Charles/Laura fic, 'Even If It's a Lie' (complete)
Story notes: This story was written for the fate_and_time song challenge (as well as for the comm's first ever challenge "Get Laura to the 21st century", though maybe not in the way you would expect), and is set before the scene where Charles tells Kristen about Laura.
The song I chose is “I Shall Believe” by Sheryl Crow. (I've provided the embed vid at the top of the story for those who might not be familiar with that particular tune)
I want to say a heartfelt thank you to tayryn for beta reading for me. I truly appreciate it, girl.
It begins...
The river was flowing swiftly tonight, the shallow water undulating and cresting over rocks and pebbles. For Charles, the rushing sound was at once soothing and painful, carrying memories that made him ache inside. Closing his eyes, he could almost believe that he was back there again, in the place he had been unknowingly searching for.
But he wasn’t.
Furthermore, he would never see that place again.
Sitting on the grass, his arms draped loosely over his bent knees, he bowed his head and cursed himself for the thousandth time that day.
Dammit.
If only she were here. If only he could apologize to her and explain.
Get real, Charlie.
It was impossible. He had smashed the watch, would never see her again. What’s done is done, he said to himself, his heart clenching painfully within the confines of his chest.
Regret. He was literally drowning in it.
And I can’t fix a damned thing.
♪♫ Come to me now and lay your hands over me. Even if it's a lie, say it will be alright, and I shall believe. ♪♫
Sitting there, eyes shut in turmoil, Charles tried to envision her as she had been before that fateful moment. He failed however, saw nothing but heartbreak, her sea-green eyes swimming in tears. But then, drawing a slow breath, he retreated further into his mind, conjuring a foolish fantasy, the kind of do-over he would never get in real life.
He thought of Laura and saw her in his mind’s eye.
She was standing next to the flower bed he had planted earlier that afternoon. Her hands were linked behind her back, her head tilted to the side. As for her face… Her expression was neutral at first, as though she was simply pondering him. But then, as her feet started carrying her closer and closer, her lips curved into a small, albeit sad, smile.
“Long day?” she asked, lowering herself to the grass.
Having an imaginary conversation in his head was pretty pathetic, he knew. But he couldn’t help it, reckoned imaginary closure was better than none at all.
“You could say that,” Charles answered silently.
He met her eyes just then, and found them to be sympathetic. Something I don’t deserve, he thought, but decided to go along with it.
Time stood still for a few moments and his fingers sought a pebble near his right foot. After tossing it in the river, a sigh left his lungs. “I sure made a mess, didn’t I?”
“You did.” Though matter-of-factly, Laura’s reply wasn’t sharp. Her gaze was directed at the water, her voice low when she said, “But then again, the universe had horrible timing.”
At this, Charles couldn’t help a wry chuckle. “Yeah.”
“Tell me… if you could do things differently.” She looked at him. “Would you?”
“Definitely.”
♪♫ Never again would I turn away from you. I'm so heavy tonight, but your love is alright. And I do believe. ♪♫
“How so?” Laura prodded.
The answer came easily enough. “To start, I wouldn’t have left you like that.”
For a few seconds, the look on her face said, “I wish you hadn’t left either.” But then she spoke. “You couldn’t stay.”
The words weren’t spiteful, rather they were… resigned.
She was right.
“I couldn’t,” he agreed, recalling his marriage and how unresolved it had been at the time. “But I regret not telling you earlier. I should have been honest from the start.”
“Do you think that would have made a difference between us?”
“Honestly?” Charles had to think about it for a few moments. “I don’t know.”
Telling her from the get go would have saved her from a world of hurt. Of that, he had no doubt. But as far as changing things… they wouldn’t have been able to be together, not with his marriage lingering in the equation. “Wanna know what I regret most?”
Laura said nothing and he took her silence as permission to continue.
“It’s that I didn’t face my problems head on. Kristen and I… it had been over for a long time. We just kept ignoring it, until today if you can believe that.” A cruel irony considering he had already shattered the watch, his key to the past. “If we hadn’t? Well,” His gaze fell to his feet. “Maybe things would have been different between you and me.”
A heavy silence fell after this, and they simply sat there. Finally, as the sun finally disappeared beyond the horizon, Laura brought a hand to his shoulder, her voice barely audible when she asked. “Do you regret stepping off that train?”
♪♫ Open the door and show me your face tonight. I know it's true, no one heals me like you. And you hold the key. ♪♫
“No.” The word rolled off his tongue without pause or forethought. But then, seeking her eyes, Charles elaborated, hoping she would understand. “I mean, I regret the pain I’ve caused, but meeting you? Never. God, just seeing you for the first time… It kinda devastated me, you know? It was like you literally came out of a dream and I couldn’t let go of that. I didn’t want to.”
♪♫ But I do believe. That not everything is gonna be the way you think it ought to be. It seems like every time I try to make it right, it all comes down on me. Please say honestly you won't give up on me. And I shall believe. ♪♫
Needing to get everything off of his chest, Charles continued, “Seeing the hurt on your face...” The sentence trailed for a few seconds, his thoughts taking him back to 1896, to that spot near the river and the moment he had shattered her hopes for them. “It damned near killed me, Laura.”
