Fic: The Story, By Missambermariek [Chapter 2, Part 1]
Title: The Story [2/?]
Author: missambermariek
Rating: R
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Authors Note: This is a story that I have had poking around in my head for quite some time now. It stems from a dream and has developed from there. This fic will span almost 20 years, following Spuffy through good time and bad.I want to thank my beta SlayerDaniWho for all her help and fine tuning. Of course, Reviews are greatly appreciated, and if you enjoy The Story, please share it. If anyone is interested, the title of this fic comes from the song The Story by Brandi Carlisle. It is sort of the theme song of this story.
Summary: "The paths I have chosen to walk have been filled with joy and with pain, but they have led me to where I am today. Every choice I’ve made, every mistake, every heartbreak, every sorrow...it has all led me to this very moment. And I would not change a thing." Follow Buffy and Spike from adolescence to adulthood, as they grow into who they are today. AU All human, pure Spuffy goodness.
Chapter 2 Part One
Will looked at his best friend of almost six years and smiled. Buffy was talking about boys again - always with the boys - but he was paying little attention to her words. All he could hear was the cheerful lilt in her voice. All he could see was her beautiful smile, and the way her big green eyes sparkled as she bubbled with excitement.
He watched as she gossiped about who and what was going on at their school, realizing that he’d become so absorbed in watching her that he was ignoring the words coming out of her mouth...something he didn’t often find himself doing.
He prided himself on being a avid listener and sensitive to his best friends feelings. He usually even tried to give her good advice…when he could. It was amazing the way that their relationship had developed over the last 6 years. In fact, Will and Buffy spent every waking moment with each other. The longest they had gone apart was during Buffy’s family vacations every summer, and even then they would talk on the phone.
Will knew that they had a special friendship that was envied as well as misinterpreted by many of their peers. They were comfortable being close to one another, hugging, holding, goofing around. They also told each other everything, no secret went untold. Well, almost none of their secrets went untold.
See, while Buffy was Will’s best friend, his confidante, his person, he was also in love with her. It shouldn’t have surprised him really, when almost 3 years ago now he realized he loved her more than best friends usually do. Ever since he laid eyes on her that fateful night, long ago, he was slowly falling for the girl. When she smiled, he smiled; when she cried, he cried. Every touch, every talk, every moment shared between them sent such powerful emotions through his 16-year-old body.
Believe it or not, these emotions were not purely physical. While he was desperately attracted to Buffy, he also was in love with all her nuances, even her quirks. He loved how much she cared for the people around her, the way she laughed, even the way she scrunched her nose when she was lying.
Just looking at the two, it was hard not to see how much had changed.
In fact, Will had grown quite a bit in the last couple of years. His awkward and gangly features had transformed, giving him a smooth and striking look. Despite the fact that his brown curls still sprung unceremoniously around his head - and the fact that sweater vests were still his go-to choice outfit - Will was truly growing into himself.
Buffy, on the other hand, had stayed much the same...in stature, at least. She was still a tiny, little thing, but she had definitely also sprouted some subtle yet womanly curves, drawing the attention of much of their high school. Her blonde pigtails were now worn in a stylish shoulder-length ’do, and she regularly rimmed her bright green eyes with black eyeliner and thick mascara.. Not that she needed it, thought Will.
As far as Will - and anyone else, for that matter - could see, the girl may not have grown much in height but she had indeed grown exponentially in beauty.
Will was, quite literally, enamored with Buffy, and there was no place in the world that was quite as perfect to be as right next to her.
“Oh, my God, Will! Are you even listening?”
He shook himself from his reverie and frowned. “I’m sorry, Buff. What was it then, pet?”Buffy rolled her eyes at Will, sighed in exasperation and repeated her question. “Well, I was asking you if you think that Angel will finally make his move?”
Oh, Angel, the prick. Will shook his head softly and sighed. “I honestly couldn’t tell you, pet. We don’t exactly run in the same circles.”
Will watched as Buffy nodded thoughtfully, seemingly resigned to the fact that Will didn’t likely know if Angel was interested in her. She lay back on the cool grass and rested her head on Will’s arm. The two often came outside and lay together in the grass, soothed by one another as they gazed at the clouds or stars. Sometimes they would have talks like this. Other times they would just remain silent, drawing comfort from each other’s presence.
Today, the silence was enough - and the feeling of Buffy in his arms brought him a comfort beyond measure.
Music played softly in the background from Buffy’s old boom box as she laid back against Will’s side. As one song ended and the first notes of the next one began to play, Buffy gasped and rolled over to face Will. Propped up on her forearms, she smiled, bobbed her head for a few beats and began to sing softly in accompaniment.
All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I’ve got to where I am
But these stories don’t mean anything
When you’ve got no one to tell them to
It’s true
I was made for you
“Oh, my God, Will! It’s our song!” She pushed herself up and ran over to the radio to turn it up before plopping back down and scooting against his side once again. He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer.
“It sure is.”
I climbed across the mountaintops
Swam all across the ocean blue
Crossed all the line and broke all the rules
And baby I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do
I was made for you
Buffy couldn’t help but smile at the lyrics every time she heard the song. She felt, deep within her heart, that these words described her and Will’s friendship perfectly. He was her best friend, and he knew more about her - and she, him - than anyone else in the world. No matter what life threw at them, where they were or in which groups of people they found themselves, Will would always be her very best friend. Hell, people almost always assumed they were dating, but Buffy had never really thought of Will like that.
He was just Will...the loyal, sweet guy who was always there for her. He was her person.
* * * * *
You see the smile that’s on my mouth
It’s hiding the words that don’t come out
All of our friends that think that I am blessed
They don’t know my head is a mess
No, they don’t who I really am
And they don’t know what I’ve been through
Like you do
I was made for you
Will loved the song as well, for he felt the same as Buffy. Well, almost the same as Buffy. Buffy was his very best friend. He knew he could tell her absolutely anything, and he knew she would always be there when he needed her.
But Will loved Buffy in another way as well.
It always broke his heart when people assumed they were dating and she would vehemently deny it. He knew she didn’t mean it in a cruel way, but he has been in love with Buffy since he first laid eyes on her. He just didn’t know how to tell her or how she would feel.
Most importantly, he didn’t want to lose her friendship.
All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don’t mean anything
When you’ve got no one to tell them to
Its true
I was made for you
Buffy’s and Will’s eyes met as the song came to an end, and the two teenagers smiled. But before either could say anything, the harsh voice of Will’s father, Liam, rang out, screaming Will’s name.
Will flashed Buffy an apologetic smile and hopped up as they untangled themselves from one another.
“I’ll be back. Let me go see what the old man wants now.”
Buffy smiled sweetly and nodded as Will hopped the fence to his own backyard.
***********************************************
“MO-O-O-M! I’m going to Will’s for the night!” Buffy screamed as she walked down the stairs and headed toward the front door.
Joyce quickly popped her head out of the kitchen and gave Buffy the look. “Not so fast, young lady.”
Buffy stopped in her tracks and sighed melodramatically before she made her way towards her waiting mother.
“You know I love Will...like a son, really. But Buffy, aren’t you two getting a little old for sleepovers?”
Buffy rolled her eyes and answered, “Never too old for sleepovers, Mom. I mean, it’s just Will! It’s not like we are going to…you know…”
“Have sex?”
“God, Mom! You don’t have to say it. Eeeew, the last thing I need is that image in my head.”
Now it was Joyce’s turn to roll her eyes. “Look, Buffy, just be careful, okay? I don’t know how much longer your Dad’s going to be okay with this.”
Buffy nodded, wondering why in the world it mattered. It wasn’t as if Dad was ever around, anyways. He spent most of his time at work or out of town on conference.
Joyce smiled at Buffy and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. “Go, and have fun, Honey! You better leave before Dawn sees and wants to come with.”
Buffy let out a very unladylike grunt and booked it out the door.
