LJ Idol Week 4 Entry
His subconscious mind was more than ready to tell him that he did not belong here. His eyes fixated on the computer screen in front of him and his hand on the keyboard, he was waiting for the starting signal.
Just some weeks ago, he would have laughed loudly and a little bitterly even at those suggesting he could be in a place like this, wearing a club shirt, being a part of this small, yet strong group of people who competed against others using their fingers, keyboard, eyes and all the skills they had.
It was after he returned home one evening, he could still remember that it was a Monday. Li, his girlfriend, attempted to have a serious talk with him and this time she did not sound as discouraged as she usually did. Usually he was too tired to talk, and besides, everything he could have talked about would have been Ages of Doom, or Ultimate Fantasy and other online games he could not even name anymore and he did not really care. In the end, it did not really matter.
All he ever had to do was what scavenge through the wide landscapes of the different games, defeat enemies, collect items, complete any quests that he could find. Unlike the many thousands and ten thousands of players with him on the server, he did not feel any joy. His fingers and hands had memorized each and every movement he needed to make on the old and worn out keyboard and his brain contained a map of all the areas where the biggest treasures were to be found.
“You must do more!” Mr. Wu, the boss exclaimed each time he passed his desk. That was what he snarled when his mood was above average (somewhere between annoyed and enraged, if regarded in “Mr. Wu Terms”. “Han, you lazy piece of flesh, hurry or I’ll set some fire to you slow butt!” Those were common sentences he heard but never reacted to. He just did what he had to do as part of his job and elaborate conversation with Mr. Wu was not a part of that.
“You can do better.” Li was worried. A little part of him secretly hoped that she was worried, because that would mean she still loved him as she did in the beginning, when their relationship was new.
“Better than what?” He knew he sounded tired and aggravated. He did not want to take out his frustration out on her, but sometimes he could not help it. “I haven’t even finished school, I never really learned anything. I have no talents. Now you tell me I can become one of those people in a suit riding around the country in a shiny train, typing on stylish white laptops, making enough bucks to go on two cruises a year? No!”
Li shook her head. “As if you were one of those people in a suit. Use your skills. You are really quick and smart, I saw you. Remember on the day when I brought you lunch and Mr. Wu suggested I should leave immediately and not build up my little shabby picnic here? I saw your fingers flying over the keyboard and when I caught a glimpse at the screen I saw how fast your character was moving. Much faster than those of the other players. Make something of it, will you? Han?”
Han
By then I had collapsed and fallen asleep over my food. Luckily, my face landed beside the table.
On that Monday, it was the next after our talk, I came home to find a flyer on the table. “Play with us. Win for us.” The big letters, white on dark blue ground seemed to announce a casting for a new member of a gaming squad. Hashtag eSports. I hesitated. I did not need a second Mr. Wu. And I needed money.
The next day, the change and decision came more quickly than I had anticipated.
“1000 Coins an hour?? Are you kidding me? You are costing me more than you are worth!!” Sprinkles of Mr. Wu’s saliva landed on my neck as he shouted himself breathless behind me and they seemed to burn like lava on my bare skin.
Then I felt another fluid, this time on my hair. It was hot, so hot it really burned like fire, down to my scalp. Mr. Wu poured his hot black coffee over my head.
Something inside me, no matter how small that part was, got up from the shabby office chair, wiped the face clean, grabbed my jacket and went for the door on my very own legs.
“What are you DOING??? You are NOT done!!!”
Mr. Wu’s shouting faded away as I left the building. The last droplets of coffee ran down my neck into my shirt, but I was walking on. Walking to the address I had seen on the flyer. The flyer I threw away this morning because I thought I would never make it anyway.
The hall was gloomy and smelled of fresh glue. Equipped with a name tag I set down in front of a flat and brilliant screen and a shiny white keyboard (Remember, Lin, the shiny white keyboard?).
And when the starting signal came, I played the game they had briefly explained to me. Others did not exist in that moment. It was just me and my character, my hands, my mind. I was not Han, a part of me still was, but in that moment I was absorbed. I never knew I even had this feeling in me. Ambition.
Then someone put a hand on my shoulder. I shuddered a little as I expected more coffee, spikes or a hot iron.
“Sign up with us, will you?” I turned around. There were others and they were smiling at me.
