of this SNL skit when HGB is mentioned. Too funny. "For lunch today, I had a scallop and a packet of Sweet & Low. It was decadent." Hehe.

Jane really is the bag lady of the magazine industry. A bag lady with a nasty smack problem. I can just see Jane "Starfucker" Pratt running around the office, crying, when Renee Zellweger refuses to pose on the cover of the magazine, downing an antidepressant cocktail, and calming down enough to write an editor's letter about how she used to diddle Michael Stipe. I bet she has a knockoff Louis Vuitton, too.

[edda]

Go here and click on "archives/search". Scroll down, third from the bottom. Click on "10 Things To Hate About Jane". Savor the loathing.

[missbingley]

Brill.

Just...brill.

[rexmanning]

Mallory, Jane Pratt would never carry a knockoff Louis. I mean, she might have on in the back of her closet that she fondles during those lonely nights, but she is far too "hip" and "edgy" to be seen with LV. She probably has some bag made from human hair designed by Vincent Gallo.

I LOOOVE that skit! Rachel Dratch's head on a skeleton as Ally McBeal, and HGB (in a very Shape Issue comment) saying that her magazine for all kinds of women, "thin women, svelte women, slender women, skinny women, tall women, lithe women"

[missbingley]

That skit is awesome. I love when HGB says, "I read architectural magazines. It doesn't make me want to be a building." Brilliant.

I don't know about Jane Pratt, I saw her with a Burberry umbrella once.