Relationship change
Several years ago, I vented a big problem in my relationship with my then boyfriend. After getting much advice, and after he logged in LiveJournal as me and read that post, I tried to work on it with him and when it was clear that he couldn't work on it, I gave up. I thought that maybe it was all me and that my expectations were just too great. Three and a half years into that relationship and I knew I was done. I had moved to the other side of the bay in September and that distance had confirmed something for me: I was not a priority in his life. Our trip to New Orleans sealed the deal; I was through.
I was afraid of being single for the first time in California. After we broke up, I started having panic attacks. I felt so alone in California and now being single wasn't going to make it easier. I turned to a friend for support. He had just gotten out of an eight year relationship with his fiance the Tuesday before I became single. Prior, he and I would spend hours talking about our respective partners and what they lacked. We bonded on our own similarities and how similar our relationships were. It was uncanny how much we had in common. The night he became single, he came over to my apartment. We sat around and talked and the same on the night I became single. As the following week progressed, we spent every evening together. We decided to go to Vegas the next week to decompress from all the drama.
Eight days after becoming single, I found myself lying in bed in his arms and my mind completely blown. He was telling me that he doesn't want me to slip through his fingers yet doesn't want to impede upon my newly found freedom. I was shaking. He was telling me how he felt which completely matched exactly how I felt and how he wanted to wait until after Vegas to tell me these things but just couldn't wait. We agreed that it is fast and we agreed that we were jumping in and we agreed that it feels so incredibly right. We exchanged our first "I love you"s in New York last month. Dare I say that this relationship seems almost magical?
Yesterday was two months from that night. I'm madly in love with this guy and I'm so scared I'm going to fuck this up. There is an element to this relationship that feels like a first relationship and there is another component that feels this relationship is really grown up and serious. He makes me feel incredible and the way he looks at me makes me melt. I'm so scared that we are each others' rebound and this will end as quickly as it started. I guess being scared is healthy since this relationship is so important to me. I don't even like spending a night away from him. Waking up and seeing him next to me makes me feel incredibly lucky.
So, here I am: thirty-four years old and in another relationship. Only time will tell what our future will be. All I know is in two weeks, we are driving to Magic Mountain to ride some roller coasters. For the last two months, I've been having the time of my life.
I was afraid of being single for the first time in California. After we broke up, I started having panic attacks. I felt so alone in California and now being single wasn't going to make it easier. I turned to a friend for support. He had just gotten out of an eight year relationship with his fiance the Tuesday before I became single. Prior, he and I would spend hours talking about our respective partners and what they lacked. We bonded on our own similarities and how similar our relationships were. It was uncanny how much we had in common. The night he became single, he came over to my apartment. We sat around and talked and the same on the night I became single. As the following week progressed, we spent every evening together. We decided to go to Vegas the next week to decompress from all the drama.
Eight days after becoming single, I found myself lying in bed in his arms and my mind completely blown. He was telling me that he doesn't want me to slip through his fingers yet doesn't want to impede upon my newly found freedom. I was shaking. He was telling me how he felt which completely matched exactly how I felt and how he wanted to wait until after Vegas to tell me these things but just couldn't wait. We agreed that it is fast and we agreed that we were jumping in and we agreed that it feels so incredibly right. We exchanged our first "I love you"s in New York last month. Dare I say that this relationship seems almost magical?
Yesterday was two months from that night. I'm madly in love with this guy and I'm so scared I'm going to fuck this up. There is an element to this relationship that feels like a first relationship and there is another component that feels this relationship is really grown up and serious. He makes me feel incredible and the way he looks at me makes me melt. I'm so scared that we are each others' rebound and this will end as quickly as it started. I guess being scared is healthy since this relationship is so important to me. I don't even like spending a night away from him. Waking up and seeing him next to me makes me feel incredibly lucky.
So, here I am: thirty-four years old and in another relationship. Only time will tell what our future will be. All I know is in two weeks, we are driving to Magic Mountain to ride some roller coasters. For the last two months, I've been having the time of my life.