When she got to Will’s door, she knocked but didn’t wait for his response before walking right on in. Earlier, after he’d spoken with his dad, Will had called to let her know that his was leaving for the weekend... for “none of his damn business,” apparently. As soon as his Dad’s truck’s tires had left the driveway, Buffy headed over.
“Willie? Where are you?” She called, searching around the mess of a house for her friend.
“Back here!” he yelled back, from his room.
When Buffy reached his room, she noticed that many of his things were thrown across the floor. Her heart started to beat faster with concern as she swiveled her head rapidly in every direction, looking for Will. She bunched her eyebrows together in concern and then desperately grabbed for Will as soon as she noticed him looking up from the stack of papers he was perusing across the room.
It was clear that he could tell how scared she was for him when he jumped up, wrapped his arms around her and soothed,“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay, pet! Nothing happened. M’dad just wanted me to go through some stuff to get rid of some rubbish and whatnot.”
She pulled away from him and gave him a gentle shove. “Oh, my God, Will! You scared the hell out of me!”
He chuckled as the situation diffused. “Sorry, luv.”
She smiled gently up at him and shoved him away again. Surveying the mess around them, Buffy took a deep breath and said, “Well, come on. Let’s do this!”
She knelt down by one of the piles of “junk” he had laying around and began inspecting the contents. He motioned to one pile and said, “Trash,” pointed to another, “attic,” and then another, “and keepers.”
She nodded and knelt down on the floor, beginning on a stack. She tossed old school work into the trash pile without a second thought and threw books in the keepers pile. Then she paused as an old picture fell out from between two of the papers. Buffy glanced back at Will and found him distracted with what looked like old cards, so she took a closer look at the photograph.
The paper was old and faded, but she could see a beautiful woman with long flowing dark hair and striking, cat-like eyes. She wore a huge smile on her face and she gazed upon a tall man with bright blue eyes - so very similar to Will’s - who was gazing just as lovingly back at her. Buffy flipped the photograph over and tried to make out the cursive writing on the back. ‘Jenny and….’ The ink had become too faded with time and the remaining name wasn’t legible, but whoever it was clearly loved this Jenny woman a lot.
That’s when it hit Buffy that Jenny was the name of Will’s mom. Immediately, she found she was looking at the picture with new eyes. This woman was breathtakingly beautiful. She looked so happy. It was hard to imagine her the way Will had described. When he spoke of his mom, he spoke of a beautiful, dark woman. Never going into purely physical descriptions, he told her that he used to think she was an angel. Her beauty was that magnificent, but he also said that there was a sadness about her that he could never quite touch, almost as if she was lost in a world that had dragged her down.
As she privately considered the magnitude of her discovery, Buffy realized that there were no pictures of her at all throughout the house. In fact, this was the first time she had ever actually seen a picture of Will’s mom at all. Who was this mysterious man with her? Did Will know? If he did, why wouldn’t he have shown her this before?
“Um, Will?” He turned his blue gaze towards her questioning face. She held up the picture in a silent question.
Will’s eyes widened and he scurried hastily over to where Buffy sat holding the photograph. He took the weathered image from Buffy’s grasp and held it close to his face. Buffy noticed that tears had begun to pool up in his eyes.
“Who are they, Will?”
He looked away from the picture and blue eyes met green as he whispered, “It’s...it’s my mum…”
She nodded her head. She had assumed as much. “Is that your Dad?”
Will hurriedly shook his head, “No, actually I haven’t a clue who this man is.”
His brow furrowed, as if he was trying to recall if he’d ever met this man his mother look so blissful with. Clearly unable to come up with anything, Buffy watched as he shook his head again before getting up, fumbling through his top drawer and pulling out a small wooden box. Will carefully lifted the lid and gingerly placed the photograph inside before shutting it tight and hiding it back inside the mess of clothing in the drawer.
Buffy waited a moment and then said, “Are you okay?”
Her friend turned his head back towards her and smiled. “Yeah. It’s just been a while since I saw her.” He nodded towards one of the piles and said, “Let’s get this stuff up to the attic.”
He left the room for a few moments and returned with a cardboard box. Together, they cleared the keepers pile by piling the books and papers into the box.
“Why are you saving your old report cards?” Buffy asked with a curious grin. Her report cards rarely stuck around long enough to collect dust - she threw those suckers out as soon as possible. Hell, if she could have gotten away with tossing them before her mom could see them, she would have. And here he was saving his.
He shrugged his shoulder nonchalantly and responded, “I don’t know. Maybe one day I’ll want to look back and see how I was doing.”
She gave him a funny look before closing up the box and standing up. He stood beside her, carefully lifting the box as she pulled down the ladder to the attic and ushered him up the stairs.
Buffy couldn’t help but cough as an abundance of dust was unsettled, likely disturbed for the first time after who knew how long. She spun around slowly, peering at all of the boxes and furniture in the small storage space, amazed at what she saw. There was just so much. It was like finding a cave full of treasure.
“Wow, you never told me you had so much up here, Will.”
Again, he shrugged and said, “It’s just a bunch of junk.”
“I don’t know, there could be all kinds of treasure or secrets to find in here. You never got curious? Think about it. Your mom’s stuff could be up here!”
Now, Will look intrigued. Clearly, he had never given that much thought. He always assumed his careless father threw out most - if not all - of his mother’s things.
Noticing the curiosity on Will’s face, Buffy reached for his hand and gave it a firm squeeze. “Let’s look!”
Together, they rummaged through boxes and drawers. Most of them were full of old newspapers and trash - and Buffy couldn’t help but wonder why Will’s dad would put this crap in the attic instead of the garbage.
After hours of digging, they had yet to find anything of substance...until Buffy found a dusty old trunk lurking behind a few large boxes. She was convinced that it just looked like it was full of goodies.
“Will! Come quick!”
He rushed to her side, helping her pull and shimmy the trunk out into the open. Buffy looked up at Will with excited eyes and said, “Lets open it together!”
He chuckled and, together, they lifted the heavy lid.
Once the trunk was open, the two friends couldn’t believe what was inside. Buffy gasped in awe as her fingers trailed over what seemed to be a large amount of antique lace. Carefully unfolding it, she pulled out the fabric and realized it was a beautiful lace wedding gown. Buffy stood and held the dress up to the front of her body, gazing adoringly into the mirror across the room.
“Oh, Will. Look how beautiful it is. This stuff must be your mom’s!”
* * * * *******************************************
It was hard for Will to take his eyes off of Buffy. She was stunning, smiling in just that way and holding his mother’s wedding gown close over her heart. It was beyond any beautiful image he could dream up, and he found that his breath caught in his lungs.
Will shook himself from his reverie and turned back towards the trunk. With the wedding dress removed, countless pictures, letters, jewelry, and clothes had been revealed underneath. He couldn’t believe that his father had actually kept all of this.
Buffy carefully folded the delicate lace dress and placed it gently to the side of the trunk, then sat back down. She began pulling things out, one by one.
Photographs showed various people, most of whom Will assumed were his mother’s family. Reading the backs of some, his assumptions were confirmed - and he realized he was looking at his mother’s parents and sister. He had never seen any of his mother’s family before. It was amazing!
He pulled another pile out and found pictures of his mother laughing with girlfriends, which made him smile brightly. He also noted that many of the photos included the mysterious man from the picture Buffy had found earlier.
If Will didn’t know better, he would think that his mother was in love with this man - and he, her. He stopped his perusal of the pictures when he heard a gasp from the girl beside him.
“You okay, pet?” He asked hesitantly. Her hand was over her mouth and her eyes wide as saucers as she passed him the bundle of notes in her hands.
Then, one by one, he read them.
Dear Rupert,
Last night was amazing. I’ve never been with a man before, and the way you made me feel was incredible. I know it has only been a few short months, but I cannot imagine myself outside of your loving arms.
