Title: Full Circle
Author: Miss Shad
Fandom: xxxHolic
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mild AU
Summary: The story of Kimihiro Watanuki and Shizuka Doumeki. One yearns to know where he belongs, the other yearns to feel needed. Through the ties of their fates--and a little help from a certain Dimensional Witch--they may find both.
Previous Chapters:
Prelude & 1-2, 3, 4, 5,
6,
7 CHAPTER 8:
DON'T DISAPPEAR
The land was mysterious and gray, with a thin, cooling mist permeating its atmosphere. It was barren also, featureless except for the river which Kimihiro found himself walking along the bank of.
The river was sparkling clear, almost otherworldly. Kimihiro stopped and gazed at his reflection, which he could see perfectly even though he was not wearing his glasses.
Then a wind blew past, chilling him to the bone and stirring the water’s surface. When the breeze settled, his reflection changed-it was no longer his image, but that of a brown haired boy whose look was both urgent and pleading.
“Don’t disappear!” said the boy. “Whatever you do, don’t disappear!”
The words stung Kimihiro’s nerves. With widened eyes he backed away from the river, stumbling and falling flat on his rump.
Whatever little light this realm held was snuffed out like a candle, and Kimihiro heard the clanging of a large metallic door being slammed shut. Then a dim light slowly returned, and he saw that he was surrounded by great imposing bars on all sides…the bars of a cage.
He ran to the locked door of the cage and rattled it as violently as he could. “Help!” he cried. “Help! Please! Let me out! Let me out! PLEASE!”
“Kimihiro!” A voice called faintly, but he couldn’t hear it above his screams. “Kimihiro!” it repeated, a bit louder this time. “Kimihiro!”
Kimihiro’s eyes shot wide open. Hinanjo was standing over him, and he saw that he was on the couch nestled in a blue and white striped blanket. He sighed deeply.
“Are you okay?” said Hinanjo. “You were thrashing around a lot; I nearly thought you were going to hurt yourself.”
Kimihiro pushed the blanket away and sat up. “I had a bad dream,” he said sadly, yawning and putting his glasses back on.
“The cage again?”
Kimihiro nodded.
Hinanjo hugged him and patted his back. She could still feel his heart hammering away in his chest. “I’m sorry.”
“Mama…” Kimihiro muttered as Hinanjo let go of him, “I’m not gonna disappear, am I?”
“Disappear?” said Hinanjo, baffled. “That’s impossible; where did you get that idea?”
“It…it was in the dream.”
Hinanjo let out a disapproving sigh. “Kimihiro, I told you not to eat so much before taking your nap.”
Kimihiro frowned and put a hand on his belly. “Dumb tuna! Why’d you have to taste so good?”
Hinanjo turned to head back to the kitchen. “Well, just listen to me next time, okay?”
“Okay.”
Kimihiro slumped down on the couch, his head propped up on a pillow that sat on the armrest. He wore a red t-shirt of Mamoru’s that was much too big for him, the wide collar exposing his left shoulder. On the television, a small metal ball zigzagged through an elaborate Rube Goldberg machine. Without taking his eyes off the screen, Kimihiro reached for the half-empty box of Pocky on the end table and grabbed a stick, popping it into his mouth. Soon growing bored with the television he slouched further, idly wiggling his toes. Twirling the stick of Pocky around in his mouth, he looked down at the floor. He had been contentedly playing in front of the couch prior to his afternoon nap, and the toys strewn on the floor-wooden blocks, a squeaky hammer and a drawing pad-were evidence of this.
Sitting up and finishing off the Pocky, he decided to scribble in the drawing pad again. He got off the couch and laid on the floor, the drawing pad in front of him and a dark blue crayon in his hand. He flipped through his previous drawings and soon found a nice blank page.
But what was he going to draw? He stared at the blank paper quizzically and scratched the side of his head with the crayon. Could he draw an animal? No, he had already drawn plenty of animals. Maybe himself and his family? No, he had tried that before and was only able to produce crude stick figures. Perhaps a cage-no, he immediately recoiled at the thought. Why did his mind wander back to that dreadful dream?
Looking up at the ceiling, he recalled the words of the other boy in his dream.
Don’t disappear.
His mother said it was impossible, but what did it really mean? And why did the boy say it so seriously? Could “disappear” mean becoming lost forever, like Kimihiro thought he would surely be when he was separated his mother in the mall?
