halloween
note that really isn't the subject here.
the subject is actually
once again trying just an open list more then letter that the ONE person who should read
won't ever read.
why bother?
on the off chance maybe he will
* we screwed up things, both of us
ok?
time to let it go.
now here's your options if you feel there is some misgiuded lingering guilt over how things have ended up.
a)say sorry, and we move forward
b) if you feel overly responsible for something FIX it.
or accept that things will just have to find a way to work, and we move forward
c)we can stay in this wierd vauge bizarre holding pattern we've been in
but i don't think thats working too well for me.
Since I would rather just go ok we fucked up life went on well or not, and this is now and
I no longer really care or hold blame and we could just start over as close to normal people as either of us will ever be.
if no other reason i am tired and don't want to lose anymore of my life, and all that other crap honestly doesn't matter or can be dealt with
*(this is a more general up for grabs thing)
i was talking to someone the other day when the question of "how do you tell someone one of thier best qualities is just being?"
as in just being there
as in thier presence, just sitting on a couch, bed, chair and reading or watching tv can make make a overly nervous jumpy person
really calm,
that they just have this ability to make things ok just being there.
(removed text)
who never got the concept
of just being there was all i really wanted.
and that isn't so hard is it?
just being someplace?
doing what ever was going to make you happy and being there?
that his presence just did make me calmer which is no small thing for someone as nervous and jumpy and axiety prone as i am
that i seemed to think better, had more cofidence
just made everything seem better.
and for that sense of peace i wasn't going to demand another damn thing.
whatever
*
and last but not least
(and megan given you're current feelinging in the universe you may want to skip this piece)
if money was just something i hod too much of an d could indulge in anything
i want to have someone that adores me, i adore back that gets that would
A) be amused by recieving this
http://www.neimanmarcus.com/store/sitelets/christmasbook/fantasy.jhtml?gift=1&spread=14&gid=917505&catalog=1&passback=&rfx_base=http%3A//neimansholiday.richfx.com.edgesuite.net/catalog_neimansholiday/holiday2004/&omni=1&catalog_base=http://www.neimanmarcus.com/store/sitelets/christmasbook/christmasbook.jhtml?&firstpage=14&PassBack=&catalog_name=holiday2004&catalog=1&o=1
or at least as amused getting it as i would be BUYING it.
or even just as amused about the cocept of i want to buy this as i am.
(see how pretend money can work for shear amusement or understanding percetions or how people feel about you/things)
and
B) gets that buying me this
http://www.neimanmarcus.com/store/sitelets/christmasbook/fantasy.jhtml?gift=11&spread=108&gid=7536642&catalog=1&passback=&rfx_base=http%3A//neimansholiday.richfx.com.edgesuite.net/catalog_neimansholiday/holiday2004/&omni=1&catalog_base=http://www.neimanmarcus.com/store/sitelets/christmasbook/christmasbook.jhtml?&firstpage=108&PassBack=&catalog_name=holiday2004&catalog=1&o=1
all hte way down to color
(or even just thinking that in a fantasy world) this is more what i should be getting then jewelry or what ever for that much or more.
yes in the way too much price range of the neiman marcus christmas book, i want someone who would just think the valentiono dress was the most perfect thing for just me.
(since you can't buy a vinyard)
though i admit they aslo had some killer gloves and this lepord print skirt and braclet length jacket that was just too cool for me to imagine, and i bet i could even look hot in when i finsih losing 10 more pounds.
oops, have to get ready for work.
& can i say for some odd reason i do not want to go to the dinner tonight?
the subject is actually
once again trying just an open list more then letter that the ONE person who should read
won't ever read.
why bother?
on the off chance maybe he will
* we screwed up things, both of us
ok?
time to let it go.
now here's your options if you feel there is some misgiuded lingering guilt over how things have ended up.
a)say sorry, and we move forward
b) if you feel overly responsible for something FIX it.
or accept that things will just have to find a way to work, and we move forward
c)we can stay in this wierd vauge bizarre holding pattern we've been in
but i don't think thats working too well for me.
Since I would rather just go ok we fucked up life went on well or not, and this is now and
I no longer really care or hold blame and we could just start over as close to normal people as either of us will ever be.
if no other reason i am tired and don't want to lose anymore of my life, and all that other crap honestly doesn't matter or can be dealt with
*(this is a more general up for grabs thing)
i was talking to someone the other day when the question of "how do you tell someone one of thier best qualities is just being?"
as in just being there
as in thier presence, just sitting on a couch, bed, chair and reading or watching tv can make make a overly nervous jumpy person
really calm,
that they just have this ability to make things ok just being there.
(removed text)
who never got the concept
of just being there was all i really wanted.
and that isn't so hard is it?
just being someplace?
doing what ever was going to make you happy and being there?
that his presence just did make me calmer which is no small thing for someone as nervous and jumpy and axiety prone as i am
that i seemed to think better, had more cofidence
just made everything seem better.
and for that sense of peace i wasn't going to demand another damn thing.
whatever
*
and last but not least
(and megan given you're current feelinging in the universe you may want to skip this piece)
if money was just something i hod too much of an d could indulge in anything
i want to have someone that adores me, i adore back that gets that would
A) be amused by recieving this
http://www.neimanmarcus.com/store/sitelets/christmasbook/fantasy.jhtml?gift=1&spread=14&gid=917505&catalog=1&passback=&rfx_base=http%3A//neimansholiday.richfx.com.edgesuite.net/catalog_neimansholiday/holiday2004/&omni=1&catalog_base=http://www.neimanmarcus.com/store/sitelets/christmasbook/christmasbook.jhtml?&firstpage=14&PassBack=&catalog_name=holiday2004&catalog=1&o=1
or at least as amused getting it as i would be BUYING it.
or even just as amused about the cocept of i want to buy this as i am.
(see how pretend money can work for shear amusement or understanding percetions or how people feel about you/things)
and
B) gets that buying me this
http://www.neimanmarcus.com/store/sitelets/christmasbook/fantasy.jhtml?gift=11&spread=108&gid=7536642&catalog=1&passback=&rfx_base=http%3A//neimansholiday.richfx.com.edgesuite.net/catalog_neimansholiday/holiday2004/&omni=1&catalog_base=http://www.neimanmarcus.com/store/sitelets/christmasbook/christmasbook.jhtml?&firstpage=108&PassBack=&catalog_name=holiday2004&catalog=1&o=1
all hte way down to color
(or even just thinking that in a fantasy world) this is more what i should be getting then jewelry or what ever for that much or more.
yes in the way too much price range of the neiman marcus christmas book, i want someone who would just think the valentiono dress was the most perfect thing for just me.
(since you can't buy a vinyard)
though i admit they aslo had some killer gloves and this lepord print skirt and braclet length jacket that was just too cool for me to imagine, and i bet i could even look hot in when i finsih losing 10 more pounds.
oops, have to get ready for work.
& can i say for some odd reason i do not want to go to the dinner tonight?