I know my family disagrees, but your financial position will not stop my love. I refuse to let you go over something as petty as wealth. Love is all I need; it is all I’ll ever need. Without you, I would wither away.
Please tell me my father has not scared you away. Let me know if you still feel the same.
Yours Truly,
Jenny
My darling Jenny,
Of course I feel the same. You are my heart, my soul, my entire being. You are my precious rose and I will not let you wither away. I could never leave your side.
The other night was special to me as well. You were my first lover, and I want you to be my last. I know I do not have much to offer you, my sweet, but I can promise you that I will work every day to be a better man, for you.
Marry me, darling.
R. Giles
Rupert,
Please do not take what my father said to heart. He cannot force an annulment on us. I do not care if he has intended me to another. We have already consummated our vows.
Please Rupert, do not let him get into your head. I cannot lose you!
Forever Yours,
Jenny
My darling Jennifer,
I am sorry but I have lied to the courts and they have granted an annulment. I understand now that I have nothing to offer you. Liam will be a much better provider for your future family. Marry him. Forget me.
The words I wish to say no longer matter. You are mine no longer.
I have returned your letters and gifts. Please let me go, sweet Jenny, for that is what I will do to you.
Be happy.
R. Giles
Buffy had tears running down her smooth cheeks and Will could hardly deny the tears that threatened to fall from his own as he roughly tore the unopened envelope and read the last letter that had been marked return to sender.
Rupert,
I know that I am now bound to another, but I have not given up hope that you will return to me and save me from this loveless marriage.
He was a liar, to us all. He has no wealth, no degree, nothing. We survive off the money my father sends. Although I refuse to take anything from him, Liam continues to beg like a vagrant.
How am I to accept anything from the man who tore me from your arms?
Nonetheless, I must let you know that I am pregnant. While I have been with Liam, I know that the child I am carrying is not his. I have not told him, but he suspects the truth. He is violent and ill tempered. While he has yet to place his hands on me, I fear for it every day. I fear for our child, Rupert.
Please respond to me. Let me know you still care. Save us from this monster.
Yours Truly,
Jenny
Will reread the last letter a number of times, feeling dizzy as the words seemed to fade in and out from the paper. As he slowly folded the letter back up, he turned with glazed eyes towards Buffy.
“Oh, Honey.” She cried and threw her arms around him. They sat in silence as her arms enveloped him, his body wracked with violent shaking and sobs tearing from his throat.
*****************************************************
After the emotional revelation in the attic, Buffy was afraid to let go of Will. She held him until she felts him nod off to sleep and then closed her eyes to join him, exhausted.
The next morning, she helped him tidy up the remaining piles and put things away.
Neither of them said a word about the letters they‘d found. Will was clearly confused and shocked, and Buffy just didn’t know what to say or how to handle this. For a moment, it occurred to her that it was very rare to be caught speechless - but here she was, being just that.
Will was her friend, her very best friend. She’d watched for years as his “father” abused him, both verbally and physically. Now that she knew there was a chance that that bastard wasn’t actually his father - and that his real father could be out there somewhere - she didn’t know how she should handle it. She wanted to help Will. Better yet, she knew that she could help him...and she already had the information she needed.
But right now, he needed time to process everything. So time, at least for now, is what she would give him.
************************************************************
Two weeks later, neither Buffy nor Will had yet to say a word about the letters. On the way home from school, Buffy couldn’t help but take the first step in clearing the air.
“Look Will, we both know what we read in those letters has been on our minds. What do you think of finding this Rupert guy? We could find him and we could get a DNA test! You could get the hell away from your bastard dad...or well possibly bastard...not…dad…you know what I mean.”
The smile that always seemed to be on Will’s face when he was in her presence disappeared, and Will looked calmly down to the ground.
Buffy didn’t know what to think. Was he ignoring her? “Well? What do you think, babe?”
When Will finally looked up, Buffy was shocked by the venom in his eyes. She had never seen Will angry...at least not at her.
“No.”
And that was it. That was all Will said before he sped up his pace and forced Buffy into a brisk jog.
“No, what, Will? You don’t want to find out if this guy is really your dad?” Buffy asked.
“No.”
She was shocked. If it were her, she would be dying to know the truth...but then again, no matter how much they loved each other, she and Will were very different.
“W-why?”
Will stopped walking and turned to face her. “I just don’t, Buffy. Can you respect that? I’m always doing what you want. This time, for once, can you do what I want?”
Buffy couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She always considered Will’s feelings and interests. She never felt like she was being selfish. Was she being selfish? No. Sure, she was curious, but this wasn’t just about that. Will deserved better than his “dad” and the abuse he dished out.
“Are you serious, Will? You know it’s not like that. I want to help you.”
“Well, help me by staying out of it.” And with that, Will walked away, effectively silencing Buffy’s reply and leaving her standing there, hurt and confused.
***************************************************
Two weeks had passed since the fight, and neither had actually spoken more than a couple words to the other. In the six years since they’d met, Buffy and Will had never gone more than a day or two without at least talking...and the separation was taking its toll on Will.
Deliberately keeping himself unavailable, Will went right to school every morning and right home after school every afternoon. He ignored Buffy’s calls - and eventually didn’t even pick up when Xander or Willow phoned. He had even been eating lunch alone in the library. He knew that the way he was acting was hurting his friends - especially Buffy - but for the first time in years, he couldn’t focus on that.
All he could think about was those letters.
He spent so much of his time trying not to think of them that it was becoming extremely distracting. He knew Buffy well, and he knew that she had his best interests at heart, but he couldn’t take this seriously. He couldn’t get his hopes up.
And even if he did, whoever this guy was, he’d abandoned his mother. Why should he look for a wanker like that? He didn’t see how that was any better than Liam.
Will was aware that he was withdrawing into himself, but he’d stopped caring. He felt less and less like William, and more and more like someone he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.
A few nights before, Will had swiped a few of his dad’s beers and downed them in his room. It was bloody scary, just how good it made him feel. He loved how it made him forget...forget about his shitty life, his dead mum, that poof Rupert Giles.
But it didn’t make him forget about how much he was hurting Buffy.
Buffy couldn’t stop thinking of Will and his situation. She didn’t have anyone to talk to about it. While Will would have obviously been her first choice, she didn’t want to take advantage of their fight and break his trust by telling Willow or Xander about what was going on.
As a result, most nights she would sit in her room and cry. She cried because she missed her friend, because she didn’t know how to make it right, and because of what he was going through.
The other day at school, she actually saw him talking to Drusilla Manning. She was the school goth...and as far as most of the high school was concerned, was also the Whore of Sunnydale. Why would he even be talking to her? They had nothing in common.
Then again, she thought sadly, neither do he and I.
Every time she tried to speak to him at school, Will mumbled a few words and walked away. She just couldn’t handle not having him around. He was her person, and she could see him changing before her eyes. That innocent twinkle in Will’s eyes was gone...and in its place something very dark and very sad.
She was doing everything she could think of to try and make things right, but it seemed like that just didn’t matter to Will. Willow assured her that he would pull through and that he just needed time, but Buffy wasn’t sure.
One thing was for sure, though. This time she wasn’t going to make the mistake of not giving him enough time.
*****************************************
Will was beginning to agree with the old adage about time healing. A few weeks had passed and he felt like a different man...and, bloody hell, he was okay with that. He’d met a new girl, Drusilla, who blew his fucking mind. He’d sneak her into his house late at night and let her do things to him that he’d never in his lifetime experienced.
It was amazing.
Instead of sitting around talking like a bunch of poofs, they’d go out to the empty lot a few blocks down and get lit. Other kids would show up and they’d all share bottles. Every now and then, a joint would get passed around.
Will had never felt better in all of his 16 years.
Rupert, who?
Buffy, who?
He laughed loudly as he felt a slender hand press into his. He turned his head to look into the ice blue, thickly lined eyes of his girlfriend, Drusilla.