And then Yuko came to mind.
Yuko, whom he had to thank (in part) for getting him home safe and sound after the horrific mall incident. Yuko, whose words made no sense to him yet resonated oddly in his soul. Yuko, who was now occupying his mind at an alarming rate.
He remembered her beautiful butterfly necklace, one of the first things that caught his eye when he saw her. Then, by pure compulsion, he began drawing butterflies with a strange fervor. Before long, a veritable swarm of them had filled the blank page.
“Nice work there, Kimi!”
Kimihiro had been too engrossed in his drawing to notice Mamoru standing over him. Flinching, he looked up. “Oh…hi Dad…”
“Butterflies, hmmm?” said Mamoru.
“Y-Yeah…” Kimihiro remembered that he was not to mention the encounter with Yuko to his parents. “It’s…I…I’m makin’ a card for Cousin Eriol.”
“Cousin Eriol?” said Mamoru. Cousin Eriol lived in England, and only saw the Watanukis on the rarest of occasions. “Why?”
Kimihiro cringed. “Umm…I…I…j-just thought he’d like it…”
“Well then, I’m sure he will.” Mamoru walked past him and sat down on the couch, moving the blanket and pillow.
Kimihiro sighed, relieved that his father had not asked him any further questions. He laid the crayon aside and joined him on the couch. “So…so how was work?”
“Oh, fine,” said Mamoru, changing the channel. “Much better than yesterday anyway.” He shook his head. “I swear if that Mrs. Urusai ever orders another cake it’ll be the death of me…”
Kimihiro giggled softly.
“Speaking of which,” said Mamoru, “you had quite an adventure yesterday, didn’t you?”
A stinging feeling shot straight up Kimihiro’s spine, and he nearly lost his breath. “Y-Y-Yeah…yeah I did…I-I got lost…and…stuff…”
“And Shizuka found you, isn’t that right?”
“Shizuka? Oh…oh yeah, Shizuka found me…yep, yep, just Shizuka, n-nobody else…”
Mamoru smiled eagerly. “And wasn’t that nice of him?”
“Ummm…” Kimihiro took a deep breath and tried to act interested. “Yeah! Yeah, it was really nice!”
Mamoru nearly sprung up off the couch. “Ha! I knew you’d see it!”
“See what?”
“See that Shizuka is a marvelous friend, of course! Your papa’s not the bonehead that some say!”
Mamoru glanced over at a group of framed pictures atop the bookcase and mumbled, “They know who they are…” He turned back to Kimihiro and cleared his throat. “And don’t you just love him already? Don’t you just want to play with him all day?”
Kimihiro’s face fell. “Dad, I-”
“Of COURSE you do! And that’s why I’m going to make sure you get to do just that!”
“But Dad-”
“What would you like to do with him? Go to the park, the beach, maybe even Tokyo Disneyland?”
“Dad, stop it-”
“Ha! I know!” Mamoru snapped his fingers, beaming. “A picnic! Yes, a wonderful picnic! With the whole Doumeki family, too! The weather’s been just perfect for such a thing, after all…”
Kimihiro shook his head and glowered. “Dad, I DON’T LIKE SHIZUKA!”
Mamoru regarded his son awkwardly for a moment, blinking. “But…don’t you think you should?”
“Huh?”
“Remember how sad you were a few days ago? When you were crying because you were lonely and
the other kids made fun of your…mmm, affliction?”
“My what?”
“Those things you see.”
“Oh. Yeah…that was awful…”
“And didn’t you think of how nice it would be to have someone who treated you well? I know I did…the whole thing broke my heart.”
“It did?”
“Of course. I remember what it was like to have your ill fortune. The friends I had who understood me were few and far between, and when my family moved from Narita to Tokyo I lost all contact with them. So you can imagine how happy I was when I met the Doumekis! In fact, that’s how I know they’re such wonderful people!”
“But Shizuka isn’t!”
Mamoru smiled understandingly. “If it helps you at all, I didn’t get along with Shizuka’s uncle Tsuduki very well at first either.”
“How come?”
“Well, that little fellow was a daft troublemaker if ever I saw one! He teased his sister all the time, he pulled foolish pranks on me, and got himself into messes I knew my parents would never stand for! And whenever he knew that I had just one nerve left, he’d stop at nothing to get on it!”