The low rumble of a distant jet liner suddenly filled the skies, cementing the notion that this was in fact the 21st century.
“Please believe me when I say, I never meant to hurt you.” Faced with her silence, he kept on going, his gaze firmly rooted onto hers. “When I went to see you that last time, I wanted to set things right and tell you why I couldn’t be with you the way you wanted. But when you smiled at me, when I saw the look in your eyes that said I was worth something to you…” His voice dropped to a whisper. “I lost myself in all of it, in you. It was selfish of me.”
“A little,” Laura agreed, a sad smile pulling at the corner of her mouth. Having nothing to add however, she simply looked out at the water again.
Recognizing this to be the end of their imaginary conversation, Charles felt his throat tighten. “I miss you Laura. I miss you and… I’m sorry.”
His confession was followed by a long pause. Then, as the breeze stirred the leaves overhead, the woman he loved-or at least this imaginary version of her-turned and kissed his mouth.
It was a tender kiss, a soft press of lips filled with agonizing melancholy.
They were saying goodbye. Or rather, he was saying goodbye.
Granted, it was a messed up way of finding closure, but it would have to do.
After a time, Charles willed himself into the here and now, not an easy thing to do considering.
Oblivious to everything except the dull ache in his soul, he sat with his head in his hands.
♪♫ Please say honestly you won't give up on me. And I shall believe. ♪♫
Laura was in another time, completely out of reach.
A picture in a book… That was all he had left of her.
He had to accept that.
And yet, even as he acknowledged this, a tiny part of him couldn’t help but hope to see her again someday. Maybe… The thought wasn’t worth finishing. Laura had made it clear that she never wanted to see him again
He was going to have to make peace with this and move on, even if moving on meant finding a new job and dealing with his separation from Kristen.
It was a small mercy that they still cared about each other. Like she had said just a few hours ago, they’d had a good run.
Rising to his feet, Charles started toward the house and thought about his wife. His trip back in time, his meeting with Laura... he felt it was important to tell her. Whether she believed him or not, Kris deserved to know the truth.
I owe her that much.
Crossing the yard, he reached the stone terrace and made for the table onto which he had placed the book containing Laura’s picture.
If he was to explain everything to Kristen, Charles reckoned it would be best to show her. Oh, it was likely she would think he was crazy. After all, this entire thing was beyond farfetched.
Nevertheless, telling her was the right thing to do.
As the breeze rustled his hair, he lingered for a few moments, then gave in. Flipping the pages, he found Laura’s photograph and swallowed hard. She was gone now, a part of history. Grazing the side of her face with his index finger, Charles fought the sting of tears, whispering words meant only for her, “You were really beautiful…”
The song I chose is “I Shall Believe” by Sheryl Crow. (I've provided the embed vid at the top of the story for those who might not be familiar with that particular tune)
I want to say a heartfelt thank you to tayryn for beta reading for me. I truly appreciate it, girl.
It begins...
Click to viewThe river was flowing swiftly tonight, the shallow water undulating and cresting over rocks and pebbles. For Charles, the rushing sound was at once soothing and painful, carrying memories that made him ache inside. Closing his eyes, he could almost believe that he was back there again, in the place he had been unknowingly searching for.
But he wasn’t.
Furthermore, he would never see that place again.
Sitting on the grass, his arms draped loosely over his bent knees, he bowed his head and cursed himself for the thousandth time that day.
Dammit.
If only she were here. If only he could apologize to her and explain.
Get real, Charlie.
It was impossible. He had smashed the watch, would never see her again. What’s done is done, he said to himself, his heart clenching painfully within the confines of his chest.
Regret. He was literally drowning in it.
And I can’t fix a damned thing.
♪♫ Come to me now and lay your hands over me. Even if it's a lie, say it will be alright, and I shall believe. ♪♫
Sitting there, eyes shut in turmoil, Charles tried to envision her as she had been before that fateful moment. He failed however, saw nothing but heartbreak, her sea-green eyes swimming in tears. But then, drawing a slow breath, he retreated further into his mind, conjuring a foolish fantasy, the kind of do-over he would never get in real life.
He thought of Laura and saw her in his mind’s eye.
She was standing next to the flower bed he had planted earlier that afternoon. Her hands were linked behind her back, her head tilted to the side. As for her face… Her expression was neutral at first, as though she was simply pondering him. But then, as her feet started carrying her closer and closer, her lips curved into a small, albeit sad, smile.
“Long day?” she asked, lowering herself to the grass.
Having an imaginary conversation in his head was pretty pathetic, he knew. But he couldn’t help it, reckoned imaginary closure was better than none at all.
“You could say that,” Charles answered silently.
He met her eyes just then, and found them to be sympathetic. Something I don’t deserve, he thought, but decided to go along with it.
Time stood still for a few moments and his fingers sought a pebble near his right foot. After tossing it in the river, a sigh left his lungs. “I sure made a mess, didn’t I?”
“You did.” Though matter-of-factly, Laura’s reply wasn’t sharp. Her gaze was directed at the water, her voice low when she said, “But then again, the universe had horrible timing.”