“All giggles and tickles, my Spikey.”
At first, he blanched at the pet name she had given him after their first time together. Hated it, in fact. Then he realized that this could be the start of a new him. He could forget about poncy William and become a brand new man.
He smiled sexily at Dru, running his tongue along the back of his teeth.
“Call me Spike, luv.”
This time, it was Dru who cackled wildly, running her hands up and down his arms.
“Spike it is, then. Goodbye…Spike.” She added extra emphasis on his newly professed name before walking away down the path to her home. He stared at as the way she swayed her hips as she walked away, watching her until he could no longer see her, and then he himself headed home.
He had an idea that he was dying to make a reality.
He was going to change more than his name.
****************************************************
Buffy, Willow, and Xander sat on the stairs off her front porch, talking about this thing they’d noticed developing between Drusilla and Will. They all agreed that it was odd that the more time Will spent with Dru, the more and more different he seemed to become. First, it was his attitude, then his clothes, and now Buffy had actually caught him sneaking Dru into his room.
“I don’t know guys, maybe this is it. Goodbye, Will. Hello, Captain Depresso.” Xander exclaimed to the girls, trying in vain to liven their spirits.
Buffy rolled her eyes and sighed, then she responded, “This isn’t it, Xander. I don’t care how much he changes, he is still my friend. He always will be. I just have to…figure out how to reach him.”
Willow gave her a sympathetic smile and patted her hand. “Come on, Buff! Don’t get sad. Think about your date tonight...w-with Angel!” She said, nodding her head enthusiastically and opening her eyes as wide as saucers.
Oh yeah, Angel, Buffy thought, surprised she had forgotten so easily at the mention of Will.
“You’re right, Willow. Maybe I’ll even go over to Will’s to let him know that I…” Her words were cut short as she heard Will’s front door open, and the very person she was just speaking of stepped outside.
All three of the teenagers sat in a stupor, jaws dropped at the sight of the boy walking out.
“Speak of the devil.” Xander mumbled. “Wait, that is Will, right?”
It was Will, all right, clad in slim-fitting black jeans and combat boots, with a skin-tight black shirt under an unbuttoned red shirt. Of course, that wasn’t what had stunned the three teens who watched him from Buffy’s front yard. No, it was his hair...platinum blonde and slicked back with what looked like a gallon of industrial-strength hair gel.
“Will?” Buffy questioned loudly as he awkwardly walked by. When he didn’t respond, she called out louder, “WILL!”
He stopped in front of Buffy’s house and turned towards her. “Spike.”
She tilted her head to the side, squinting her eyes in confusion and deliberately flashing him a look that screamed what the hell? She countered, “Huh?”
“Spike. It’s Spike. That’s my name now. Not William, not Will, not Willie. Spike.”
Without meaning to, Buffy let out a laugh. “Ok, Spike. What’s up with the hair?”
“You like it do you, pet?” He asked with a wicked grin.
“I...I…I...” She stammered, realizing that she actually did. As much as she hated to admit it, this new look kind of got her motor going. She was seeing Will...er, Spike in a new light. The tone he was using had her more than confused, though.
“Whatever. Is there something you want, pet?”
Buffy smiled at Xander and Willow before stepping down and striding to the end of the walkway, stopping right in front of Spike.
“What’s going on Wi…Spike? This isn’t like you.”
“Ha! That’s funny, because I don’t think you really know what I’m like. At least not anymore, sweets.”
Buffy immediately withdrew, stung, and decided the whole sweet girl act just wasn’t going to work with this defensive punk.
“Look Spike, I’m your friend whether you want me to be or not. I know that what we found out is messing with you. And, sure, maybe I fucked up by pushing you to look into it. But God, I’m just human! I want my friend back. Please.” She didn’t mean to start crying but couldn’t stop the tears that fell freely from her green eyes.
For a second, it seemed as if Spike wanted to reach out to her and hold her in his arms, just as he had done when she’d been upset in the past. Then she watched as his eyes transitioned from sympathetic to cold, and his arms tightened against his side. It was as if it had occurred to him that he wasn’t that person - her person - anymore.
“Stop it, luv. You know I’ve never been able to take your tears. Just let me go. I’ve done the same to you.” Buffy didn’t miss how his words paralleled those written by the man who had obviously loved - and lost - his mother all those years before.
“No. No!” Buffy was so resolute she almost stomped her foot like a toddler throwing a tantrum. “I won’t accept that. I know it’s not true. I love you, Will!”
“Spike! IT’S SPIKE! And I loved you, too, Buffy, but I loved you more. While you yapped on and on about Ford...and then started in yappin’ about that ponce, Angel...I just sat there and pined over you, wishin’ I was one of those boys you couldn’t stop talkin’ about.” At the look of shock on her face, he continued, “Yeah, I bet you never even noticed, didja?”
Buffy felt as if she could do nothing but blink at Will.
“You’re a tease Buffy. That’s what you are,” Will went on. “And now that I’ve stopped pinin’ after you, you can’t handle it. You can’t handle not having your bloody bag boy there to follow you around like a man possessed .”
Buffy stammered. “I...I…Will, I never…”
“Don’t. Just don’t. It’s over, Buffy.” And with that, he looked over her shoulder with sad eyes and threw up two of his black-nailed fingers at the two teens who sat, still frozen, on the stairs behind. “Xander, Willow.”
And with that, he walked away, leaving Buffy to pick up the shattered pieces of her broken heart.
* * * * * ***************************
Willow and Xander perched at the top of the steps leading to Buffy’s house, watching as the scene played out in front of them. Xander draw in a sharp breath as Buffy started crying - he’d always had a thing for the petite blonde - and then his eyelids closed in sympathy for his friend after witnessing Will’s indifference.
“What is up with him?” he heard Willow whisper incredulously.
Xander slowly shook his head. He, like Willow, could barely believe how Will was acting. In all the years that they had known each other, Will was always the nicest guy, the most caring listener, the most loyal friend. Above all, he obviously cared deeply about Buffy. Hearing the way he spoke to her made Xander cringe.
“It feels like we just lost one of our closest friends,” he whispered back. Silently Xander added, while the other is left for us to put back together.
************************************
Buffy stood absolutely still for several seconds after Will had walked away. When she didn’t turn around, Xander walked to her and placed his hand on her shoulder. Willow followed, walking around Buffy and stooping slightly to peer up into her friend’s tearful eyes.
A small smile from Willow and a gentle nudge from Xander encouraged Buffy to turn back towards the house, and the two friends guided the blonde swiftly inside.
After walking a dazed Buffy up the stairs and setting her gently on her bed, Willow looked over at Xander and silently motioned for him to say or do something. Xander fervently shook his head and signaled for Willow to go. With a sign, Willow sat next to her friend.
“Um, h-hey, Buffy. Are you…you know…how are…” Willow coughed nervously before continuing, “You ok?
Buffy gazed over at Willow with a blank expression. “He loved me, Willow. He was in love with me. Did you know?”
Willows eyes widened and she looked frantically over at Xander who was nervously biting his lip across from them.
“Um, well…I always thought that could be the case.”
Buffy looked quickly over at Xander. “What about you?”
Xander shuffled anxiously before nodding. At the hurt look in Buffy’s eyes Xander spoke up. “We weren’t like one hundred percent sure or anything, Buff. It was just…well; you know…it was the way he looked at you.”
Buffy nodded, solemnly. “So it was just me who was blind them. God, how could I be so stupid. The things I said, the way I talked about other guys in front of him…”a sob escaped her throat as he hand came flying to her chest, “I must have hurt him so bad, and I didn’t even know it. I’m supposed to be his best friend. How could I not know it?” Turning her head into Willows shoulder, Buffy let herself cry in earnest now.
Awkwardly, Willow placed her arms around her friend and sniffled back her own tears. Xander cautiously came up to the girls and enveloped them both in his arms. For a while, they just stayed like that, holding each other, while Buffy cried, all missing their friend.
