Senior year update
Meh, I don't even know why I even bother to update this journal...probably because I need to rant my behind off. I'm not even sure why I'm so frustrated so maybe this will help.
I know I have changed since my uncle's death. I don't even recognize myself as the same person last year. I didn't even realize how much I've changed until I was looking through my photos for some pictures to use in Art, only to find pictures from my uncle's funeral. I just broke into tears as I ranted to Jeremy online. It's like I'm dragging an infinitely heavy burden on me without even knowing it was there. I catch myself doing things that I'm not familiar doing. I've even stopped biting my fingernails, I remember what I'm supposed to do, and I've been sleeping on time. I'm more outspoken and precise in my thoughts, yet at the same time, I don't know what I'm doing but...I'm learning somehow--learning how to deal with the quiet turmoil that slumbers in me from time to time.
Then there's the other thing. I don't kow if my girl instincts have finally kicked their way into my brain, but I'm starting to feel like a...deadbeat. I feel bad for ranting to some guys just randomly when I'm upset; it's just not their problem. I shouldn't be such a downer on everyone else's day just because I'm feeling out of control of my emotions. I can't help it though; I can't help that I feel like I'm the "owner of a lonely heart." My friends aren't at school anymore since they graduated or went to the state school for math and science. Most of my favorite teachers are gone, and I feel just awkward talking to those who remain. It's like I don't have that much to say anymore.
My hobbies, my passion, and my work have all been distractions for me lately. Distractions from the agonizing pain from recalling the regret I have for my uncle. Distractions from the lack of my friends present. Distractions from the feelings that leave me feeling helpless.
"Those who fend to fight have more to save than those who flight to flee." -miss_spidergirl/memoryblade/Missy
I know I have changed since my uncle's death. I don't even recognize myself as the same person last year. I didn't even realize how much I've changed until I was looking through my photos for some pictures to use in Art, only to find pictures from my uncle's funeral. I just broke into tears as I ranted to Jeremy online. It's like I'm dragging an infinitely heavy burden on me without even knowing it was there. I catch myself doing things that I'm not familiar doing. I've even stopped biting my fingernails, I remember what I'm supposed to do, and I've been sleeping on time. I'm more outspoken and precise in my thoughts, yet at the same time, I don't know what I'm doing but...I'm learning somehow--learning how to deal with the quiet turmoil that slumbers in me from time to time.
Then there's the other thing. I don't kow if my girl instincts have finally kicked their way into my brain, but I'm starting to feel like a...deadbeat. I feel bad for ranting to some guys just randomly when I'm upset; it's just not their problem. I shouldn't be such a downer on everyone else's day just because I'm feeling out of control of my emotions. I can't help it though; I can't help that I feel like I'm the "owner of a lonely heart." My friends aren't at school anymore since they graduated or went to the state school for math and science. Most of my favorite teachers are gone, and I feel just awkward talking to those who remain. It's like I don't have that much to say anymore.
My hobbies, my passion, and my work have all been distractions for me lately. Distractions from the agonizing pain from recalling the regret I have for my uncle. Distractions from the lack of my friends present. Distractions from the feelings that leave me feeling helpless.
"Those who fend to fight have more to save than those who flight to flee." -miss_spidergirl/memoryblade/Missy