Gosh...
Gosh.... I have a mix of good and a mix of bad. Good first..
I finally passed my math class!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is all.... But I think I cried a little when I saw I got a C+.
Im quitting smoking.... Again :) You may remember that I quit smoking Augest last year. I restarted In July this year, back to over a pack a day, now Im quitting again. Havent smoked since Sunday, its been a bitch crazy emotions. Crying over nothing. Monday was bad. I was just like... Surfing the net ( playing WoW) and felt sick and soooooo depressed and wanting to kill everyone and wanting to cut myself. I just cried.... But now, today I just had like 2 crying bouts, its been ok. I went hiking with a group of lesbians (and a few trans) on Sunday. Minutes into the hike I was wheezing and just hating life! And it was a WAY easy hike compared to the hikes that I did in June! ( I hike like once or twice a week in June) Thats why Im quitting.
Bill moved back in with me a month or so ago... I was enjoying my aloneness. But not only did he move in... His wife moved back to Utah this Saturday, and where she live? My one bedroom of course. So I have 2 freeloaders in my living room. Hooray. ITs weird seeing them together.... She is weird. She is clingy and thinks she knows everything. But at least it will get him off my back for sex. Because I hate that. She is actually kind of looking for a job.
My biggest issue with the situation is NOT having 2 freeloaders... Its the change in the relationship with his family and me Im worried about. I love his kids. I call them my kids or my step kids usually. They are amazing... And now that she is back, she will take over. Who will he take to family functions?? His wife of course.... Who will he take camping? His wife of course.... And even if he did take me camping with his family, where would I sleep? Where before I slept with him. The kids and her are reliving old memories they had together. Im afraid I will soon be pushed out of their lives. Although one of them did get upset when she heard that the wife (whos name is Mandy oddly) was coming back because she diddnt want me to have another freeloader :) Ive never expressed to those kids how much I do love them.... Now its to late.