TBC...
Author: missambermariek
Rating: R
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Authors Note: This is a story that I have had poking around in my head for quite some time now. It stems from a dream and has developed from there. This fic will span almost 20 years, following Spuffy through good time and bad.I want to thank my beta SlayerDaniWho for all her help and fine tuning. Of course, Reviews are greatly appreciated, and if you enjoy The Story, please share it. If anyone is interested, the title of this fic comes from the song The Story by Brandi Carlisle. It is sort of the theme song of this story.
Summary: "The paths I have chosen to walk have been filled with joy and with pain, but they have led me to where I am today. Every choice I’ve made, every mistake, every heartbreak, every sorrow...it has all led me to this very moment. And I would not change a thing." Follow Buffy and Spike from adolescence to adulthood, as they grow into who they are today. AU All human, pure Spuffy goodness.
Chapter 2 Part One
Will looked at his best friend of almost six years and smiled. Buffy was talking about boys again - always with the boys - but he was paying little attention to her words. All he could hear was the cheerful lilt in her voice. All he could see was her beautiful smile, and the way her big green eyes sparkled as she bubbled with excitement.
He watched as she gossiped about who and what was going on at their school, realizing that he’d become so absorbed in watching her that he was ignoring the words coming out of her mouth...something he didn’t often find himself doing.
He prided himself on being a avid listener and sensitive to his best friends feelings. He usually even tried to give her good advice…when he could. It was amazing the way that their relationship had developed over the last 6 years. In fact, Will and Buffy spent every waking moment with each other. The longest they had gone apart was during Buffy’s family vacations every summer, and even then they would talk on the phone.
Will knew that they had a special friendship that was envied as well as misinterpreted by many of their peers. They were comfortable being close to one another, hugging, holding, goofing around. They also told each other everything, no secret went untold. Well, almost none of their secrets went untold.
See, while Buffy was Will’s best friend, his confidante, his person, he was also in love with her. It shouldn’t have surprised him really, when almost 3 years ago now he realized he loved her more than best friends usually do. Ever since he laid eyes on her that fateful night, long ago, he was slowly falling for the girl. When she smiled, he smiled; when she cried, he cried. Every touch, every talk, every moment shared between them sent such powerful emotions through his 16-year-old body.
Believe it or not, these emotions were not purely physical. While he was desperately attracted to Buffy, he also was in love with all her nuances, even her quirks. He loved how much she cared for the people around her, the way she laughed, even the way she scrunched her nose when she was lying.
Just looking at the two, it was hard not to see how much had changed.
In fact, Will had grown quite a bit in the last couple of years. His awkward and gangly features had transformed, giving him a smooth and striking look. Despite the fact that his brown curls still sprung unceremoniously around his head - and the fact that sweater vests were still his go-to choice outfit - Will was truly growing into himself.
Buffy, on the other hand, had stayed much the same...in stature, at least. She was still a tiny, little thing, but she had definitely also sprouted some subtle yet womanly curves, drawing the attention of much of their high school. Her blonde pigtails were now worn in a stylish shoulder-length ’do, and she regularly rimmed her bright green eyes with black eyeliner and thick mascara.. Not that she needed it, thought Will.
As far as Will - and anyone else, for that matter - could see, the girl may not have grown much in height but she had indeed grown exponentially in beauty.
Will was, quite literally, enamored with Buffy, and there was no place in the world that was quite as perfect to be as right next to her.
“Oh, my God, Will! Are you even listening?”
He shook himself from his reverie and frowned. “I’m sorry, Buff. What was it then, pet?”Buffy rolled her eyes at Will, sighed in exasperation and repeated her question. “Well, I was asking you if you think that Angel will finally make his move?”
Oh, Angel, the prick. Will shook his head softly and sighed. “I honestly couldn’t tell you, pet. We don’t exactly run in the same circles.”
Will watched as Buffy nodded thoughtfully, seemingly resigned to the fact that Will didn’t likely know if Angel was interested in her. She lay back on the cool grass and rested her head on Will’s arm. The two often came outside and lay together in the grass, soothed by one another as they gazed at the clouds or stars. Sometimes they would have talks like this. Other times they would just remain silent, drawing comfort from each other’s presence.
Today, the silence was enough - and the feeling of Buffy in his arms brought him a comfort beyond measure.
Music played softly in the background from Buffy’s old boom box as she laid back against Will’s side. As one song ended and the first notes of the next one began to play, Buffy gasped and rolled over to face Will. Propped up on her forearms, she smiled, bobbed her head for a few beats and began to sing softly in accompaniment.
All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I’ve got to where I am
But these stories don’t mean anything
When you’ve got no one to tell them to
It’s true
I was made for you
“Oh, my God, Will! It’s our song!” She pushed herself up and ran over to the radio to turn it up before plopping back down and scooting against his side once again. He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer.
“It sure is.”
I climbed across the mountaintops
Swam all across the ocean blue
Crossed all the line and broke all the rules
And baby I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do
I was made for you
Buffy couldn’t help but smile at the lyrics every time she heard the song. She felt, deep within her heart, that these words described her and Will’s friendship perfectly. He was her best friend, and he knew more about her - and she, him - than anyone else in the world. No matter what life threw at them, where they were or in which groups of people they found themselves, Will would always be her very best friend. Hell, people almost always assumed they were dating, but Buffy had never really thought of Will like that.
He was just Will...the loyal, sweet guy who was always there for her. He was her person.
* * * * *
You see the smile that’s on my mouth
It’s hiding the words that don’t come out
All of our friends that think that I am blessed
They don’t know my head is a mess
No, they don’t who I really am
And they don’t know what I’ve been through
Like you do
I was made for you
Will loved the song as well, for he felt the same as Buffy. Well, almost the same as Buffy. Buffy was his very best friend. He knew he could tell her absolutely anything, and he knew she would always be there when he needed her.
But Will loved Buffy in another way as well.
It always broke his heart when people assumed they were dating and she would vehemently deny it. He knew she didn’t mean it in a cruel way, but he has been in love with Buffy since he first laid eyes on her. He just didn’t know how to tell her or how she would feel.
Most importantly, he didn’t want to lose her friendship.
All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don’t mean anything
When you’ve got no one to tell them to
Its true
I was made for you
Buffy’s and Will’s eyes met as the song came to an end, and the two teenagers smiled. But before either could say anything, the harsh voice of Will’s father, Liam, rang out, screaming Will’s name.
Will flashed Buffy an apologetic smile and hopped up as they untangled themselves from one another.
“I’ll be back. Let me go see what the old man wants now.”
Buffy smiled sweetly and nodded as Will hopped the fence to his own backyard.
***********************************************
“MO-O-O-M! I’m going to Will’s for the night!” Buffy screamed as she walked down the stairs and headed toward the front door.
Joyce quickly popped her head out of the kitchen and gave Buffy the look. “Not so fast, young lady.”
Buffy stopped in her tracks and sighed melodramatically before she made her way towards her waiting mother.
“You know I love Will...like a son, really. But Buffy, aren’t you two getting a little old for sleepovers?”
Buffy rolled her eyes and answered, “Never too old for sleepovers, Mom. I mean, it’s just Will! It’s not like we are going to…you know…”
“Have sex?”
“God, Mom! You don’t have to say it. Eeeew, the last thing I need is that image in my head.”
Now it was Joyce’s turn to roll her eyes. “Look, Buffy, just be careful, okay? I don’t know how much longer your Dad’s going to be okay with this.”
Buffy nodded, wondering why in the world it mattered. It wasn’t as if Dad was ever around, anyways. He spent most of his time at work or out of town on conference.
Joyce smiled at Buffy and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. “Go, and have fun, Honey! You better leave before Dawn sees and wants to come with.”
Buffy let out a very unladylike grunt and booked it out the door.
