Holiday Guilt
I talked to my mom on the phone today. I always try to make it a point to call "home" either Saturday or Sunday of each week. She asked if we were coming down for Thanksgiving. Actually, we've discussed it, but we haven't made the final decision yet, which I told her. "Well, what about Christmas?" *gulp* I already know we won't be there for that holiday. We decided last year that we really enjoyed having a nice quiet Christmas at home here in Kansas, rather than spending it driving to Texas, or anywhere else.
Last year was the first time ever that I wasn't home for Christmas. I actually think no one in my family has ever missed it, unless my sister did when she lived in south Texas, but I don't remember for sure. It was really nice. Cozy. We did our own thing, just me and Nik and MrD. I admit, I really enjoyed it. Should I feel guilty that I don't want to go home at Christmas? That I feel like I am home? That I enjoy spending the quietness of the holiday in my small, but happy space?
When I told her we wouldn't be there, immediately she asked, "Why not? I'd really rather have you here for Christmas instead of Thanksgiving, so if you can only make one of them, make it Christmas. Both would work, but if it's just one, let it be Christmas." I know the holidays are about being with family and friends. I know I want to see my family. I just don't want to go at Christmas. At the same time, I don't even know yet if we're going for Thanksgiving.
Suddenly, I feel very guilty.
My mom has a subtle way of doing that to me.
Last year was the first time ever that I wasn't home for Christmas. I actually think no one in my family has ever missed it, unless my sister did when she lived in south Texas, but I don't remember for sure. It was really nice. Cozy. We did our own thing, just me and Nik and MrD. I admit, I really enjoyed it. Should I feel guilty that I don't want to go home at Christmas? That I feel like I am home? That I enjoy spending the quietness of the holiday in my small, but happy space?
When I told her we wouldn't be there, immediately she asked, "Why not? I'd really rather have you here for Christmas instead of Thanksgiving, so if you can only make one of them, make it Christmas. Both would work, but if it's just one, let it be Christmas." I know the holidays are about being with family and friends. I know I want to see my family. I just don't want to go at Christmas. At the same time, I don't even know yet if we're going for Thanksgiving.
Suddenly, I feel very guilty.
My mom has a subtle way of doing that to me.