aaaaaaaaaaahahahahaha
Dear Dogs and Cats,
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch
positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note,
placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not
stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish nor do I
find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't
help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very
sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the
couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats
sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not
necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out
to ! the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails
straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to
maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the
bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get
the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try
to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to
pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.
In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine
or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other ! dogs or
cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a
simple change for you.
To pacify you, I have posted the following message on our front
door.....
Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about
my pets:
1. My pets live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture.
3. Although they can be a nuisance, I like my pets better than I
like many people.
4. To you it's an animal. To me he/she is an adopted
son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and,
due to an apparent learning disability and/or an attention
deficit disorder, doesn't speak clearly.
5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask
for money all the time, and are easier to train. They usually
come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with
drug-using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about
buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't
need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant,
you can sell the results.
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch
positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note,
placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not
stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish nor do I
find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't
help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very
sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the
couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats
sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not
necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out
to ! the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails
straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to
maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the
bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get
the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try
to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to
pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.
In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine
or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other ! dogs or
cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a
simple change for you.
To pacify you, I have posted the following message on our front
door.....
Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about
my pets:
1. My pets live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture.
3. Although they can be a nuisance, I like my pets better than I
like many people.
4. To you it's an animal. To me he/she is an adopted
son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and,
due to an apparent learning disability and/or an attention
deficit disorder, doesn't speak clearly.
5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask
for money all the time, and are easier to train. They usually
come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with
drug-using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about
buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't
need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant,
you can sell the results.