When she got to Will’s door, she knocked but didn’t wait for his response before walking right on in. Earlier, after he’d spoken with his dad, Will had called to let her know that his was leaving for the weekend... for “none of his damn business,” apparently. As soon as his Dad’s truck’s tires had left the driveway, Buffy headed over.
“Willie? Where are you?” She called, searching around the mess of a house for her friend.
“Back here!” he yelled back, from his room.
When Buffy reached his room, she noticed that many of his things were thrown across the floor. Her heart started to beat faster with concern as she swiveled her head rapidly in every direction, looking for Will. She bunched her eyebrows together in concern and then desperately grabbed for Will as soon as she noticed him looking up from the stack of papers he was perusing across the room.
It was clear that he could tell how scared she was for him when he jumped up, wrapped his arms around her and soothed,“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay, pet! Nothing happened. M’dad just wanted me to go through some stuff to get rid of some rubbish and whatnot.”
She pulled away from him and gave him a gentle shove. “Oh, my God, Will! You scared the hell out of me!”
He chuckled as the situation diffused. “Sorry, luv.”
She smiled gently up at him and shoved him away again. Surveying the mess around them, Buffy took a deep breath and said, “Well, come on. Let’s do this!”
She knelt down by one of the piles of “junk” he had laying around and began inspecting the contents. He motioned to one pile and said, “Trash,” pointed to another, “attic,” and then another, “and keepers.”
She nodded and knelt down on the floor, beginning on a stack. She tossed old school work into the trash pile without a second thought and threw books in the keepers pile. Then she paused as an old picture fell out from between two of the papers. Buffy glanced back at Will and found him distracted with what looked like old cards, so she took a closer look at the photograph.
The paper was old and faded, but she could see a beautiful woman with long flowing dark hair and striking, cat-like eyes. She wore a huge smile on her face and she gazed upon a tall man with bright blue eyes - so very similar to Will’s - who was gazing just as lovingly back at her. Buffy flipped the photograph over and tried to make out the cursive writing on the back. ‘Jenny and….’ The ink had become too faded with time and the remaining name wasn’t legible, but whoever it was clearly loved this Jenny woman a lot.
That’s when it hit Buffy that Jenny was the name of Will’s mom. Immediately, she found she was looking at the picture with new eyes. This woman was breathtakingly beautiful. She looked so happy. It was hard to imagine her the way Will had described. When he spoke of his mom, he spoke of a beautiful, dark woman. Never going into purely physical descriptions, he told her that he used to think she was an angel. Her beauty was that magnificent, but he also said that there was a sadness about her that he could never quite touch, almost as if she was lost in a world that had dragged her down.
As she privately considered the magnitude of her discovery, Buffy realized that there were no pictures of her at all throughout the house. In fact, this was the first time she had ever actually seen a picture of Will’s mom at all. Who was this mysterious man with her? Did Will know? If he did, why wouldn’t he have shown her this before?
“Um, Will?” He turned his blue gaze towards her questioning face. She held up the picture in a silent question.
Will’s eyes widened and he scurried hastily over to where Buffy sat holding the photograph. He took the weathered image from Buffy’s grasp and held it close to his face. Buffy noticed that tears had begun to pool up in his eyes.
“Who are they, Will?”
He looked away from the picture and blue eyes met green as he whispered, “It’s...it’s my mum…”
She nodded her head. She had assumed as much. “Is that your Dad?”
Will hurriedly shook his head, “No, actually I haven’t a clue who this man is.”
His brow furrowed, as if he was trying to recall if he’d ever met this man his mother look so blissful with. Clearly unable to come up with anything, Buffy watched as he shook his head again before getting up, fumbling through his top drawer and pulling out a small wooden box. Will carefully lifted the lid and gingerly placed the photograph inside before shutting it tight and hiding it back inside the mess of clothing in the drawer.
Buffy waited a moment and then said, “Are you okay?”
Her friend turned his head back towards her and smiled. “Yeah. It’s just been a while since I saw her.” He nodded towards one of the piles and said, “Let’s get this stuff up to the attic.”
He left the room for a few moments and returned with a cardboard box. Together, they cleared the keepers pile by piling the books and papers into the box.
“Why are you saving your old report cards?” Buffy asked with a curious grin. Her report cards rarely stuck around long enough to collect dust - she threw those suckers out as soon as possible. Hell, if she could have gotten away with tossing them before her mom could see them, she would have. And here he was saving his.
He shrugged his shoulder nonchalantly and responded, “I don’t know. Maybe one day I’ll want to look back and see how I was doing.”
She gave him a funny look before closing up the box and standing up. He stood beside her, carefully lifting the box as she pulled down the ladder to the attic and ushered him up the stairs.
Buffy couldn’t help but cough as an abundance of dust was unsettled, likely disturbed for the first time after who knew how long. She spun around slowly, peering at all of the boxes and furniture in the small storage space, amazed at what she saw. There was just so much. It was like finding a cave full of treasure.
“Wow, you never told me you had so much up here, Will.”
Again, he shrugged and said, “It’s just a bunch of junk.”
“I don’t know, there could be all kinds of treasure or secrets to find in here. You never got curious? Think about it. Your mom’s stuff could be up here!”
Now, Will look intrigued. Clearly, he had never given that much thought. He always assumed his careless father threw out most - if not all - of his mother’s things.
Noticing the curiosity on Will’s face, Buffy reached for his hand and gave it a firm squeeze. “Let’s look!”
Together, they rummaged through boxes and drawers. Most of them were full of old newspapers and trash - and Buffy couldn’t help but wonder why Will’s dad would put this crap in the attic instead of the garbage.
After hours of digging, they had yet to find anything of substance...until Buffy found a dusty old trunk lurking behind a few large boxes. She was convinced that it just looked like it was full of goodies.
“Will! Come quick!”
He rushed to her side, helping her pull and shimmy the trunk out into the open. Buffy looked up at Will with excited eyes and said, “Lets open it together!”
He chuckled and, together, they lifted the heavy lid.
Once the trunk was open, the two friends couldn’t believe what was inside. Buffy gasped in awe as her fingers trailed over what seemed to be a large amount of antique lace. Carefully unfolding it, she pulled out the fabric and realized it was a beautiful lace wedding gown. Buffy stood and held the dress up to the front of her body, gazing adoringly into the mirror across the room.
“Oh, Will. Look how beautiful it is. This stuff must be your mom’s!”
* * * * *******************************************
It was hard for Will to take his eyes off of Buffy. She was stunning, smiling in just that way and holding his mother’s wedding gown close over her heart. It was beyond any beautiful image he could dream up, and he found that his breath caught in his lungs.
Will shook himself from his reverie and turned back towards the trunk. With the wedding dress removed, countless pictures, letters, jewelry, and clothes had been revealed underneath. He couldn’t believe that his father had actually kept all of this.
Buffy carefully folded the delicate lace dress and placed it gently to the side of the trunk, then sat back down. She began pulling things out, one by one.
Photographs showed various people, most of whom Will assumed were his mother’s family. Reading the backs of some, his assumptions were confirmed - and he realized he was looking at his mother’s parents and sister. He had never seen any of his mother’s family before. It was amazing!
He pulled another pile out and found pictures of his mother laughing with girlfriends, which made him smile brightly. He also noted that many of the photos included the mysterious man from the picture Buffy had found earlier.
If Will didn’t know better, he would think that his mother was in love with this man - and he, her. He stopped his perusal of the pictures when he heard a gasp from the girl beside him.
“You okay, pet?” He asked hesitantly. Her hand was over her mouth and her eyes wide as saucers as she passed him the bundle of notes in her hands.
Then, one by one, he read them.
Dear Rupert,
Last night was amazing. I’ve never been with a man before, and the way you made me feel was incredible. I know it has only been a few short months, but I cannot imagine myself outside of your loving arms.
I know my family disagrees, but your financial position will not stop my love. I refuse to let you go over something as petty as wealth. Love is all I need; it is all I’ll ever need. Without you, I would wither away.