“Geez!” said Kimihiro. “That’s awful!”
“Indeed it was! One day my patience with him wore so thin that I vowed to avoid him at all costs. And I did…for a while. But like you, I had all those dreadful problems with spirits. So one day I was walking home in the rain, and a great big one burst out of a deep puddle and came after me! I tried to outrun it, but I wound up falling in the mud. Then, when it looked like the spirit was about to close in for the kill…guess who showed up?”
“Shizuka’s uncle?”
“Right you are! And not only did he take me back to the temple to get cleaned up, he made the spirit go away. You see, the Doumekis have a special gift for fending off those awful things.”
“Like Mama used to?”
“Yes, but she was trained to do it. The Doumekis are born with their power. And so, from that day on I realized just how fortunate I was to have Tsuduki around…even if he did still delight in trying my patience.” Mamoru shook his head. “Good old Duki. I’m sure he’s still the same as ever…”
“But what’s that got to do with Shizuka and me?”
“Everything! If Shizuka’s anything like the rest of his family, he’s sure to keep you safe from spirits. Don’t you see just how perfect that would be?”
Kimihiro groaned. “Can’t it be somebody else?”
“I’m afraid not. In this day and age it’s ever so hard to find people like the Doumekis…people who don’t scoff at the supernatural. That’s why you should be grateful to have Shizuka, even if he’s the only such friend you ever have.”
Kimihiro fidgeted slightly. “Would Shizuka keep me from disappearing?”
Mamoru raised an eyebrow. “Disappearing? What do you mean?”
“Like…being gone forever?”
“How would that happen?”
Kimihiro closed his eyes tightly, shuddering. “I don’t know! I just know I’m never supposed to!”
Mamoru put a hand on Kimihiro’s shoulder. Why was such an absurd idea causing his son so much emotion? “Settle down, Kimi, you’re not going to disappear…at least not if I have anything to say about it.”
Kimihiro looked up. “Are you sure?”
“Of course.”
Kimihiro sighed. “Dad…why was I born?”
“Why, because Mom and I wanted a sweet lad like you to love,” said Mamoru. “The dearest reason I know. Why do you ask?”
Kimihiro looked down uncomfortably. “You sure there wasn’t another reason?”
“Whatever would that be?”
“I…I dunno…”
“Well now then, there’s another reason why you need Shizuka-you’re spending far too much time filling your head up with ridiculous ideas!” He lightly bopped Kimihiro’s forehead with his fist.
“No I’m not!” Kimihiro retorted, rubbing his skull.
“You certainly are,” said Mamoru. “After all, that’s what happens when you sit around like this with nothing to do.” He got up off the couch. “That settles it; we’re definitely having a picnic with the Doumekis tomorrow afternoon. I’ll get right to work on fixing all the goodies…haven’t had the chance to make Tsuduki’s favorites in such a long time…ah, and I can’t forget Shino; she always did love my cream puffs…” He looked over at Kimihiro. “Care to help me out? Or would you rather finish that card you were making?”
“Card?” said Kimihiro. He saw the drawing pad still on the floor and remembered his fib. “Oh…oh yeah.” He slunk off the couch and got right back to “work.”
“You can join me once you get it finished,” said Mamoru. With a smile he added, “I’m sure it’s going to turn out quite lovely.”
Kimihiro quickly nodded and grunted in agreement, not looking up.
In truth he wasn’t even drawing anymore, merely staring at his previous sketches. Each one of the many butterflies, all rendered in blue, served to remind him more and more of Yuko-one for every thought he’d had all day about her and her cryptic words, perhaps.
Did she know who that other boy in his dream was?
Did she know if Shizuka would truly be a perfect companion? (And he hoped she would declare his father an idiot)
But most of all, did she know why he must never “disappear?”
Shaking his head, he tore the page out of the drawing pad, crumpled it up into a ball shape, and flung it away, panting in vexation. He looked at his trashed masterpiece intently for a moment, then with an uncomfortable frown he crawled over and straightened it back out, laying it flat and smoothing out the creases.
He held the picture up in front of his face, regarding it more vacuously than before. Hopefully Cousin Eriol liked butterflies, as Kimihiro doubted Yuko would ever get a chance to see his work. Putting the drawing aside, he got up off the floor, grabbed another piece of Pocky, and went to join his father in the kitchen.