At this, Charles couldn’t help a wry chuckle. “Yeah.”
“Tell me… if you could do things differently.” She looked at him. “Would you?”
“Definitely.”
♪♫ Never again would I turn away from you. I'm so heavy tonight, but your love is alright. And I do believe. ♪♫
“How so?” Laura prodded.
The answer came easily enough. “To start, I wouldn’t have left you like that.”
For a few seconds, the look on her face said, “I wish you hadn’t left either.” But then she spoke. “You couldn’t stay.”
The words weren’t spiteful, rather they were… resigned.
She was right.
“I couldn’t,” he agreed, recalling his marriage and how unresolved it had been at the time. “But I regret not telling you earlier. I should have been honest from the start.”
“Do you think that would have made a difference between us?”
“Honestly?” Charles had to think about it for a few moments. “I don’t know.”
Telling her from the get go would have saved her from a world of hurt. Of that, he had no doubt. But as far as changing things… they wouldn’t have been able to be together, not with his marriage lingering in the equation. “Wanna know what I regret most?”
Laura said nothing and he took her silence as permission to continue.
“It’s that I didn’t face my problems head on. Kristen and I… it had been over for a long time. We just kept ignoring it, until today if you can believe that.” A cruel irony considering he had already shattered the watch, his key to the past. “If we hadn’t? Well,” His gaze fell to his feet. “Maybe things would have been different between you and me.”
A heavy silence fell after this, and they simply sat there. Finally, as the sun finally disappeared beyond the horizon, Laura brought a hand to his shoulder, her voice barely audible when she asked. “Do you regret stepping off that train?”
♪♫ Open the door and show me your face tonight. I know it's true, no one heals me like you. And you hold the key. ♪♫
“No.” The word rolled off his tongue without pause or forethought. But then, seeking her eyes, Charles elaborated, hoping she would understand. “I mean, I regret the pain I’ve caused, but meeting you? Never. God, just seeing you for the first time… It kinda devastated me, you know? It was like you literally came out of a dream and I couldn’t let go of that. I didn’t want to.”
♪♫ But I do believe. That not everything is gonna be the way you think it ought to be. It seems like every time I try to make it right, it all comes down on me. Please say honestly you won't give up on me. And I shall believe. ♪♫
Needing to get everything off of his chest, Charles continued, “Seeing the hurt on your face...” The sentence trailed for a few seconds, his thoughts taking him back to 1896, to that spot near the river and the moment he had shattered her hopes for them. “It damned near killed me, Laura.”
The low rumble of a distant jet liner suddenly filled the skies, cementing the notion that this was in fact the 21st century.
“Please believe me when I say, I never meant to hurt you.” Faced with her silence, he kept on going, his gaze firmly rooted onto hers. “When I went to see you that last time, I wanted to set things right and tell you why I couldn’t be with you the way you wanted. But when you smiled at me, when I saw the look in your eyes that said I was worth something to you…” His voice dropped to a whisper. “I lost myself in all of it, in you. It was selfish of me.”
“A little,” Laura agreed, a sad smile pulling at the corner of her mouth. Having nothing to add however, she simply looked out at the water again.
Recognizing this to be the end of their imaginary conversation, Charles felt his throat tighten. “I miss you Laura. I miss you and… I’m sorry.”
His confession was followed by a long pause. Then, as the breeze stirred the leaves overhead, the woman he loved-or at least this imaginary version of her-turned and kissed his mouth.
It was a tender kiss, a soft press of lips filled with agonizing melancholy.
They were saying goodbye. Or rather, he was saying goodbye.
Granted, it was a messed up way of finding closure, but it would have to do.
After a time, Charles willed himself into the here and now, not an easy thing to do considering.
Oblivious to everything except the dull ache in his soul, he sat with his head in his hands.
♪♫ Please say honestly you won't give up on me. And I shall believe. ♪♫
Laura was in another time, completely out of reach.
A picture in a book… That was all he had left of her.
He had to accept that.
And yet, even as he acknowledged this, a tiny part of him couldn’t help but hope to see her again someday. Maybe… The thought wasn’t worth finishing. Laura had made it clear that she never wanted to see him again
He was going to have to make peace with this and move on, even if moving on meant finding a new job and dealing with his separation from Kristen.
It was a small mercy that they still cared about each other. Like she had said just a few hours ago, they’d had a good run.
Rising to his feet, Charles started toward the house and thought about his wife. His trip back in time, his meeting with Laura... he felt it was important to tell her. Whether she believed him or not, Kris deserved to know the truth.
I owe her that much.
Crossing the yard, he reached the stone terrace and made for the table onto which he had placed the book containing Laura’s picture.
If he was to explain everything to Kristen, Charles reckoned it would be best to show her. Oh, it was likely she would think he was crazy. After all, this entire thing was beyond farfetched.
Nevertheless, telling her was the right thing to do.
As the breeze rustled his hair, he lingered for a few moments, then gave in. Flipping the pages, he found Laura’s photograph and swallowed hard. She was gone now, a part of history. Grazing the side of her face with his index finger, Charles fought the sting of tears, whispering words meant only for her, “You were really beautiful…”