Home is Where the Heart Is
What's better than fresh tomatoes from your own garden?! Really. I just ran outside to do some quick harvesting before they all end up on the ground. Came inside and made myself a little salad of just cherry tomatoes, red pepper, basil, mozzarella and some vinegar/oil. Delicious.
Now I'm sitting on the upstairs balcony with my bowl of amazing contemplating home. I should be working but alas I simply don't want to. So, back to contemplating home. Home IS where the heart is. After getting news of Shinji's death on Saturday my mind played ADD until I had to make the trek back home. The second I attempted to think anything about it the tears came so I just played tricks with it and stayed focused on anything BUT the death of my beautiful cat. The closer and closer I got to the house the more my chest hurt from trying to contain the barrage of sobs trying to beat their way out of me. We came inside and upon entering the kitchen there was a vase of lilies with a card and a bar of dark chocolate leaning against it with my name on it. I glanced at it but wasn't ready to look at it yet. I picked up Pazu and snuggled him for a minute, happy to see that he looked healthy. Peeked out the window of the kitchen to see that the boys had watered the garden and it still looked good. Then Tom, Ben's Dad, says "Amy did you see what we got you?". Shit. It's time. I said yes and looked over to notice that they had put Shinji's collar around the flowers. Well that was it. The flood gates came crashing down. I made a bee line outside to wringe out some of my grief but then being in the garden without Shinji seemed overwhelming. For anyone who happens to read my blog on occassion, if you didn't know my cat Shinji, he was a bit more dog-like. He wanted to go outside when people are outside. He stayed close chasing butterflies and grasshoppers or antagonizing birds but he was most concerned with just being outside and near his people. So anyway I then went back inside and went to my room to find out that he had gotten sick in several places in my room. Needless to say that really topped the cake. Now locked in the bathroom the full throws of grief hit and hit hard. Damn I loved that cat. I pulled myself together finally to clean up the mess and finally discuss him with Ben. The healing could begin. I could read the card on the flowers now. "Amy we're so sorry and we love you so so so much. Love, Tom, Sky, Andy and Pazu" How sweet and simple it is to say and how nice is that to hear. The next day working on the balcony my roommate Andy came home and when he stepped onto the balcony his face was covered in distress. I told him "There's a big corked Boulevard downstairs with your name on it. I know it wasn't pleasant or close, I really appreciate you taking Shinji to the emergency vet for me. Thank you." He hands me a bag and inside it I can see its a stuffed animal (obviously a cat). I immediately cry and see the look of panic on his face. I stifle the drama quickly and apologize, pushing the bag away from me. "Thanks. Can I look at that later? I'm sure I'll love it in a bit." Then Andy starts to tell me how he felt like it was his fault. He had noticed that Shinji wasn't himself. Had even mentioned it to some friends of ours and had asked if cats get depressed. I then very clearly let him know that in no way did I believe it was his fault. There's no way he could have known that it was fatal and we were coming back the next day. We then had some beers on the porch and as all roommates got home the porch filled up and we sat, enjoyed our Boulevard, shared some loving moments about Shinji and just enjoyed the peace.
The kindness and support that I see in the people around me here is such a gift. I can't fully explain how lucky I am to have two homes full of such wonderful people. I almost feel greedy.
Well my tomato salad is done and I want some more water so that's enough for today. The point has been made. Find peace in your day and love with all you have because life is about just that. Connect.
Now I'm sitting on the upstairs balcony with my bowl of amazing contemplating home. I should be working but alas I simply don't want to. So, back to contemplating home. Home IS where the heart is. After getting news of Shinji's death on Saturday my mind played ADD until I had to make the trek back home. The second I attempted to think anything about it the tears came so I just played tricks with it and stayed focused on anything BUT the death of my beautiful cat. The closer and closer I got to the house the more my chest hurt from trying to contain the barrage of sobs trying to beat their way out of me. We came inside and upon entering the kitchen there was a vase of lilies with a card and a bar of dark chocolate leaning against it with my name on it. I glanced at it but wasn't ready to look at it yet. I picked up Pazu and snuggled him for a minute, happy to see that he looked healthy. Peeked out the window of the kitchen to see that the boys had watered the garden and it still looked good. Then Tom, Ben's Dad, says "Amy did you see what we got you?". Shit. It's time. I said yes and looked over to notice that they had put Shinji's collar around the flowers. Well that was it. The flood gates came crashing down. I made a bee line outside to wringe out some of my grief but then being in the garden without Shinji seemed overwhelming. For anyone who happens to read my blog on occassion, if you didn't know my cat Shinji, he was a bit more dog-like. He wanted to go outside when people are outside. He stayed close chasing butterflies and grasshoppers or antagonizing birds but he was most concerned with just being outside and near his people. So anyway I then went back inside and went to my room to find out that he had gotten sick in several places in my room. Needless to say that really topped the cake. Now locked in the bathroom the full throws of grief hit and hit hard. Damn I loved that cat. I pulled myself together finally to clean up the mess and finally discuss him with Ben. The healing could begin. I could read the card on the flowers now. "Amy we're so sorry and we love you so so so much. Love, Tom, Sky, Andy and Pazu" How sweet and simple it is to say and how nice is that to hear. The next day working on the balcony my roommate Andy came home and when he stepped onto the balcony his face was covered in distress. I told him "There's a big corked Boulevard downstairs with your name on it. I know it wasn't pleasant or close, I really appreciate you taking Shinji to the emergency vet for me. Thank you." He hands me a bag and inside it I can see its a stuffed animal (obviously a cat). I immediately cry and see the look of panic on his face. I stifle the drama quickly and apologize, pushing the bag away from me. "Thanks. Can I look at that later? I'm sure I'll love it in a bit." Then Andy starts to tell me how he felt like it was his fault. He had noticed that Shinji wasn't himself. Had even mentioned it to some friends of ours and had asked if cats get depressed. I then very clearly let him know that in no way did I believe it was his fault. There's no way he could have known that it was fatal and we were coming back the next day. We then had some beers on the porch and as all roommates got home the porch filled up and we sat, enjoyed our Boulevard, shared some loving moments about Shinji and just enjoyed the peace.
The kindness and support that I see in the people around me here is such a gift. I can't fully explain how lucky I am to have two homes full of such wonderful people. I almost feel greedy.
Well my tomato salad is done and I want some more water so that's enough for today. The point has been made. Find peace in your day and love with all you have because life is about just that. Connect.