Musing on matrimony
Yesterday this girl was talking to her boyfriend on the phone here at work and when she mentioned that they had been dating for 3 years one of the guys piped up, "Why doesn't that boy marry you?"
I said, "Pphfft, my boyfriend and I have been dating for, like, 5 years."
He looked at me incredulously. "Let me talk to that boy." He said with a smile.
I replied, "Yeah, you do that. See if he ever talks about getting married ever again."
The conversation wound down after that, but it got me thinking. Yeah, James and I have been together for a long time, much of it when we were just kids and in no shape to get married to one another. Now we're older and we've talked about it a few times, but he always says that he's not ready. Frankly, I'm not sure that I am either.
And the real thing that worries me (though I'm not sure why I'm worried at all...) is that we'll never be ready. I worry that he and I don't love one another enough to get married, and we really don't want to spend the rest of our lives (theoretically) together. Is that why he hasn't ever asked me? Because he wants to be able to walk out with no strings attached? And would I say 'no' if he asked for the very same reason?
It's a very depressing thing to think on for very long.
Besides, what does marriage even mean anymore? Nearly everyone we know has been divorced at least once if not more and I'm sure that at one time or another the people in those relationships thought to themselves (or told each other) that it was going to last forever. Nothing ever does, so why bind yourself financially to another person when the odds are that you're not going to be together for the rest of all time? Why not just keep it so you can leave without having to file and split your shit up?
But then again, why let fear of splitting up stop us from getting together? What the hell does it even mean to get married to someone? Can't you love a person just as much without doing the whole flowers-and-cake thing? Why does the guy at work want to have a "talking to" with James for not marrying me even though we've been together since we were kids? Why does just thinking about it make me feel inferior and like maybe I'm just not good enough to be married to anyone and that's why he hasn't asked?
It's a totally asinine, childish notion and yet that's what keeps filling my head. The whole line of thought is totally ridiculous, but I can't keep myself from thinking it.
Why do I feel like I'm trapped in a bad fanfic? *le angst*
I said, "Pphfft, my boyfriend and I have been dating for, like, 5 years."
He looked at me incredulously. "Let me talk to that boy." He said with a smile.
I replied, "Yeah, you do that. See if he ever talks about getting married ever again."
The conversation wound down after that, but it got me thinking. Yeah, James and I have been together for a long time, much of it when we were just kids and in no shape to get married to one another. Now we're older and we've talked about it a few times, but he always says that he's not ready. Frankly, I'm not sure that I am either.
And the real thing that worries me (though I'm not sure why I'm worried at all...) is that we'll never be ready. I worry that he and I don't love one another enough to get married, and we really don't want to spend the rest of our lives (theoretically) together. Is that why he hasn't ever asked me? Because he wants to be able to walk out with no strings attached? And would I say 'no' if he asked for the very same reason?
It's a very depressing thing to think on for very long.
Besides, what does marriage even mean anymore? Nearly everyone we know has been divorced at least once if not more and I'm sure that at one time or another the people in those relationships thought to themselves (or told each other) that it was going to last forever. Nothing ever does, so why bind yourself financially to another person when the odds are that you're not going to be together for the rest of all time? Why not just keep it so you can leave without having to file and split your shit up?
But then again, why let fear of splitting up stop us from getting together? What the hell does it even mean to get married to someone? Can't you love a person just as much without doing the whole flowers-and-cake thing? Why does the guy at work want to have a "talking to" with James for not marrying me even though we've been together since we were kids? Why does just thinking about it make me feel inferior and like maybe I'm just not good enough to be married to anyone and that's why he hasn't asked?
It's a totally asinine, childish notion and yet that's what keeps filling my head. The whole line of thought is totally ridiculous, but I can't keep myself from thinking it.
Why do I feel like I'm trapped in a bad fanfic? *le angst*