Sometimes we push away the things we need most
You ever have those moments in your life that you never ever want to relive. The moments that have hurt you the most. When you really need the person you love the most with you and they need space and dont want to be with you. 7 months today and he tells me he needs a break, and some space. and im going to need him tomorrow i know i will. its going to be so hard to get threw tomorrow. all the memories with that person. and a year to date tomorrow they left you. and you;; never see them again. when someone body dies you need the one person who has always comforted you and told you they loved you and i can get threw it. but i wont have him when i need him to tell me this to reassure me. Im on my own with this. he doesnt want to see me till saturday and i dont understand why. he hasnt givin me a reason. first his ex fucks with his head and on are aniversery he needs space and wants me to be strong when tomorrow is a year to date that my good friend died. what is he doing to me. he says hes stressed well so am i hunny. we both started new stressful jobs. but seeing him after work kinda lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. i know im in the arms of someone i love and who loves me back. he tells me i have nothing to worry about. is it true? i hope so. ive let my gaurd down. he has it all. everything i have to give is in his hands. yeah i have insecurities but we all do. guys hide thier emotions girls let it out. i cant help but cry when all i can think about is him leaving me. he says me crying makes him want to spend more time away from me. does he expect me to be fine with this. how can i. would you. this week has beeen the worst week ever. we were so happy and so in love until this week. and he seems distant and like he doesnt want to be with me. it kinda reminds me of the line in the notebook were she says "a girl knows when you looks into your eyes and sees you thinking about someone else" im only hoping this is for the better and after this we can go back to how we used to be happy and in love. everything happens for a reason right. i just wish i knew what this reason was. he wants to know i can go on without him supporting me. isnt that what a relationship is about. supporting each other and being commited and loving the person. im scared im scared out of my mind. i wish i knew what to do. im scared about tomorrow night. its a friday what will he do? i keep getting paronid hes with her. i trust him so much. and he knows it. i dont think he would do that to me. everyone said we were so perfect and what could of went wrong. was it me? is it him? was it her? the thought of not being with him makes me want to die. tears just roll down my face. and i cant stop them. im trying to be strong i really am. i just hope he doesnt need any longer. its not fair to me. or anyone. its not fair that im worried and worked up. not knowing whats going on and what hes thinking. not knowing what will happen tomorrow. not knowing whats bothering him. i shouldnt be this worried and maybe im just looking into this to far. ill give him his space. just now isnt the right time. its scary to know that your whole heart is in the hands of one person who you love so much. and he can break it. i stare at his pictures on my wall. i wonder what happened to us. he tells me i have nothing to worry about and he still wants to be with me and he still loves me and wants a future. i jsut dont understand if i make him happy and he cares about me why does he need time away from the person who can make him happy. sometimes i wish i could go back and change things. but then again i dont. i dont think i overreacted about the ex girlfriend. hed act the same with without tears though. i know if he was in my shoes and this whole thing would be reversed hed be upset and confused. WHY NOW! im starting to hate myself. i feel like ive pushed him away ive pushed him to this. ive been gone for 10 days and he still needs space. what did i do wrong. but he can start pushing me away if he makes me wait any longer. its not fair to me. but not seeing him is just making this worse. i wish he could just hold me and talk to me instead of talking to me on the phone. whats wrong with me? i find someone iam SOO fucking happy with and want to be with forever. and then when i least expect it he runs away.