living in the shadow ... don't feel sorry for me
so laura and i went at it last night. she had two days off from school and made the attempt to spend them with me. i noticed that and i appreciated that but like for me it felt like a drag. it felt like i had to stop doing everything else to spend time w/her too. like it wasn't like i was chilling at home watching tv with nothing to do. i was rushing around after working and not hanging out w/the normal people at the normal time on tuesday loonies night. anyways, i had mentioned the whole competion thing and i said there was more to it. for one when laura does anything to piss me off now i don't let it go like i did before because she's laura and she's golden. i see red and blood and i see natalie and laura and the two face shit all over again. so i guess i probably take things differently. anyways she lashed out at me for tolerating rick saying things about muck mucks. i was like laura yell at him, throw shit at him ... i'll probably join in. i'm not telling you not to do anything, i'm just not doing it. she gets all attidude like "well i think its pretty shitty that as my friend you would tolerate someone acting like that towards me" i'm like hold up. to me that processed as "i'm not used to defending my fucking battles and you not doing anything to defend me" i'm like hey i don't like certain people you talk to either, moogie!, but i tolerate it and i'd never make you choose and better yet during that entire moe situation YOU REMEMBER WHEN I TOLD DEVON AND SHE SAID IF I WENT BACK TO HIM SHE WOULDN'T TALK TO ME ANYMORE? AND I TOLD HER THATS WHAT I LIKED ABOUT YOU? THAT NO MATTER WHAT DECISIONS I MADE YOU STOOD BY ME AND DIDN'T BLAME ME FOR WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DID??? grrr! beyond pissed me off. i straight up told her "hate rick, i don't care" but i'm not defending moogie anymore and i really don't want to defend her at this point in time. miss center of attention, flashes tits at camera and saying shit about nate wanting her, such a hardass than defend herself. when we are together now she has no idea who i am or what i'm thinking now and vice versa. basically we yelled and whatever or she did ... and i said this is the attidude i'm talking about and she felt like an ass. so than i was like yanno what made us get together as friends in the beginning, what brought us together was that we were so different and now whats ripping us apart is that very same thing. it's like life is a big pie. laura wants one piece and she knows the piece she wants and she's out to get it. but i'm not sure what piece i'd like. i kind of wanna sample each one. i think it's cool we talked. it's what i want and when i told her that the natalie thing still bothers me even though its totally physco of me it does and i'd be lying if i said it didn't and i don't want her lying to me so i'm not going to lie to her she got all pissy and was like i don't know how many times i have to say i'm sorry i'm like being able to get you to tell me how you feel and feeling like it's put to rest is what is going to make me eventually see that i don't have to worry.
so matt got pissy w/josh the other night. jealousy fag issues. rick came over pratt's last night and we showed him the tape of matt talking shit and when matt got there he talked shit to him and matt totally countered and talked shit back. so than matt sat and pouted the rest of the fucking night and as i was leaving i was getting tapes ready w/pratt and matt was trying to tell me something and i heard what he said and he thought i didn't so he goes to laura "it's impossible to tell her anything" and i blew up. i'm like matt i heard you, wtf? you sit there all night being pissed at everyone and not talking and when people ask you whats wrong you won't tell them so what the fuck do you want from me? and he's like i talked and i go to who? laura? why because she's never here or because you want in her pants? and laura starts chuckling ... too funny. the kid went silent and i was like he just made my night. rick talked shit to him and he tore him apart i did and he took his place in the bitch hall of fame and stfu. *beams* fuck you creepy, fucker.
so yeah last night was rage-full. so i got laid off again! WOOOHOOO! pratt's grandma paid me $10 an hour to help paint this house they bought. so i did get to make some money yesterday and i probably help again tomorrow. :) linda said on the phone this morning they're bringing in some temps. on friday and to call tomorrow at 2pm to check about work on friday. so i lost 4 days of work ... well minus one so far cause of pratt's grandma. i need ... NEED to find a new job. this is horse shit. without a doubt i need to relocate my working talents. i checked the jobs from the blade this past weekend of course this week they all sucked. last week they had a few i wanted to look into but had no time. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
ok so toodles i wrote a novel. peace out.
so matt got pissy w/josh the other night. jealousy fag issues. rick came over pratt's last night and we showed him the tape of matt talking shit and when matt got there he talked shit to him and matt totally countered and talked shit back. so than matt sat and pouted the rest of the fucking night and as i was leaving i was getting tapes ready w/pratt and matt was trying to tell me something and i heard what he said and he thought i didn't so he goes to laura "it's impossible to tell her anything" and i blew up. i'm like matt i heard you, wtf? you sit there all night being pissed at everyone and not talking and when people ask you whats wrong you won't tell them so what the fuck do you want from me? and he's like i talked and i go to who? laura? why because she's never here or because you want in her pants? and laura starts chuckling ... too funny. the kid went silent and i was like he just made my night. rick talked shit to him and he tore him apart i did and he took his place in the bitch hall of fame and stfu. *beams* fuck you creepy, fucker.
so yeah last night was rage-full. so i got laid off again! WOOOHOOO! pratt's grandma paid me $10 an hour to help paint this house they bought. so i did get to make some money yesterday and i probably help again tomorrow. :) linda said on the phone this morning they're bringing in some temps. on friday and to call tomorrow at 2pm to check about work on friday. so i lost 4 days of work ... well minus one so far cause of pratt's grandma. i need ... NEED to find a new job. this is horse shit. without a doubt i need to relocate my working talents. i checked the jobs from the blade this past weekend of course this week they all sucked. last week they had a few i wanted to look into but had no time. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
ok so toodles i wrote a novel. peace out.