Please tell me my father has not scared you away. Let me know if you still feel the same.
Yours Truly,
Jenny
My darling Jenny,
Of course I feel the same. You are my heart, my soul, my entire being. You are my precious rose and I will not let you wither away. I could never leave your side.
The other night was special to me as well. You were my first lover, and I want you to be my last. I know I do not have much to offer you, my sweet, but I can promise you that I will work every day to be a better man, for you.
Marry me, darling.
R. Giles
Rupert,
Please do not take what my father said to heart. He cannot force an annulment on us. I do not care if he has intended me to another. We have already consummated our vows.
Please Rupert, do not let him get into your head. I cannot lose you!
Forever Yours,
Jenny
My darling Jennifer,
I am sorry but I have lied to the courts and they have granted an annulment. I understand now that I have nothing to offer you. Liam will be a much better provider for your future family. Marry him. Forget me.
The words I wish to say no longer matter. You are mine no longer.
I have returned your letters and gifts. Please let me go, sweet Jenny, for that is what I will do to you.
Be happy.
R. Giles
Buffy had tears running down her smooth cheeks and Will could hardly deny the tears that threatened to fall from his own as he roughly tore the unopened envelope and read the last letter that had been marked return to sender.
Rupert,
I know that I am now bound to another, but I have not given up hope that you will return to me and save me from this loveless marriage.
He was a liar, to us all. He has no wealth, no degree, nothing. We survive off the money my father sends. Although I refuse to take anything from him, Liam continues to beg like a vagrant.
How am I to accept anything from the man who tore me from your arms?
Nonetheless, I must let you know that I am pregnant. While I have been with Liam, I know that the child I am carrying is not his. I have not told him, but he suspects the truth. He is violent and ill tempered. While he has yet to place his hands on me, I fear for it every day. I fear for our child, Rupert.
Please respond to me. Let me know you still care. Save us from this monster.
Yours Truly,
Jenny
Will reread the last letter a number of times, feeling dizzy as the words seemed to fade in and out from the paper. As he slowly folded the letter back up, he turned with glazed eyes towards Buffy.
“Oh, Honey.” She cried and threw her arms around him. They sat in silence as her arms enveloped him, his body wracked with violent shaking and sobs tearing from his throat.
*****************************************************
After the emotional revelation in the attic, Buffy was afraid to let go of Will. She held him until she felts him nod off to sleep and then closed her eyes to join him, exhausted.
The next morning, she helped him tidy up the remaining piles and put things away.
Neither of them said a word about the letters they‘d found. Will was clearly confused and shocked, and Buffy just didn’t know what to say or how to handle this. For a moment, it occurred to her that it was very rare to be caught speechless - but here she was, being just that.
Will was her friend, her very best friend. She’d watched for years as his “father” abused him, both verbally and physically. Now that she knew there was a chance that that bastard wasn’t actually his father - and that his real father could be out there somewhere - she didn’t know how she should handle it. She wanted to help Will. Better yet, she knew that she could help him...and she already had the information she needed.
But right now, he needed time to process everything. So time, at least for now, is what she would give him.
************************************************************
Two weeks later, neither Buffy nor Will had yet to say a word about the letters. On the way home from school, Buffy couldn’t help but take the first step in clearing the air.
“Look Will, we both know what we read in those letters has been on our minds. What do you think of finding this Rupert guy? We could find him and we could get a DNA test! You could get the hell away from your bastard dad...or well possibly bastard...not…dad…you know what I mean.”
The smile that always seemed to be on Will’s face when he was in her presence disappeared, and Will looked calmly down to the ground.
Buffy didn’t know what to think. Was he ignoring her? “Well? What do you think, babe?”
When Will finally looked up, Buffy was shocked by the venom in his eyes. She had never seen Will angry...at least not at her.
“No.”
And that was it. That was all Will said before he sped up his pace and forced Buffy into a brisk jog.
“No, what, Will? You don’t want to find out if this guy is really your dad?” Buffy asked.
“No.”
She was shocked. If it were her, she would be dying to know the truth...but then again, no matter how much they loved each other, she and Will were very different.
“W-why?”
Will stopped walking and turned to face her. “I just don’t, Buffy. Can you respect that? I’m always doing what you want. This time, for once, can you do what I want?”
Buffy couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She always considered Will’s feelings and interests. She never felt like she was being selfish. Was she being selfish? No. Sure, she was curious, but this wasn’t just about that. Will deserved better than his “dad” and the abuse he dished out.
“Are you serious, Will? You know it’s not like that. I want to help you.”
“Well, help me by staying out of it.” And with that, Will walked away, effectively silencing Buffy’s reply and leaving her standing there, hurt and confused.
***************************************************
Two weeks had passed since the fight, and neither had actually spoken more than a couple words to the other. In the six years since they’d met, Buffy and Will had never gone more than a day or two without at least talking...and the separation was taking its toll on Will.
Deliberately keeping himself unavailable, Will went right to school every morning and right home after school every afternoon. He ignored Buffy’s calls - and eventually didn’t even pick up when Xander or Willow phoned. He had even been eating lunch alone in the library. He knew that the way he was acting was hurting his friends - especially Buffy - but for the first time in years, he couldn’t focus on that.
All he could think about was those letters.
He spent so much of his time trying not to think of them that it was becoming extremely distracting. He knew Buffy well, and he knew that she had his best interests at heart, but he couldn’t take this seriously. He couldn’t get his hopes up.
And even if he did, whoever this guy was, he’d abandoned his mother. Why should he look for a wanker like that? He didn’t see how that was any better than Liam.
Will was aware that he was withdrawing into himself, but he’d stopped caring. He felt less and less like William, and more and more like someone he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.
A few nights before, Will had swiped a few of his dad’s beers and downed them in his room. It was bloody scary, just how good it made him feel. He loved how it made him forget...forget about his shitty life, his dead mum, that poof Rupert Giles.
But it didn’t make him forget about how much he was hurting Buffy.
Buffy couldn’t stop thinking of Will and his situation. She didn’t have anyone to talk to about it. While Will would have obviously been her first choice, she didn’t want to take advantage of their fight and break his trust by telling Willow or Xander about what was going on.
As a result, most nights she would sit in her room and cry. She cried because she missed her friend, because she didn’t know how to make it right, and because of what he was going through.
The other day at school, she actually saw him talking to Drusilla Manning. She was the school goth...and as far as most of the high school was concerned, was also the Whore of Sunnydale. Why would he even be talking to her? They had nothing in common.
Then again, she thought sadly, neither do he and I.
Every time she tried to speak to him at school, Will mumbled a few words and walked away. She just couldn’t handle not having him around. He was her person, and she could see him changing before her eyes. That innocent twinkle in Will’s eyes was gone...and in its place something very dark and very sad.
She was doing everything she could think of to try and make things right, but it seemed like that just didn’t matter to Will. Willow assured her that he would pull through and that he just needed time, but Buffy wasn’t sure.
One thing was for sure, though. This time she wasn’t going to make the mistake of not giving him enough time.
*****************************************
Will was beginning to agree with the old adage about time healing. A few weeks had passed and he felt like a different man...and, bloody hell, he was okay with that. He’d met a new girl, Drusilla, who blew his fucking mind. He’d sneak her into his house late at night and let her do things to him that he’d never in his lifetime experienced.
It was amazing.
Instead of sitting around talking like a bunch of poofs, they’d go out to the empty lot a few blocks down and get lit. Other kids would show up and they’d all share bottles. Every now and then, a joint would get passed around.
Will had never felt better in all of his 16 years.
Rupert, who?
Buffy, who?
He laughed loudly as he felt a slender hand press into his. He turned his head to look into the ice blue, thickly lined eyes of his girlfriend, Drusilla.
“All giggles and tickles, my Spikey.”
