(no subject)
I feel a bit mopey at the moment. I am a bit annoyed at myself cause I have been looking forward to the holidays for ages, and I am enjoying them, but I seem to be wishing them away. We have a couple of things we are doing near the end of the hols and i keep wanting them to arrive, yet that will mean back to work!
That aside, I have loads to do and it always annoys me that I feel i can't do it in term time - I have a bazillion things to ebay, some curtains to fix, a load of stuff to take to the charity shop, some cleaning to do, a bath washer to fix, some chipped paint work to touch up etc etc
I feel like I am wasting the holiday. I have had a week and a half so far and I have done things, so I haven't wasted it all. I went to my sister's and practised doing her hair (I am doing it for her wedding) and we went to london for afternoon tea at the park lane hotel, I have hoovered the whole house, half tidied the bedroom, bought some holiday bits and bobs, organised what I am wearing to a wedding at the end of the holidays (I think I am as excited about my outfit as I am about the wedding! No not really, but I am looking forward to wearing my outfit). I have also played with my cats a lot, and sat with them a lot, which I don't normally get to do and it makes me feel happy (for some reason not being busy feels like a waste of time, but it isn't really, it is good for you). I have been to a veggie making workshop, and I have made cakes, and I have found a hairdresser and been backwards and forwards millions of times to get it sorted! And I haven't even had the appointment yet!
Yet I feel really miserable. I deleted a load of text messages from my phone this morning, and there were ones from people from when we were pregnant asking how it was going, there were also ones from people shortly after I MC'd saying how sorry they were. There were also ones from people saying how sorry they were, who are the same people who annoyed me at work in the last week, so that felt a bit bittersweet reading them. Anyway, they are all deleted now, but it still made me cry reading them.
I really thought I would be pg again by now. I was finding it all a bit easier, now I am finding it harder again. Since MC I have had longer periods, then this month I bought a clearblue fertility monitor and it told me I ovulated on day 15, so I expected a 30 day cycle, as I have been having, and I had a 26 day cycle, so my luteal phase (second half of the cycle) wasn't really long enough for the embryo to implant even if we had strictly speaking conceived. This made me very upset as i don't want my body to let us down. Reading around a bit shows that maybe all 3 of my post-MC cycles could have had a short luteal phase. In fact this cycle could be me getting back to normal a bit. Still I have bought agnus castus and vitamin b6 and b12 just in case. B12 is more cause maybe i need it as i restrict dairy, although someone told me it regulates progesterone. I can't find evidence for that though, but certainly agnus castus and B6 have a role in regulating progesterone, so maybe this will be our month!
I feel like I should feel happy. I have a whole 6 weeks off work, I have lots of fun stuff on. I have 2 beautiful kittens, I have just had a tattoo done, I am getting my hair sorted, it should all be good. I feel like I have everything I need pretty much. Just no baby, and not enough motivation to feel productive.
Anyway, talking of feeling productive I am going to take some cakes to the person who looks after my cats when we are away as a thank you.
That aside, I have loads to do and it always annoys me that I feel i can't do it in term time - I have a bazillion things to ebay, some curtains to fix, a load of stuff to take to the charity shop, some cleaning to do, a bath washer to fix, some chipped paint work to touch up etc etc
I feel like I am wasting the holiday. I have had a week and a half so far and I have done things, so I haven't wasted it all. I went to my sister's and practised doing her hair (I am doing it for her wedding) and we went to london for afternoon tea at the park lane hotel, I have hoovered the whole house, half tidied the bedroom, bought some holiday bits and bobs, organised what I am wearing to a wedding at the end of the holidays (I think I am as excited about my outfit as I am about the wedding! No not really, but I am looking forward to wearing my outfit). I have also played with my cats a lot, and sat with them a lot, which I don't normally get to do and it makes me feel happy (for some reason not being busy feels like a waste of time, but it isn't really, it is good for you). I have been to a veggie making workshop, and I have made cakes, and I have found a hairdresser and been backwards and forwards millions of times to get it sorted! And I haven't even had the appointment yet!
Yet I feel really miserable. I deleted a load of text messages from my phone this morning, and there were ones from people from when we were pregnant asking how it was going, there were also ones from people shortly after I MC'd saying how sorry they were. There were also ones from people saying how sorry they were, who are the same people who annoyed me at work in the last week, so that felt a bit bittersweet reading them. Anyway, they are all deleted now, but it still made me cry reading them.
I really thought I would be pg again by now. I was finding it all a bit easier, now I am finding it harder again. Since MC I have had longer periods, then this month I bought a clearblue fertility monitor and it told me I ovulated on day 15, so I expected a 30 day cycle, as I have been having, and I had a 26 day cycle, so my luteal phase (second half of the cycle) wasn't really long enough for the embryo to implant even if we had strictly speaking conceived. This made me very upset as i don't want my body to let us down. Reading around a bit shows that maybe all 3 of my post-MC cycles could have had a short luteal phase. In fact this cycle could be me getting back to normal a bit. Still I have bought agnus castus and vitamin b6 and b12 just in case. B12 is more cause maybe i need it as i restrict dairy, although someone told me it regulates progesterone. I can't find evidence for that though, but certainly agnus castus and B6 have a role in regulating progesterone, so maybe this will be our month!
I feel like I should feel happy. I have a whole 6 weeks off work, I have lots of fun stuff on. I have 2 beautiful kittens, I have just had a tattoo done, I am getting my hair sorted, it should all be good. I feel like I have everything I need pretty much. Just no baby, and not enough motivation to feel productive.
Anyway, talking of feeling productive I am going to take some cakes to the person who looks after my cats when we are away as a thank you.