The next time I sat behind one of those screens, people were applauding, shouting, celebrating. Lin’s eyes seemed to glisten when our team received a big golden bowl.
Just some weeks ago, he would have laughed loudly and a little bitterly even at those suggesting he could be in a place like this, wearing a club shirt, being a part of this small, yet strong group of people who competed against others using their fingers, keyboard, eyes and all the skills they had.
It was after he returned home one evening, he could still remember that it was a Monday. Li, his girlfriend, attempted to have a serious talk with him and this time she did not sound as discouraged as she usually did. Usually he was too tired to talk, and besides, everything he could have talked about would have been Ages of Doom, or Ultimate Fantasy and other online games he could not even name anymore and he did not really care. In the end, it did not really matter.
All he ever had to do was what scavenge through the wide landscapes of the different games, defeat enemies, collect items, complete any quests that he could find. Unlike the many thousands and ten thousands of players with him on the server, he did not feel any joy. His fingers and hands had memorized each and every movement he needed to make on the old and worn out keyboard and his brain contained a map of all the areas where the biggest treasures were to be found.
“You must do more!” Mr. Wu, the boss exclaimed each time he passed his desk. That was what he snarled when his mood was above average (somewhere between annoyed and enraged, if regarded in “Mr. Wu Terms”. “Han, you lazy piece of flesh, hurry or I’ll set some fire to you slow butt!” Those were common sentences he heard but never reacted to. He just did what he had to do as part of his job and elaborate conversation with Mr. Wu was not a part of that.
“You can do better.” Li was worried. A little part of him secretly hoped that she was worried, because that would mean she still loved him as she did in the beginning, when their relationship was new.
“Better than what?” He knew he sounded tired and aggravated. He did not want to take out his frustration out on her, but sometimes he could not help it. “I haven’t even finished school, I never really learned anything. I have no talents. Now you tell me I can become one of those people in a suit riding around the country in a shiny train, typing on stylish white laptops, making enough bucks to go on two cruises a year? No!”
Li shook her head. “As if you were one of those people in a suit. Use your skills. You are really quick and smart, I saw you. Remember on the day when I brought you lunch and Mr. Wu suggested I should leave immediately and not build up my little shabby picnic here? I saw your fingers flying over the keyboard and when I caught a glimpse at the screen I saw how fast your character was moving. Much faster than those of the other players. Make something of it, will you? Han?”
Han
By then I had collapsed and fallen asleep over my food. Luckily, my face landed beside the table.
On that Monday, it was the next after our talk, I came home to find a flyer on the table. “Play with us. Win for us.” The big letters, white on dark blue ground seemed to announce a casting for a new member of a gaming squad. Hashtag eSports. I hesitated. I did not need a second Mr. Wu. And I needed money.
The next day, the change and decision came more quickly than I had anticipated.
“1000 Coins an hour?? Are you kidding me? You are costing me more than you are worth!!” Sprinkles of Mr. Wu’s saliva landed on my neck as he shouted himself breathless behind me and they seemed to burn like lava on my bare skin.
Then I felt another fluid, this time on my hair. It was hot, so hot it really burned like fire, down to my scalp. Mr. Wu poured his hot black coffee over my head.
Something inside me, no matter how small that part was, got up from the shabby office chair, wiped the face clean, grabbed my jacket and went for the door on my very own legs.
“What are you DOING??? You are NOT done!!!”
Mr. Wu’s shouting faded away as I left the building. The last droplets of coffee ran down my neck into my shirt, but I was walking on. Walking to the address I had seen on the flyer. The flyer I threw away this morning because I thought I would never make it anyway.
The hall was gloomy and smelled of fresh glue. Equipped with a name tag I set down in front of a flat and brilliant screen and a shiny white keyboard (Remember, Lin, the shiny white keyboard?).
And when the starting signal came, I played the game they had briefly explained to me. Others did not exist in that moment. It was just me and my character, my hands, my mind. I was not Han, a part of me still was, but in that moment I was absorbed. I never knew I even had this feeling in me. Ambition.
Then someone put a hand on my shoulder. I shuddered a little as I expected more coffee, spikes or a hot iron.
“Sign up with us, will you?” I turned around. There were others and they were smiling at me.
The next time I sat behind one of those screens, people were applauding, shouting, celebrating. Lin’s eyes seemed to glisten when our team received a big golden bowl.