At first, he blanched at the pet name she had given him after their first time together. Hated it, in fact. Then he realized that this could be the start of a new him. He could forget about poncy William and become a brand new man.
He smiled sexily at Dru, running his tongue along the back of his teeth.
“Call me Spike, luv.”
This time, it was Dru who cackled wildly, running her hands up and down his arms.
“Spike it is, then. Goodbye…Spike.” She added extra emphasis on his newly professed name before walking away down the path to her home. He stared at as the way she swayed her hips as she walked away, watching her until he could no longer see her, and then he himself headed home.
He had an idea that he was dying to make a reality.
He was going to change more than his name.
****************************************************
Buffy, Willow, and Xander sat on the stairs off her front porch, talking about this thing they’d noticed developing between Drusilla and Will. They all agreed that it was odd that the more time Will spent with Dru, the more and more different he seemed to become. First, it was his attitude, then his clothes, and now Buffy had actually caught him sneaking Dru into his room.
“I don’t know guys, maybe this is it. Goodbye, Will. Hello, Captain Depresso.” Xander exclaimed to the girls, trying in vain to liven their spirits.
Buffy rolled her eyes and sighed, then she responded, “This isn’t it, Xander. I don’t care how much he changes, he is still my friend. He always will be. I just have to…figure out how to reach him.”
Willow gave her a sympathetic smile and patted her hand. “Come on, Buff! Don’t get sad. Think about your date tonight...w-with Angel!” She said, nodding her head enthusiastically and opening her eyes as wide as saucers.
Oh yeah, Angel, Buffy thought, surprised she had forgotten so easily at the mention of Will.
“You’re right, Willow. Maybe I’ll even go over to Will’s to let him know that I…” Her words were cut short as she heard Will’s front door open, and the very person she was just speaking of stepped outside.
All three of the teenagers sat in a stupor, jaws dropped at the sight of the boy walking out.
“Speak of the devil.” Xander mumbled. “Wait, that is Will, right?”
It was Will, all right, clad in slim-fitting black jeans and combat boots, with a skin-tight black shirt under an unbuttoned red shirt. Of course, that wasn’t what had stunned the three teens who watched him from Buffy’s front yard. No, it was his hair...platinum blonde and slicked back with what looked like a gallon of industrial-strength hair gel.
“Will?” Buffy questioned loudly as he awkwardly walked by. When he didn’t respond, she called out louder, “WILL!”
He stopped in front of Buffy’s house and turned towards her. “Spike.”
She tilted her head to the side, squinting her eyes in confusion and deliberately flashing him a look that screamed what the hell? She countered, “Huh?”
“Spike. It’s Spike. That’s my name now. Not William, not Will, not Willie. Spike.”
Without meaning to, Buffy let out a laugh. “Ok, Spike. What’s up with the hair?”
“You like it do you, pet?” He asked with a wicked grin.
“I...I…I...” She stammered, realizing that she actually did. As much as she hated to admit it, this new look kind of got her motor going. She was seeing Will...er, Spike in a new light. The tone he was using had her more than confused, though.
“Whatever. Is there something you want, pet?”
Buffy smiled at Xander and Willow before stepping down and striding to the end of the walkway, stopping right in front of Spike.
“What’s going on Wi…Spike? This isn’t like you.”
“Ha! That’s funny, because I don’t think you really know what I’m like. At least not anymore, sweets.”
Buffy immediately withdrew, stung, and decided the whole sweet girl act just wasn’t going to work with this defensive punk.
“Look Spike, I’m your friend whether you want me to be or not. I know that what we found out is messing with you. And, sure, maybe I fucked up by pushing you to look into it. But God, I’m just human! I want my friend back. Please.” She didn’t mean to start crying but couldn’t stop the tears that fell freely from her green eyes.
For a second, it seemed as if Spike wanted to reach out to her and hold her in his arms, just as he had done when she’d been upset in the past. Then she watched as his eyes transitioned from sympathetic to cold, and his arms tightened against his side. It was as if it had occurred to him that he wasn’t that person - her person - anymore.
“Stop it, luv. You know I’ve never been able to take your tears. Just let me go. I’ve done the same to you.” Buffy didn’t miss how his words paralleled those written by the man who had obviously loved - and lost - his mother all those years before.
“No. No!” Buffy was so resolute she almost stomped her foot like a toddler throwing a tantrum. “I won’t accept that. I know it’s not true. I love you, Will!”
“Spike! IT’S SPIKE! And I loved you, too, Buffy, but I loved you more. While you yapped on and on about Ford...and then started in yappin’ about that ponce, Angel...I just sat there and pined over you, wishin’ I was one of those boys you couldn’t stop talkin’ about.” At the look of shock on her face, he continued, “Yeah, I bet you never even noticed, didja?”
Buffy felt as if she could do nothing but blink at Will.
“You’re a tease Buffy. That’s what you are,” Will went on. “And now that I’ve stopped pinin’ after you, you can’t handle it. You can’t handle not having your bloody bag boy there to follow you around like a man possessed .”
Buffy stammered. “I...I…Will, I never…”
“Don’t. Just don’t. It’s over, Buffy.” And with that, he looked over her shoulder with sad eyes and threw up two of his black-nailed fingers at the two teens who sat, still frozen, on the stairs behind. “Xander, Willow.”
And with that, he walked away, leaving Buffy to pick up the shattered pieces of her broken heart.
* * * * * ***************************
Willow and Xander perched at the top of the steps leading to Buffy’s house, watching as the scene played out in front of them. Xander draw in a sharp breath as Buffy started crying - he’d always had a thing for the petite blonde - and then his eyelids closed in sympathy for his friend after witnessing Will’s indifference.
“What is up with him?” he heard Willow whisper incredulously.
Xander slowly shook his head. He, like Willow, could barely believe how Will was acting. In all the years that they had known each other, Will was always the nicest guy, the most caring listener, the most loyal friend. Above all, he obviously cared deeply about Buffy. Hearing the way he spoke to her made Xander cringe.
“It feels like we just lost one of our closest friends,” he whispered back. Silently Xander added, while the other is left for us to put back together.
************************************
Buffy stood absolutely still for several seconds after Will had walked away. When she didn’t turn around, Xander walked to her and placed his hand on her shoulder. Willow followed, walking around Buffy and stooping slightly to peer up into her friend’s tearful eyes.
A small smile from Willow and a gentle nudge from Xander encouraged Buffy to turn back towards the house, and the two friends guided the blonde swiftly inside.
After walking a dazed Buffy up the stairs and setting her gently on her bed, Willow looked over at Xander and silently motioned for him to say or do something. Xander fervently shook his head and signaled for Willow to go. With a sign, Willow sat next to her friend.
“Um, h-hey, Buffy. Are you…you know…how are…” Willow coughed nervously before continuing, “You ok?
Buffy gazed over at Willow with a blank expression. “He loved me, Willow. He was in love with me. Did you know?”
Willows eyes widened and she looked frantically over at Xander who was nervously biting his lip across from them.
“Um, well…I always thought that could be the case.”
Buffy looked quickly over at Xander. “What about you?”
Xander shuffled anxiously before nodding. At the hurt look in Buffy’s eyes Xander spoke up. “We weren’t like one hundred percent sure or anything, Buff. It was just…well; you know…it was the way he looked at you.”
Buffy nodded, solemnly. “So it was just me who was blind them. God, how could I be so stupid. The things I said, the way I talked about other guys in front of him…”a sob escaped her throat as he hand came flying to her chest, “I must have hurt him so bad, and I didn’t even know it. I’m supposed to be his best friend. How could I not know it?” Turning her head into Willows shoulder, Buffy let herself cry in earnest now.
Awkwardly, Willow placed her arms around her friend and sniffled back her own tears. Xander cautiously came up to the girls and enveloped them both in his arms. For a while, they just stayed like that, holding each other, while Buffy cried, all missing their friend.
TBC...
